[wilted rose]

I wasn't sure how to address this issue. As I have been reading alot of the posts lately, I'm wondering for many of the adoptees how much of a role does anxiety place in your life? This is an issue I have been struggling with, but more importantly struggling with identifying it, does that make sense? Since I have been working through alot of emotions with regard to being an adoptee and now a reunited adoptee I find more often a sense of angst sometimes with what would seem to most people, everyday situations. Sometimes to the point of withdrawing or avoiding certain situations?
Rose

[dmca]

How could you NOT feel anxiety? All sides will. There is no definitive line that we shouldn't cross, we're making this up ( all sides) as we go. **** difficult. We can only do the best we can and hope for the best I suppose. These forums MUST be helping with some of the anxiety, we can draw from other experiences and use them when we aren't sure what is appropriate or not.
dmca

[wilted rose]

dmca, thankyou for acknowledging my feelings. Certainly, all 'sides' of the triad have challenges; For me, the forums allow an arena to share, and gain perspective. Having said that, as many in the triad might agree there is introspective to explore, somewhat to be shared, and yet a certain amount that remains.
Rose

[Cmara]

I TOTALLY get the "anxiety" feelings. I was recently reunited with b-siblings (bmom passed away before reuniting). I have always dealt with a bit of anxiety, but since the "reunion" I am overcome with emotions. The anxiety for me is that so many things seem overwheming to me now. In fact, just this past weekend my family went to a big family gathering. It was just too much for me. I got a migrane and just couldn't enjoy myself. Ended up coming home a day early. I think being adopted I have always, in the back of my mind, questioned why someone wants to be around me....what do I bring to the relationship? When my bmom passed away the bsibs found the paper work stating that she had given up a child for adoption. They wanted to find me and they did. Now that they have met me I am constantly questioning....why do they want to know me? Are some forced into it because the others want to get to know me? Everytime we are together......anxiety. Will there be an email from them today?.......anxiety. It can become obsessive some days. It's like they couldn't do enough for me. Couldn't say they want to know me enough. It would never be enough. Can anyone relate to this? I have been seeing someone about these feelings. She says I need to figure out what I want and to be able to tell people. I need to redirect myself when I become distracted thinking about this reunion stuff. It's sounds simple in theory, but very difficult to practice. So, now that I've rambled,,,,,,just wanted to say to you Rose, that I do understand the anxiety. I just wish the people around me could understand why adoptees feel and act like we do. Thanks for letting me vent a bit. I always feel better reading these threads and knowing there are others who feel like me!

[wilted rose]

Cmara, I'm relieved I decided to check back on this thread! Wow! When I first reunited with my bMother and bfamily,(I'm the youngest of nine), and the last to reunite they held a huge party for me. I was very happy but so overwhelmed; in fact as we sat down to eat it was buffet style I put my plate down quickly and ran upstairs to the bathroom, this is difficult, but I literally began to shake, I remember sitting on the edge of the tub sobbing when my bsis came knocking on the door "are you ok"?
Wow!
Rose

[Cmara]

Then what did you do? I am seeing them all again soon. They will all be together. Am already a nervous wreck. I have so many emotions that I am literally nervous to be around them. How did you handle yourself when you came out of the bathroom, and how did your bsis react to you?

[Raina0831]

I know EXACTLY what you are saying.......

I think being adopted I have always, in the back of my mind, questioned why someone wants to be around me

.

I've always been the same way, but I never verbalized it to ANYONE, because I didn't want them to see that side of me. I wanted to 'appear' as normal as everyone else.

Now that they have met me I am constantly questioning....why do they want to know me? Are some forced into it because the others want to get to know me?

I often wonder if they contact me out of obligation or guilt. Like thinking, Gee, she's our sister. She should have grown up with us. And then I think that after they get to know me, they will slowly drift away from me.

Everytime we are together......anxiety. Will there be an email from them today?.......anxiety. It can become obsessive some days. It's like they couldn't do enough for me. Couldn't say they want to know me enough. It would never be enough. Can anyone relate to this?

Totally! If they don't contact me in the length of time that I am used to, I get all worked up inside and sick to my stomach. I just KNOW I didn't something to chase them off. And when I do hear from them it is SUCH a relief and I am just on cloud nine.

I have been seeing someone about these feelings. She says I need to figure out what I want and to be able to tell people. I need to redirect myself when I become distracted thinking about this reunion stuff.

OH, so much easier said than done. I wish I could have figured out "what I wanted" years ago, but it has never happened. I'm working on it, but boy, is it going to be a long painful road. And how do you tell someone without them going, "OK! Too much trouble for me!" and hitting the high road? I dunno.

Anxiety.....the only time I don't feel anxious is when I'm sleeping - although things that are bothering me, do have a way of creeping into my dreams, but i can generally handle that alright. It's the knot in my stomach and the shortness of breath I experience immediately upon waking each day and continually throughout the day until I fall asleep that is driving me nuts .

Huggs to all my anxious forum buddies!!!

Raina

[wilted rose]

Cmara, I too relate to the anxiety of will there be an email today? wanting to be enough... Thankyou for your honesty.
Rose

[healingfeeling]

hey girls this comment struck with me too!!!

