[sherrykimball]

I have a question how can someone love you when they don't know you? I found my bfamily almost 3 yrs. ago both bparents had passed away. I was a total shock to my sibling I have an older sister and 4 younger ones. I have meet 1 of them and talk and e-mail 2. on the 6th one of the boys wife talked to me. anyway They always tell me that they love me how can they when our parents couldn't. I didn't have a hard time growing up in fact never really thought about being adopted. I had just thought that my bmother couldn't take care of me I was born in the 50's then when I got my 1st bcert. and seen that I had an older sibling that's when I wanted to find my-sibling. got know where no Internet back in the 90's when I started looking again and found them they had stayed married and had 5 more children. I talked to the person at cc and she had told me that the man on my cert. didn't want me that bmom had said if she didn't give me up her marriage was over so she did. when I tried to tell sibling that they said that wasn't their Dad he was a great Father OK so again bmom chose man over daughter so she couldn't love me so how can the sibling all of this has been really driving me nuts my b-day was the 5th and that been it worst. just wanted to let off some steam.and I really don't mean to be a cry-baby

[healingfeeling]

sherry


what makes you think your sibs don't love you?

I have friends that I love...and they're not even related to me...

I love my bdad...I haven't always known him, but I feel love for him...its a strong connection...maybe this is the case for your bsibs...

I think if I found a sibling I would love them too...

[dmca]

They can. it's not difficult. I too was a " throw away" child when my parents divorced. My brother went with my mother. I was left, and my father took me. His new wife detested me and resented me from the beginning.
Later in life, I was all on my own.
My older brother didn't really " know" me as we were separated so young but, it didn't stop us from loving each other later in life. We had so much in common. I guess blood does tell. Give them a chance.
Plus, from your siblings, you can learn much about your family ( cousins, aunts uncles, grandparents). I know did.
My brother and I remained devoted to each other as adults to the day he died. I adored him. I wouldn't have missed that for the world.
Give them a chance honey. I don't think there is ANYTHING wrong with you. I had to deal with that too. Trying to figure out "what was wrong with me" and "why was I the unlovable one". What I found on that journey through my life ( I'm elderly now) was that I WAS lovable and NOTHING was wrong with me.
My brother showed me that so many times, in life, when we talked and did things together.
Besides, what do you have to lose? Nothing at all. If nothing happens,nothing happens ( no relationship) and you haven't lost anything to begin with, BUT, YOU JUST MAY.
Remember, if it doesn't work out, IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. I swear to that on my brothers grave. YOU ARE lovable , NOTHING is wrong with you.
Give it a shot.
dmca

[wilted rose]

Hey Sherry, birthdays can be especially difficult. You know perhaps in some ways there an unconscious painful reminder that something or even rather, someone is missing. I know for myself I have very little recollection of birthdays during my childhood or throughout my adulthood. You know sometimes how you just find yourself avoiding certain things but you never really question it? I would bet meeting your bsiblings have brought alot of these emotions to the forefront, makes perfect sense to me. Let me ask you a question, if you were to allow yourself to be vulnerable do you think you might feel love towards your bsiblings? Sometimes people define love in different ways. If it's something you want, carve out and identify what that might be for you. One thing I'm sure of love is not exclusive. If you can come to terms with the missed opportunities with your bparents I'm confident, if you're a willing participant there may be much joy and fulfillment in the relationships you are forming with your bsiblings, cause you're definitely worth it!
Hugs,
Rose

[heartbeat]

Hi Sherry,

The way I see it, there's different kinds of love, different intensities, too.

I've only spoken to my b-mom once, and we've emailed a couple of times. But we both said "I love you". I can't speak for her, but I know I meant it. I love her simply because she gave birth to me. I hope that after I get to know her, I'll love her because of who she is, also. Before I ever started looking for her I knew there was a place inside that loved her.

I'd be willing to bet that my a-parents felt like they loved me when they first adopted me, probably even said it to me, and they didn't know me. I think sometimes it's possible to be so ready to love and want to so much that when presented with the opportunity, it just happens.

Warmly, heartbeat

[DCMomLady]

Maybe your sybs mean that they want to love you, if you will let them. I wish my sybs would offer me some of that ... and we all grew up together!