[baby girl watts]

i just got of the phone with my boyfriend of three years, i told him that i had talked to my parents about searching for my a- family. my parents were alot more supportive then i thought they would be. but his reaction broke my heart!

i told him that on my b-day i wanted to keep it low key. i dont do well on b-days. he got up set. he cant under stand how i let "People who dont think or care about me ruin my life" i tried to explain but i got if my parents told me i was adopted i would not care.

i have tried to explain that feeling but it sounds weird to him. he says he supports me but he hates seeing me up set.
insteed of comforting me, he tells me how to fix it but i dont need that i need a hug!!!! i dont know how to get him to understand me, maybe i should have him read that book "twenty things an adopted kid wished their parents knew"

[Nicole28]

Hey - I can relate!

My former boyfriend had a similar attitude that your boyfriend has. I remember telling him how difficult it was to deal with the emotional aspects of being adopted, and how I was searching for my birthfamily. He didn't understand WHY I would be interested in meeting a woman who "gave me up" in the first place. He would say "But you have a family! You have an amazing family...why do you even care to search? Why do you put yourself through this?"

You know what? We can't blame them for not being able to understand. I am a firm believer that you can't understand what it is like to be an adoptee unless you are an adoptee! It's true though, you know? On the flip side, though - he has no excuse for not supporting you. This is something that is important to you - just gently remind him that all you need him to do is listen when you want to talk, give you a hug when you need some TLC and be there for you during your search...that's all.

Remember to take good care of yourself - I ended up avoiding the adoption discussion with my former boyfriend simply because I found it easier and more beneficial to come here & vent to people who knew what I was going through. Perhaps avoiding it altogether was not the best idea...but just remember that you have another outlet for support.

Nicole

[Montraviatommyg]

Birthdays are hard ... my husband is always sensitive on my son's birthday, gives plenty of hugs takes my lead on what we do that day.

Pip

[SarahandSam]

Birthdays are the hardest for me. I have always felt sad and wanted to hide away in my room for the entire day. My amum would try and try to make me happy but something inside me just desperately needed my natural mum on that day and nothing the amum could do would change that need. She never did understand that she just couldn't replace my nat. mum, so stop trying to!

Men though, they have to fix things. It is just what they do. This is probably one of the biggest differences tween the sexes! Being adopted cannot be fixed, however. I cannot tell my boyfriend that because he does not believe it, yet he is not the adopted one !! It can never be fixed, the best I can ever do is try to cope with it.

[snuffie]

Oh, men. If it can't be explained in one or two words they don't want to hear it!
It's not only men though. I've found a lot of people who just plain don't understand the why's of searching. I got some comments like "you had wonderful parents why do you need to search?" and some very unkind, hurtful remarks from a birth cousin.
There are a lot of good things for those who don't understand to read, but again if they aren't adopted there is no way they really, truly can understand.

Maybe just telling your boyfriend that you need a hug? And maybe have him read print some posts off of this forum? Telling him that it really is important to you to have his support whether he fully understands or not.

We are all here to support you. So you are not alone!

Snuffie

[baby girl watts]

it is great to know that im not the only one who goes through theses thing!!! i have never really known an other person who was adopted, and to know that this feelings arent wired is priceless!!!! I LOVE THIS PLACE!!!

[Nicole28]

YAY we all love this place, too.

[SweetnStuff]

Birthdays are incredibly hard for me too. When I met my birthdad and he told me the story of my birth, I wondered if somehow, in some subconcious way or something, I was affected by the depressive surroundings at my birth or if it's just simply that I am adopted, therefore depressed on birthdays. It sure seems to be a common thing amongst us all, huh?

There is someone that I care about so much. He's not really my boyfriend, but more like my best friend but I think we're in love anyway. He's the only person that can make me smile when I feel sad. For whatever it's worth.. just tell him you need support. I think the person we are in love with might be the only person that can ever genuinely and unconditionally be on our side.