[Nicole28]

This was prompted by an article in People magazine that I read tonight. I also read a similar article in either Glamour or Marie Claire recently and they had me thinking...

The two women featured in the articles had been abandoned by their biological mothers - one in a box behind a fence and the other in a beer box in an alley. They were both adopted and knew the truth about their birth since they were young. Neither have been able to reunite with their biological families. Both expressed curiousity as to WHY their biological mother's abandoned them, but neither were angry or felt hatred towards them.

My question to you - and to myself - is this: would you rather know that there was absolutely NO chance of ever reuniting or finding information about bio-family, as opposed to searching for your entire life with the prospect of coming up with nothing? I almost feel like the "closure" or finality that would come with knowing that there was no possibility of finding info. may be better than the anxiety and up-and-down emotions brought on by dead-end searches. I guess my opinion varies.

Either way, both articles are worth reading, and the stories have a happy ending. I suppose part of me does worry that they will lead to the wrongful portrayal of birthmom's as irresponsible, lacking in morals, etc. - some readers who may not know much about or understand adoption may make generalizations, you know? I still say we need more positive adoption-related stories.

[Sniffles]

Originally Posted by FH-Nicole28

My question to you - and to myself - is this: would you rather know that there was absolutely NO chance of ever reuniting or finding information about bio-family, as opposed to searching for your entire life with the prospect of coming up with nothing?

I would rather search my entire life and end up with nothing. I would rather live with the possibility of there being a chace to reunite. One must always have hope.

Angela

[irisheyes33]

I agree with Sniffles.

[jeanniejbo]

would you rather know that there was absolutely NO chance of ever reuniting or finding information about bio-family, as opposed to searching for your entire life with the prospect of coming up with nothing?

I like that question, it is something that I think all adoptees face and try to bury once we start searching. I have been told by my aparents that I probably wont find any information about my adoption. And that I don't stand a chance to have an opportunity to reunite because of the international search. Sometimes I do feel like that. But it works against them telling me that because now I want to search even harder. I want to dispell that notion. I am one of those people that if you tell me that I can't do something, I'll only try to find a way to do it. I know that can lead you into trouble! lol. But I guess it really depends on what is important to you. Somethings, you can't let go.

SO I guess what I am saying, for some of us, if you tell us that there isn't a chance for reunion or getting more info- it doesn't matter because we have to find out for ourselves that it may not be possible or at least keep trying JUST in case that there is a chance.

[Scott2wlCody]

At this point I am tending to favor the notion that I would rather search my whole life and end up with nothing than to live day by day and have no hope of any reunion. If at my life's end I've had no success in the search, then I can say at the very least I did try.

(At this point in time, I still have to start )

[crosssgirll]

I agree, I would rather be able to search and say "Yes. I did try" than to never know.

[Raina0831]

I have to agree with everyone else.

I would rather spend every day, until my death, searching and finding nothing than to go through life knowing that that option is not there for me - EVER.

The other day, I posted a recent news article about a baby girl who had been left at, I believe a hospital, and been left there anonymously. My heart just broke. She will never have the option to find out where she came from and why. When I was young and had absolutely no information whatsoever, other than the fact that I hadn't been born to my "family", I always felt as though I'd been found under a rock one day, or just dropped from the sky. Luckily, I was able to discover "my story". There are blanks here and incomplete spaces there, yes. But I have SOMETHING, and that is worth all the gold in the world. And I know that I can continue to dig and WILL continue to do so, even if I don't turn up anything new. The choice, the option, is mine. And although lawmakers do put up plenty of hurdles, the option is there for me.

Huggs,
Raina

[mn125]

Originally Posted by Raina0831

I posted a recent news article about a baby girl who had been left at, I believe a hospital, and been left there anonymously. My heart just broke.

Safe Haven and Baby Moses laws give me chills too- knowing that those children will NEVER find their truth.......sigh........ now thats criminal!

[jve911]

for 47 years i have known i was adopted. my aparents were the greatest. my amom kept the hospital bill for my bmom when i was born and had written names of my bgrandparents on a businesscard. this was all in 1959 and i am not sure what kind of adoption it was. my amom wanted to help me search but only when i asked. when i was 15 i decided to look. i went to the stae to get my original birth certificate but found out i had to go to court. i did not want to do that. so i didn't search for several years. i finally got the info out (about 10 years ago) that my amom had kept and did some searching and contacted my bgrandmother. she knew about me and seemed great with me contacting her. i contacted an baunt and we have talked but never met. my bmom denies ever even giving birth to me. i have an older brother but everyone says he is a step brother. i have 2 younger step siblings from my bmom getting remarried. this is what i am not sure if i should be angry or not.........i know i am not angry at my bmom for giving me up. i had the greatest parents in the world and noone can replace them. i think i am more angry that she denies my existance and has not or probably never will reveal who my bdad is. i want to write her because i have found her address but my baunt says not to that i would only get hurt. so not sure what to do at this point........

i am not sure i posted this in the right place but thanks for letting me tell my story and i have gotten alot out of reading the posts here at this forum. i know now i am not the only one that gets frustrated at times.

Joy

[susiesgirl]

i would def rather try to find them and find out what happened then not knowing.

[amyadoptee]

I would also try to find. I couldn't go through life not knowing or at least try to find. These safe haven laws don't do anything in the best interest of the child. Health professionals in these situations need to get as much information as possible. It is not right to deny a child its history. It denies the child's rights in the future. The right to the adults history.

[SarahandSam]

I definitely agree with Sniffles.

[dmca]

Jeannie,
Quick question for you. Have you ever thought of going to the country of your birth, or is that out of the question for you?
dmca

[heartbeat]

hmmm...interesting question, and one I've faced in another area of my life - well, faced in a theoretical way. When I found out at 23 that I couldn't have kids, it was definitive. You can't bear a child if there's no uterus. On infertility forums and also in the OB/GYN office where I worked, I've seen a lot of women going through anxiety, depression, hope, devastation, etc every month, sometimes for several years; and that's just the emotional aspect. I experienced it for a short while myself when I was checking into my ovaries and a host surrogate. I've wondered off and on over the years which pain I'd rather have if given the choice - knowing there wasn't a possibility and working on letting it go and acceptance, or having an infinitesimal possibility that teases me by giving me hope.

would you rather know that there was absolutely NO chance of ever reuniting or finding information about bio-family, as opposed to searching for your entire life with the prospect of coming up with nothing?

Since you've stated this as an absolute - no hope whatsoever, then I'd rather have that information and not look. But if there were a slim chance of finding info, even if I never met them, I'd want to search. In my own situation, the only person I cared about finding was my b-mom. That's not to say I'd reject any others! Just that she was my first priority. I'd even decided what I could live with - I had to know a minimum of her first name. I could die in peace then. That would not only make her feel more real, but more importantly, it would also allow me to feel like I knew her, silly as that sounds. I'd be able to say "Oh, Mary Jane? Cool, that's my mom's name too!" or "My mom's name? oh, it's Mary Jane" The reasoning behind it seems kind of goofy even to me, LOL, I've just always wondered what her name was.

Good question!

Warmly, heartbeat

[jeanniejbo]

Originally Posted by dmca

Jeannie,
Quick question for you. Have you ever thought of going to the country of your birth, or is that out of the question for you?
dmca

I defn am planning on going. I have already been back twice, both as a teenager, but I didn't know that I was adopted then! I do have a few things mapped out, but I wish they had a to-do list for a PI search. lolz. Probably will make one myself.