I have always, in the back of my mind, questioned why someone wants to be around me....what do I bring to the relationship?

I discussed this very subject with my therapist today...she ended by saying, "you are a good person, please remember that".

I am always trying to prove myself worthy to the world...I'm a vegetarian, I'm a healer, I volunteer for things, I give to charities...all because I have this tiny voice telling me I'm bad...

and talk about anxiety...if anyone shows dissaproval of me i'm freaking out inside and sometimes outside too!!!

rose, you're so good at coming up with great threads!

[wilted rose]

Cmara, she was my one of my oldest bsisters and there were not alot of words excanged, however she took me to another part of the house where I could recompose myself, although my actions did not go unnoticed by some of the others. I'll throw something out there, for me I have discovered when I can be vulnerable no matter its form people tend to be more engaging, sort of a disarmanent,you know? The first time my bbrother who is sixteen years my senior invited me to his home for dinner with his family, I remember I walked in, he gave me a hug, and I said...I'm nervous.
Rose

[Cmara]

Hey Raina and Rose, Can't tell you how nice it is to know others feel the same. When the people in your everyday life don't get it you can begin to question your sanity! Rose, I also wanted to comment on the part you said about avoiding and withdrawing from certain situations. It's so true! Does it ever get easier? I think all my neighbors think I'm half cracked! I am almost always late to arrive somewhere and always one of the first to leave. I have difficulty with making plans ahead of time or following through with plans. I put on my "happy face" and turn on my "social self", but can't do it for too long unless I have a few glasses of wine. The world has definetly become a bit smaller to me, as I find myself "avoiding and withdrawing".

[wilted rose]

Originally Posted by Raina0831

I know EXACTLY what you are saying.......

.

I've always been the same way, but I never verbalized it to ANYONE, because I didn't want them to see that side of me. I wanted to 'appear' as normal as everyone else.



I often wonder if they contact me out of obligation or guilt. Like thinking, Gee, she's our sister. She should have grown up with us. And then I think that after they get to know me, they will slowly drift away from me.



Totally! If they don't contact me in the length of time that I am used to, I get all worked up inside and sick to my stomach. I just KNOW I didn't something to chase them off. And when I do hear from them it is SUCH a relief and I am just on cloud nine.






OH, so much easier said than done. I wish I could have figured out "what I wanted" years ago, but it has never happened. I'm working on it, but boy, is it going to be a long painful road. And how do you tell someone without them going, "OK! Too much trouble for me!" and hitting the high road? I dunno.

Anxiety.....the only time I don't feel anxious is when I'm sleeping - although things that are bothering me, do have a way of creeping into my dreams, but i can generally handle that alright. It's the knot in my stomach and the shortness of breath I experience immediately upon waking each day and continually throughout the day until I fall asleep that is driving me nuts .

Huggs to all my anxious forum buddies!!!

Raina

Gee, Raina you stoled my script! Maybe we'll get lucky and some veteran reunitees will dissipate some of our anxiety... snuffie?
Rose

[wilted rose]

Hf, you truly are a very good soul! Each and every day I delight in what you bring to this support forum and the other triad support forums, here's the thing- we're the richer for it! Your honesty, yet caring approach so goes your forum name, good on ya!
Hugs,
Rose

[Nicole28]

That quote resonates with me, too. I feel the same way, although it's more of a subconscious thing for me I guess.

I totally have anxiety issues - whether or not I attribute this to adoption, I don't know, but the anxiety is there. I am certainly a self-proclaimed worry-wart and I stress about EVERYTHING. I have trouble "letting go" and always blame myself for things that have gone wrong, esp. relationships. I hate hate hate "not knowing" something, I hate surprises and I hate hate secrets. I "test" the people with whom I have relationships with and, when I was younger, I frequently stretched the truth and lied about EVERYTHING because I was afraid the truth was inadequate. That is embarassing and shameful, but there it is - that, I know, is a result of being adopted.

I, too, wonder (not all of the time, but sometimes) why someone would want a relationship - romantic or otherwise - with me. I suppose it stems from insecurity.

Sheesh - now I'm depressed

[Cmara]

Originally Posted by FH-Nicole28

I totally have anxiety issues - whether or not I attribute this to adoption, I don't know, but the anxiety is there. I am certainly a self-proclaimed worry-wart and I stress about EVERYTHING. I have trouble "letting go" and always blame myself for things that have gone wrong, esp. relationships. I hate hate hate "not knowing" something, I hate surprises and I hate hate secrets. I "test" the people with whom I have relationships with and, when I was younger, I frequently stretched the truth and lied about EVERYTHING because I was afraid the truth was inadequate. That is embarassing and shameful, but there it is - that, I know, is a result of being adopted.

I, too, wonder (not all of the time, but sometimes) why someone would want a relationship - romantic or otherwise - with me. I suppose it stems from insecurity.

Sheesh - now I'm depressed

Hey Nicole, Amen to all you said! Testing people is a big one for me. I try to hold out......trying to see if they will go first. I also know exactly what you are saying about secrets, surprises, letting go and not knowing! I could have writen that post.