[Growing]

Just wondered what other's opinions are on the honesty of amended birth certificates....having adoptive parents names written "as if" they gave birth on our birth certificate. Anyone have any thoughts on this or thoughts on possible alternatives to an amended birth certificate when an adoption takes place?

[Nicole28]

...having adoptive parents names written "as if" they gave birth on our birth certificate.

I don't think of it like that. I think we should have two birth certificates: an original bc with the birthmother and father's names, and an "amended" (for lack of a better term) bc with the names of our adoptive parents.

My a-parents do not have their names on my bc "as if" they gave birth...their names are on the bc because they are my parents, my legal guardians, the people who raised me & the only parents I've got.

As to the "honesty" of amended bcs, I'm not sure what I think...I guess I just always assumed my amended bc was accurate, which I am almost positive it is (I have seen the original copy). I guess I just think we should have ALL of our information, and that two bcs (as mentioned above) makes more sense.

[Growing]

I think it would be more honest if the "amended" birth certificate was replaced with a certificate of adoption. A birth certificate is exactly that, a certificate of BIRTH. There is too much room for inaccuracies when a birth certificate is amended.

Some people argue that if we didn't have an amended birth certificate that adoptees would be made second class citizens because their parents would have to explain to everyone their children's adopted status. I think it is more healthy to acknowledge the status of being adopted and not try to hide it or fail to acknowledge it by having a birth certificate that is amended. JMHO.

[NJNative]

Originally Posted by Growing

I think it would be more honest if the "amended" birth certificate was replaced with a certificate of adoption. A birth certificate is exactly that, a certificate of BIRTH. There is too much room for inaccuracies when a birth certificate is amended.

Some people argue that if we didn't have an amended birth certificate that adoptees would be made second class citizens because their parents would have to explain to everyone their children's adopted status. I think it is more healthy to acknowledge the status of being adopted and not try to hide it or fail to acknowledge it by having a birth certificate that is amended. JMHO.

I don't think it's a matter of trying to pretend we gave birth to our adopted child or even making them a "second class citizen" whatever that's supposed to mean. I think it's more a case of my son's origins are private information -- his to share or not. If you issued an adoption certificate instead of an amended birth certificate, every single person who saw that document for the rest of his life would have personal information about him that frankly, is just not their business.

And let's face it, many people are not discrete. Let's say you were a child whose birth father abandoned the family and were later adopted by the step-father. Just the kind of juicy gossip someone in your child's school might like to pass around. Think I am being silly? Go to the General Adoptive Parents board. Someone there had a teacher say OUTLOUD to other students that this woman's son was a foster child. Nice, huh? Especially since that particular child did not want that information shared.

No one in our family is trying to hide that our son was adopted -- we actually sent out dozens of adoption announcements to friends and family when he joined our family. But we also don't feel it is necessary to share his personal information with people who don't need to know it -- like the DMV!

He has to have a document establishing his identity -- particularly because we changed his birth name -- and our status as his parents and legal guardians. You can't get a Social Security number, a passport, a driver's license, whatever without it. You can't register your child in school without it either. There's just too many times when you need to share this information with strangers for me to be comfortable making him use an "adoption certificate" instead of an amended birth certificate.

Robin

[WLD]

I keep my son's original birth certificate attached to his amended birth certificate. Actually, i have an original, an amended (he was adopted before my family adopted him) and then the amended one that shows us as his parents. This way he has all the information in one place when he wants it. i didn't realize that they did amended bc when i adopted and thought it strange at first but now i'm glad they do because as previously stated by other posts, it's not everyone's business and sometimes the child doesn't want his personal info blabbed all over town.

[numbr1dbcksfan]

I dont know.. Im with you Growing. A BC is not shared often anyway... and it is completely personal information... I dont want people knowing I was born at "Salvation Army Booth Memorial"... but it is what it is... and an adopted individual is who he or she is... certain things require the document... but not many... we all have to share our private info somewhere.

[Growing]

True. I can understand a person not wanting their personal information out there, but unless we accept ourselves for who we are/our original identity, etc. then we will grow up feeling somehow ashamed and feel like we have to hide the fact or change the fact we are adopted, the circumstances of our life, etc. I just think it would provide for more honesty and acceptance. Kind of like the issues discussed in "Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parent's Knew" - it is better to be accepting and honest and not feel like we have something in our personal information that is necessary to amend.

