[Jan18]

Well, I don't know where to go. I found my bmom in January, and things were looking pretty good. I was going to be happy with just getting my medical background if that was her wish but she said, "I know I can never be a mom to you, but I would at least like to be your friend". I was like, WOW, not what I expected, but I went with it and started the journay of reunion.

Communication was great the first few months, then I would hear from her every week, week and a half...I went to visit her in my sisters, every thing seemed fine. Now, six months later I never hear from her and I am hurt. I wrote to her asking if she was happy that I found her because I never hear from her. That it breaks my heart when I don't and I just don't know what to think anymore. I told her she needs to be honest with me about where we are going to take this relationship, but I haven't heard a word. I wrote to her three weeks ago. For Mother's Day, I sent her a gift, and heard nothing! I was so upset. I am ready to throw in the towel and be done!

The stress is driving me crazy. I cry myself to sleep often. I am usually a very happy, go lucky person, and I know I constantly have a pissed off look on my face. I could cry at the drop of a hat, and am crying as I type this. I just don't understand what happened. Why she won't respond to my questions...

I guess for now, I will close the door a bit, maybe leave it half open?

Any suggestions from those who have been in a similar situation would be great!

[carmel drake]

Originally Posted by Jan18

Well, I don't know where to go. I found my bmom in January, and things were looking pretty good. I was going to be happy with just getting my medical background if that was her wish but she said, "I know I can never be a mom to you, but I would at least like to be your friend". I was like, WOW, not what I expected, but I went with it and started the journay of reunion.

Communication was great the first few months, then I would hear from her every week, week and a half...I went to visit her in my sisters, every thing seemed fine. Now, six months later I never hear from her and I am hurt. I wrote to her asking if she was happy that I found her because I never hear from her. That it breaks my heart when I don't and I just don't know what to think anymore. I told her she needs to be honest with me about where we are going to take this relationship, but I haven't heard a word. I wrote to her three weeks ago. For Mother's Day, I sent her a gift, and heard nothing! I was so upset. I am ready to throw in the towel and be done!

The stress is driving me crazy. I cry myself to sleep often. I am usually a very happy, go lucky person, and I know I constantly have a pissed off look on my face. I could cry at the drop of a hat, and am crying as I type this. I just don't understand what happened. Why she won't respond to my questions...

I guess for now, I will close the door a bit, maybe leave it half open?

Any suggestions from those who have been in a similar situation would be great!

Jan18
I believe that I have heard of some reunions having some type of stall of sorts, a few months after the first contact. Speaking for myself, I remember that in the begining with my daughter we emailed often. I asked questions, we were feeling closer. I noticed that my daughter didn't actually answer at times and I tried not to make much of it and continued but eventually I found that the conversations were becoming onesided...I found myself asking qestion less and less, I was loosing faith and felt that I was a bother.

My daughter must have noticed and one day just said " hum looks like we are not finding things to talk about, we need to fix that. Since then she has responded to most of my comments. We basically
stick to general conversations.

I do know that after a few months of contact. I did go through a lot of the past and relived it all over again, this time feeling more overwhelmed. The feelings of sadness were much deeper because I was older now and was trying to find healing where as in the past I shoved them down or else took them as if I deserved it.

Your mother is most likely having those past memories coming at her. I would advise you to write her and let her know how you are feeling and that you need her to stay in contact with you....also we mother's do get mixed messages and are always afraid that our found one will leave if we get too close or somother them.

My daughter's bday is coming in a couple of weeks and again I am going through serious grief, even more than last year when I had found her.

I use to talk to her when she was in my stomach and the other night I desperately wanted to talk to her like those days, so I did it in an email. Its one of those emailis where no response is expected...Just knowing that she will hear/read my thoughts has lifted most of that sadness I was feeling.

I don't know what feelings my daughter has regarding her and I. But I do know that what ever she may feel. I would want her to tell me anything. I wouldn't want her to be hurting by herself. She knows that I am there if she should ever need or want to talk or even just to talk about nothing in particular. I believe that talking over the phone after you send her a letter, would tighten the bond that you both may need to build. I am hoping that the phone will become a thing between my daughter and I one day soon.

I feel very much for you and anyone else who suffers in silence. Speak up my dear, in a caring letter and let her know. I think you are a wonderful daughter to think of her on mother's day too.
Take care
Sincerely Carmel

[Jan18]

Thanks for your response. I do think that she is probably dealing with the lose of me. I just read "The Girls Who Went Away" and realize that she probably never got counseling or help after she reliquished me. I just wish she would open up to me and be honest with her feelings, because the silence just kills me!

I don't know if I should call, because I have tried to contact her via e-mail and I get no response. If she refuses to answer the phone (caller ID) then it will just be a double slap in the face.

I think I am just going to give her space. Wait for her to make the next move. I am afraid to be too smoothering too...