[Sniffles]

I finally called my b-grandparents the other day and it turns out that they had sent me an e-mail that morning. She told me that she was very sorry that they had not gotten back with me. They have been traveling and she also told me that she is horrible at writing letters or e-mail. She told me that no matter what my b-mom said I will always be in their life. According to her, my b-mom has already contacted me and told me that she does not want me in her life.

I have never recieved anything from my b-mom saying that. I am really angry over the fact that she has said this to her parents, but has not even bothered to tell me. It is the same response that I recieved from her when I first tried to contact her. Absolute silence. It just burns me that I am not given the respect of a response from her.

I have spent this whole search always telling myself that my reunion would never have a happy story book ending. I understand that it is her choice and I respect that fully, but after I thought about this for awhile I really started to get mad. I spent all these years searching and she will not even give me a chance. I know now why she has not told her daughter about me and I would not either if I was in her shoes, but we can still communicate without the daughter knowing.

I am just ranting and raving I know, but I have been very respectful towards her feeling this whole time and I feel I am not even being given a chance. I am very thrilled over having contact with my b-grandparents and very content to know that they will always be there.

I just want to know if it is ok to be angry now after all I have been through. I guess I am just confused I am angry, but on the other hand I still respect her decision and I can understand why she has declined contact.

Angela

[crosssgirll]

I feel that you have every right to be anger , rant, rave, throw something if it will make you feel better. How dare she not even let you know that she does not want any contact. How hard is it to mail a post card saying "I am sorry but I do not want any contact." To not even show you the respect of a reply? That is just wrong on so many levels! Sorry, guess I am ranting and raving now. But your post just made me angry. Also a little scared, what if my biomom does the same, I guess. Edited for serious spelling errors

[healingfeeling]

oh sniffles...

I know now why she has not told her daughter about me and I would not either if I was in her shoes, but we can still communicate without the daughter knowing.

that daughter is your sister....

i'm so sorry you're getting this response...it seems like she's terrified of you or what might happen when others find out about you....

we're here for you

[crick]

Sniffles...you never need to ask permission to be angry. I'm sorry she isn't respecting you as a person enough to simply tell you directly what her wishes are.

((HUGS))

[eastendmommy]

Hi Sniffles,

I'm sorry that you're still going through this nonsense... You go right ahead and rant and rave all you want to, okay?! No permission (or apologies) necessary! She could at least give you the courtesy of a reply...

Man, how I wish that it had been my Bson who initiated contact...at least then, I'd KNOW that his heart was in it! I get angry, myself, at the Bmom's who don't even respond to their child after all these years... The LEAST she could do is to acknowledge your existance, and try and explain her reasonings behind the 'no contact' stance she's taken... I'm so sorry, Sniffles... You deserve better, hon!

Try and get some peace from the Bgrandparents... do you have any contact with your siblings? Maybe your Bmom will have a change of heart sometime in the future... we can hope, can't we?!

Hang in there, hon... WE LOVE YOU!!!


Hugs, Tammi

[b4truth]

just wanted to lend my opinion that you have every right to rant and rave...

it's great that your grandparents seem open to communication with you. i hope you develop a great relationship with them.

just don't take your bmom's position personally. you are precious no matter her response.

my adaughter's bmom is like that. she could care less about her. i believe bmom is bipolar...
i always let my adaughter know that it is not about her, it is her bmom's problem.

i always felt rejected by my own mother until she was diagnosed as being bipolar, then it all made sense(!) and now, i don't give it a second thought. maybe your bmom is struggling with similar issues.

anyhoo, best of luck to you!!!!

[irisheyes33]

Sniffles....

Gads, that is horrible. When I read posts like yours, it hurts me to the bone.

Your bmom seems to be really scared...scared of her past, scared to deal with whatever - but IMHO, she owes you the respect of a personal reply of some sort. Not that it would be necessarily any easier to take, but still...

I am so sorry. Vent, be angry, cry, let it all out. Whatever works for you. By all means you are entitled!!

[Sniffles]

Thanks for all the responses. I am feeling much better today (i am still ticked off).

healingfeeling and eastendmommy: yes the daughter is my half-sister, but my b-grandmother told me somethings about her that made me understand why my b-mom has not told her. Out of respect for them, I am not going to tell what it is, but basically my sister and I are as different as night and day. I am a little bit more socialble than she is. Ya'll have to excuse my spelling.

I am hoping that my b-mom will have a change of heart and my grandparents feel the same way so that will be something to look foward to.

[susiesgirl]

you have every right to feel angry. THat is no way for your bmom to act. she could at least tell you that she wants no contact and why. Thank goodnesss you at least have your bgrandparents.

[Raina0831]

Angela - I can relate to the "reception" or lack thereof that you have received from your bmom - only mine was done in a different way.

When I went to my bgrandmother's funeral almost 2 years ago, my bmom, for the very first time, approached ME. She'd always been very uncomfortably forced into seeing me when I'd visited other family members in the past. But THIS time, she walked right up to me as soon as I entered the church. She threw her arms around me and told me, "It's time for me to put my past in the past." Then she kissed me on the cheek and said, "I'm so sorry." And then backed away from me. I totally thought she was saying, "I need to leave the past in the past and move forward. I want to build a relationship with you and I'm sorry I've spent all these years rejecting you." The only thing I could think to say, in my shock was "Thank you." as I half smiled at her. She gave me a funny look, but I was too blown away by the fact that my birthmother and I had just embraced. I had my arms around the woman that gave birth to me. That just completely blew me away.

She didn't talk to me the rest of the time that I was there. Even though I was standing in the reception line right next to her at one point. She also no longer made an attempt to come by my sister's house to see me. As I said, she'd always reluctantly visited before, but this time, she didn't visit at all. So my first thought was, I completely misunderstood her. She was actually telling me to go away and stay away.

I know now that my suspicions were correct - that I was to go away. But the reasoning for that would go off track of this post, so I'll have to explain another time.

After I had flown home, my sister talked to our mother about what she meant when she said that to me. She told my sister that she wants to build a relationship with me. So why did she ignore me and my 6 year old daughter? Why hasn't she written, called, emailed? I waited for a year, and then called her. It was the first time in 15 years that I'd done so. She told me that I completely misunderstood her and that she wasn't telling me to go away AT ALL. She then proceeded to tell me how the mention of my name makes her sick to her stomach and now she won't be able to eat for a week. That was last October. No word from her on my birthday, Christmas, anything. In May I sent her my daughter's graduation announcement and picture. Didn't hear a word from her.

So who is she lying to here and what is it that she really wants? and why can't she just tell me once and for all, and why can't she tell my sisters once and for all what it is that she wants or doesn't want?

It's all so frustrating.

Angela, I'm so sorry your bmom has decided to confront things as she has. Please forgive me for my long drawn out post. I hope there is comfort for you (as there is for me) in knowing that there are others who have had poopy, frustrating, mind-boggling experiences with their bmoms too.

Big supportive huggs to you!

Raina

[33&found]

I can understand what you are feeling. YES be angry rant rave but then remember you can only control what YOU DO not what your bmom does. Do not give her that much control over you. Don't allow her refusal to acknowledge you to diminish your sense of who you are. Enjoy the relationships you have and try not to let the ache of rejection damage you any more. Try to remember that times were different then and maybe the only way your bmom could cope with giving you up was to block it out. Accept that she can't handle a relationship with you right now. But have faith that maybe one day that will change. We all are only human.
Good luck and my thoughts are with you.