[NJNative]

Originally Posted by numbr1dbcksfan

I dont know.. Im with you Growing. A BC is not shared often anyway... and it is completely personal information... I dont want people knowing I was born at "Salvation Army Booth Memorial"... but it is what it is... and an adopted individual is who he or she is... certain things require the document... but not many... we all have to share our private info somewhere.

Not many? I think there are an awful lot of times you have to produce and show your birth certificate. Each and every time you register a child for school -- and that included pre-school, elementary, middle school and now high school. You need one to get a Social Security number, marriage license, to register for the military, to get a boating license (honest!), to get a passport, to renew your drivers' license in our state, and often you need it when you start a new job to prove you are a citizen. In this post-9/11 world, you find yourself producing those birth certificates a lot more often than you used to.

Oh yes, I also had to show it to register my son for township sports and then again for township summer programs. Sorry, but I still think that's way too many people who would have to see an "adoption certificate."

[numbr1dbcksfan]

I think it just is what it is... I have seen on the school file that it also wants the adopton certificate if the child is adopted... so you have to show it anyway... For a job you just need a DL and SSC...but for the others...yes a BC.. and there is no reason that the child needs to be ashamed of who he or she is... A BC itself is a private document... but we all have to show it... it is just the way that it is. If we wouldnt think these things were taboo... well then they wouldnt be...

[WLD]

I had to show by BC for my current job but didn't have to show adoption papers to enroll my son at school. Maybe it varies from state to state. While I don't care who knows my son is adopted, and didn't really think about sharing that until i joined this forum and heard that some adoptees that they wanted to be the one to choose who they share whether they are adopted or not.

[carolynppk]

Never bothered me. My parents always told me. They explained why the put down the city they did and told me where I was actually born. I was born during 1965 so it was a closed adoption. Never gave it any thought that it was a "lie". It just was what it was. Actually, I always thought growing up it was cool that they could have put anywhere they wanted. I always said, "Why the town on there and not someplace cool like Hawaii or France!" These are MY parents. I never thought of it as them trying to "pretend" to have given birth to me since I had an ammended birth certificate. It isn't like they chose to ammend it, the court did that.

I agree it is private. People make all kinds of assumptions about me and my martial status because I have two sets of kids with different last names. They always assume I am divorced and not widowed since I am younger. Also kids find out with my youngest one who wasn't even two at the time, and say, "Hey, you're the kid with the dead dad." My adoption is nobody else's business unless I choose to share it with them.

I have never heard of a school asking for an adoption certificate, not saying it doesn't happen, just if you look at my birth certificate, there is NOTHING on it any different from my children or husbands. It doesn't say ammended or anything to show I was adopted, so my school would have had no way of knowing I was adopted.

Like I said, it never bothered me. I am not ashamed of who I am or how I came to be. I have never been embarrassed or felt it a lie when I have had to show my birth certificate. Never bothered my brother either and he was abandon, adopted, the adoption fell through and he was finally adopted by my parents. I guess I owe a lot to my mom and dad for never making me feel abnormal, that I didn't fit it, that I wasn't theirs, that I was missing something or incomplete. For me, my adoption has always been a very happy thing and something that I am proud of. It is how my family came to be.

Carolyn

[Sniffles]

I can understand having an amended bc and why it is needed. I personally would not want to carry around both my bc and adoption certificate just to prove who I am.

IMO though, I feel that when adoptees become a certain age then we should be able to access to the original bc. A law was just passed in my state that gives us access to the original bc ONLY IF we have BOTH of the parents names that are listed on there. It is a step in the right direction, but it still does not help most adoptees.

[NJNative]

A school asked for an "adoption certificate?" Interesting -- especially since we don't even HAVE such a thing. We have a court order, called an adoption decree, but no certificate. It's a long legal paper -- 3 pages I think.

We only have an amended birth certificate, which was hard enough to get -- it took me 18 months to get a copy of that amended birth certificate AFTER the finalization. Which was a problem since my son needed a Social Security number and I couldn't get one. We had to have the IRS give us a waiver on the tax filing for that year, saying we had til the following year to get him a SS#.

BTW, when I applied for a passport for him, somehow the passport office could tell that it was an amended birth certificate. They asked me if there were an court proceedings in connection with this child. Then I think they went and called someone to verify that.

[numbr1dbcksfan]

Sorry.. It was just me talking... I wasnt copying the verbiage from the paperwork....

My daughter's school asked everything known to man.. information from birth... whether there were complications... and a full history including silly stuff like when the first teeth were...and first words...

It was way invaisive....

[Sniffles]

You kidding me! My son's school only asked for BC, shot record, and proof of where we live.