[jenn_e_ritter]

A few minutes ago, I received a instant message from the agency that found my half brother. My birth mother now wants to contact me. I was given her email address and it is up to me to contact her now. I would like to send her an email but do not know where to start. I feel completely numb and bewildered. Anyone have any advice on how to start a letter?

[thediva320]

First let me start by saying CONGRATS!!!! Hold on to this roller coaster with all your might, and remember we are all here for you!
I sent a letter to bmom initiating contact. It was a simple letter stating who I was and what/who I was looking for. I included some very broad things about myself, but nothing too personal. I also stated that I was open to any sort of relationship she felt comfortable with. And if she would rather no contact me back at that time I completely understood. I think it would be a good idea to inform her of what you are intending from contact. But leave it open to her. Try not to seem forceful or impatient, and try to seem like it's her decision after you send the letter. You don't want to seem pushy or overbearing as it might cause her to pull away and tense up. So say things simply. What are you hoping to gain from contacting her? Do you simply want medical information? If so, say that. If you want to get to know her and find out about your history, say that. But leave the door open that you understand if she needs time to process things and take it all in.
Searching and reuniting is all about patience, as I am sure you learned during your search. It's a lot of hurry up and wait. Go slow and don't rush things. Considering writing a rough draft.........or 10 to get your thoughts out there and on paper. That way you can look at it and consider what changes you want to make, etc.
Good Luck and I hope this helps!!

[jenn_e_ritter]

Is there a rough draft that I could use?

[thediva320]

http://www.adopteesearch.info/contact.html

Try this link, it has copies of letter ideas and tips for making contact for the first time. Let me know how it goes and if you need more help!

[jenn_e_ritter]

oh thank you

[Shanay235]

Hi Jenn,

I’m a birthmother who found my daughter, almost a year ago, by mere coincidence. Although she is now 18, my own fears have kept me from contacting her as of yet so I’m probably the last person in the world who should be answering your post.

From my perspective as a birthmother, some of the first things I would like to know about you include:
* Are you happy and healthy?
* Your feelings about me? (I won’t speak for everyone but I have a real fear that my daughter may hate me.)
* Your feelings about your adoption? (More specifically, did I make the right decision?)
* Is your Afamily supportive of contact/reunion?
* What are you looking for in contact? Relationship? Medical info.?
* I’d also like to know about your life. Do you have brothers or sisters? What are your mom and dad like? Hobbies, interests? Accomplishments? Things that are important to you? Schooling, grades?

If my daughter were to write me, so long as it was not a “I hate you and never want to see you” letter, I’d be ecstatic no matter what she wrote. I would also want to see pictures from infancy through present.

Wishing You the Best,
Shannon

[jenn_e_ritter]

Originally Posted by Shanay235

Hi Jenn,

I’m a birthmother who found my daughter, almost a year ago, by mere coincidence. Although she is now 18, my own fears have kept me from contacting her as of yet so I’m probably the last person in the world who should be answering your post.

From my perspective as a birthmother, some of the first things I would like to know about you include:
* Are you happy and healthy?
* Your feelings about me? (I won’t speak for everyone but I have a real fear that my daughter may hate me.)
* Your feelings about your adoption? (More specifically, did I make the right decision?)
* Is your Afamily supportive of contact/reunion?
* What are you looking for in contact? Relationship? Medical info.?
* I’d also like to know about your life. Do you have brothers or sisters? What are your mom and dad like? Hobbies, interests? Accomplishments? Things that are important to you? Schooling, grades?

If my daughter were to write me, so long as it was not a “I hate you and never want to see you” letter, I’d be ecstatic no matter what she wrote. I would also want to see pictures from infancy through present.

Wishing You the Best,
Shannon

Thank you very much. I think I know what to write now. I can tell you from a daughter's point of view that you are the one person that she probably misses the most who also has unconditional love for. When you get to the stage of reunion, it is a time for closure but also a time for a new beginning. I wish you the best.