[shef]

I am on a journey I started with the counsellor for about 6 months who I have seen fortnightly...when I can....well today I said soemthing....that I had heard for the first time....it was to do with this man from inida who is helping my intermediary with trying to find some info about my bfather plus relatives for me.....
If nothing comes of the search, I would still like to stay in touch with this man, for I feel some connecton with him and would like to be freinds. That is waht I want. But am afraid to ask.....becasue if he says no...then i think he wont want me.....and I couldnt bear that......and i started to cry when saying this...and the counsellor said...thats what its all about, you dont think people want to know you....for you..you see it as rejection...instead of possibly being there problem or to do with them...I take it personally....which is common to adoptees.

I had not seen this is as a fear of rejection, but perhaps it is as she says it is.....is that a deep rooted thing in other adoptees then, and does that come from being aodpted or given up...and if so...can it be healed......I mean how do we deal with it so we dont keep seeing rejection every time a relationship does not work out or what we want? Hope I am making sense here?

shef

[DBelle1981]

I am going through the whole rejection feeling right now. I hope it is something to be healed or atleast be able to learn to deal with it. I wish you the best. I have been thinking about seeing a counsler but have been scared to make the call. I see that you have been and hope that it is helping you.
Destiny

[shef]

hi Destiny...
thanks for replying......I hope we find some resolution as well......If it helps, I have taken years to get to the point of being able to see a counsellor, and I wish I had had the courage much earlier, pehraps I woul dbe further on my journey if I had...I know about being sacred...I was afraid for at least the first two months I saw her, to really say anything..but she was patient and helped me.......so I hope you too can take the plunge too

shef

[DBelle1981]

Thank you. Your words help me to feel more comfortable about going. You take care-
Destiny

[Cmara]

I understand all to well what you are talking about. I just made the phone call this morning to see someone. Why is it so hard to ask for help? Hard to believe that the thought of rejection can run your life and bring up so many painful memories from the past. Just pick up the phone and do it. I am hopeful that I will learn how to deal with my reunion without thinking that at any moment I will be rejected again. The ironic part is that I am told over and over that my bmom wouldn't have given me up unless her back was against the wall. In my head that makes sense, but you could say that to me all day, and I don't know if I would believe it. Good luck!

[shef]

Yes Cmara, There is soemthing that doesnt gel well with hearing that isnt there.....i have that times too....and i am coming to think that what is logic in my head, is not the same as what i am feeling. There is the understanding, and there is the feeling and the two are not the same.
I am glad you picked up the phone and went as well, perhaps we can all help one another to get to the help we need in counselling and not to be afraid.....and let fear rule us...

shef