[Girl at the Beach]

Hello All,

I have not started a post before so here goes. I have the address and phone numbers for my bparents. My bmom lives about a 1/2 hr from me and it seems always has. I habe had this info since the 21July'06. I have written the letter to her serveral times to get it right. I'm sending it this Firday. I'm just going to jump in. I'm almost 42 and she is 66. I don't want to waste anymore time. I'm excited and scared all at the same time. When I first got the news that they were found not one but both I seat in my room for hours looking at the email to make sure it said what I thought it did. I have been distracted to say the least with thoughts racing through my mind. I have cried alot and can't seem to sleep much. But I think this is the right thing to do. I have been reading about the issues of adoptees and I feel like a text book. It seems as if I was interviewed and they were talking about me in the Angry Adoptee piece I read. Now am starting to feel a in calm inside at just knowing right now they are alive. The fear that comes in at times is wondering if I'm good enough. Am I lovable? I have never felt that way. What if she does not respond? I'm worried about not having anything in common. She is in the intercity of LA. I grow in Pasadena in a nice neighborhood and had alot of advantages. I'm black raised my white aparents and have not fit into the black community very much. I don't know about her circumstances and that worries me. What if she thinks I'm strange? I was picked on alot by other black kids growing up for sounding white and just don't want that to be a focus. I just need to do this to help me get closer. I don't want to hurt her by bring up the past. I just want to know the beginning. To ask a few questions and see who I might look like. The thought of touching someone who gave birth to me who is related is overwheleming. Any thoughts or advice? Am waiting to see how things go with her before I contact bdad.

Girl at the Beach

[healingfeeling]

Good morning

I'm so happy for you and can relate to the not sleeping and going from being angry to happy without warning !

The thought of touching someone who gave birth to me who is related is overwheleming.

the most unbelievable hugs you've ever had....that's all i can say about that ...

good luck!!!!!!!!! you're in line for the rollercoaster....be sure to fasten your seatbelt! and throwing up on the ride is quite alright too!!! lol

[carmel drake]

Hi Ruth
I think you are doing the right thing by contacting your found mother first, that way you can find out the actual circumstances of your surrender for adoption.

She may make contact emmidiately or she may need some extra time to digest the fact that you have found her.

Just tell her a bit about your life and about your personality, hobbies, likes and dislikes, favourite color basically a friendly comfortable letter, along with a few photos.

I wish you all a wonderful reunion
Sincerely Carmel

[TBooth]

Ruth...how exciting and terrifying!! We've all been there. Jump right in, I say. But be prepared for anything. Stick around here for support or find a local support group. Good to lean on friends during this very emotional time, but you'll find that nobody gets quite like those of us who have been through it. I'd say very few people regret searching (although there are some) and no matter what you find, they are all pieces of your story. I wish you the best of luck and hope you'll keep us posted.

[Girl at the Beach]

As I sit here with the card sealed and ready I hope this is the right thing. I need to find some closure and I hope this is it. No matter what I have to make sure am ok from this experince. I can't go back to that black hole I have been hiding in. Not feeling good about me. I have had a chance to read others post and have seen how much support people have for each other. My friends all wish me luck but are worried it will send me into a depression agian. But they all admit they are not sure how to help me though this no matter the outcome. They are glad that I have reached out to my fellow adoptees. I feel better just know that their are people out here who really understand how I feel finally!!!! I went to my first support meeting this week. I will start with a therapist that is an adoptee and has been in reunion. I feel as if am on the edge of something big. But I open to what's going to happen. I just hope she will give me a chance just to meet her. I have not sent pictures I just left my phone number. She is and has been about a 1/2 an hour from all these years. So close but yet so far. The next couple of days are going to be nerve racking.

Thanks for all the good wishes!!

Cheers~
Girl at the Beach

[Raina0831]

All of us who have searched and found, and written letters or called on the phone, understand what you are feeling at this moment. I personally, am waiting with baited breath for you to receive a response from your bmom. Congratulations to you for taking the next step and welcome to rollercoaster of reunion.

Originally Posted by Girl at the Beach

My friends all wish me luck but are worried it will send me into a depression agian.

There are, I believe, very few of us who haven't gone into depression - with bad reunions AND good. I think it's almost inevitable. But that's not a bad thing.....sounds strange, doesn't it? When we are "depressed" (I'd rather think of it as a time when we are contemplating life and where we fit in), we are really at one with ourselves. We can think about, analyze, gain some understanding, and come to terms with the curve balls that life has thrown us. As long as we learn something from our time of "contemplation" - aka "depression", are we not better individuals in the long run, with a greater understanding of who we are and where we fit in this world?

Be prepared for the reality that you are going to feel so many different emotions in the coming months and years. You will go from one end of the spectrum to the other at the drop of a hat, but it all aids in our ability to heal, and move forward with our lives.

Take care! Keep us updated!

Huggs,
Raina