[Shanay235]

Hello all…………….
I know this isn’t exactly the correct forum to be posting this on but since I asked the original questions in the thread, thought I’d update everyone on what’s happened in the last few months.

On Aug. 27, 2006, my daughter contacted me via email!!!!! We had our first face to face less than a week later and you could not have asked for a better first meeting. Her parents, brother and boyfriend were at this first meeting along with my husband and two sons. They are wonderful, loving, people whom I like very much.

Since that first meeting her mother and I met for lunch one day so we could talk and that went better than I ever expected. So far, my daughter and I are staying in contact, mostly through emails a few times a week. I have visited her at her dorm room and we’ve all went out to dinner a few times. For Christmas, she made me a photo album full of pictures of her growing up and her mother and I both sent family gifts that everyone could enjoy.

Tomorrow is her 19th birthday………..

AND I WILL BE THERE TO CELEBRATE IT WITH HER!!!!!!!!

[DJbluenosenewfie]

Is she even curious about her origins? I personally was very curious about my own. I remember doing a project in elementary school where we had to tell the teacher who we get our eyes from,ears, nose etc. all the genes stuff. I was so upset over this project. I couldnt do it. My teacher then told me to fake it. I was sick of "faking" it at age 9! knowing who my family is now really helps with answering all those types of questions. and also helps to know medical background.

What are the chances she wants to meet her birth family? I have wanted to meet my birth family for as long as i can remember. I was raised with brothers so all i wanted was my sisters to play barbies and later get dressed up with share clothes and make-up. and i wanted to know my mom. i will never get to know my mom tho as she has passed on. but i do know she was like me so its just like knowing my mom


At 18, is she even old enough to deal with the emotional aspect of a reunion? at 18 i registered myself to find my family. i was reunited at 19. it completley changed my life. i dont think i was emotionaly ready as in my case there is alot of drama in my bio family but i wouldnt change it for the world!

Is there ever a “right time” to make contact? i feel there is no "right time"

How do most adoptive parents feel about reunions?
my adoptive mom felt betrayed...as if i was going to forget my a-family...and i did for a while...i moved across the country to be with a family i didnt even know. it hurt my mom bad...but now we talk quite often about just that and i reasuure her she is my family also and she was there for me growing up. it think it helps her....she tells my nan it does anyway LOL

[confusedkitty]

I am very happy for you that you are getting information that helps you know that she is ok. Having just gone through the very intense ride(23 days ago) that a reunion can bring, I am not sure I could have handled it at 18. I thought I was prepared and wanted that phone call to come(on my 18th), but having just gone through it at age 31(right before my 32nd birthday), I probably would have not been able to handle it. I also think that my aparents would have been a lot worse off with me still being at home rather than married with a family of my own and even now it is still hard on my amom. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

[sstuart]

WOW this is similar to my story. I sure hope that mine turns out as well as yours. Congratulations.

[chrissy2]

I think each of these questions depend on the people involved and different cirumstances.


Is she even curious about her origins?

My parents (Adoptive) tried for years to have kids. They adopted me and my mom become pregnant within months. My parents are wonderful people, but I think the addition of a "real child" as my brother stated when were young, made my curiosty become a natural part of every day.



What are the chances she wants to meet her birth family?

Again, I can only speak for myself. I would say very great. I found this quote on this site quite a while ago and it sums this question up for me -

"In all of us is a hunger, marrow deep, to know our heritage, to know who we are, and where we have come from. Without this enriching knowledge, there is a hollow yearning, no matter what our attainments in life, there is a most disquieting lonliness." - - - Alex Haley




At 18, is she even old enough to deal with the emotional aspect of a reunion?

I have noticed alot of "too young" above. Again, I think that is different for each person. I think this might be the appropriate place to mention something that occured to me in your story (hopefully you revisit). I do not think that it is a good idea to have a neighbor/friend relay a message for you. As, you stated, you do not even know if the message was relayed. If the message was given to the birth parents, it would change (remember the old game of "telephone" - A statement would be wispered from one person to another and at the end of the circle would not be the same). Furthermore, you are not even sure if your daughther is aware of being adopted. How can you be sure they would give her the message?




Is there ever a “right time” to make contact?

I agree with many statements above. No matter when or "what time", this is a difficult issue and exciting at the same time.



How do most adoptive parents feel about reunions?

My parents told me when I graduated, if I wanted, they would help me search. I was afraid of further rejection, at that time. When I was 26, I paid a company $750.00 for medical background. It was a baby step. When I did call my parents, I could hear the hurt (maybe fear) in their voices, but they did and do support any venture I have started. I could not get "my search person" on the phone again. Someone eventually spoke to me on the phone, due to my persistance and told me that birthdays in OH and IN were commonly changed and my b-day might not be my real date of birth. I have been informed by a search angel on this site that this is a false statement. (I realize that I am off point, but appreciate any willing to read the rest of this - I'm on on roll). They went bankrupt with my money (the company, as that was quite a few sentances ago).

I was born in Ohio, adopted in Indiana and lived in California at that time. I did not know what I know now. The year I was born, both OH and IN had strictly sealed adoption records. It was and is illegal to charge money to help someone search in these states. I have read and am not fully sure of the accuracy of my next statement and welcome correction. As I am aware it is either legal or easier for the birthparents to "unseal" these records. So, for now, at 34, I figure, why find someone who does not seem to what to be found. But would welcome being "found".

Again, thanx to anyone that read my little diatribe. I am fully aware that those of you who did, probably have a headache........

[healingfeeling]

i like your post chrissy....and i don't have a headache! thanks for sharing

[Sun8]

Very insightful... wonderful words of wisom...and NO I dont have a headache
LOL

[gr8fuladoptee]

Thanks for sharing your experience,Chrissy. Sorry about the heartache and scams you went through. I'm praying one day you will be"found" as you said. No headache for me either.

[chrissy2]

I posted a response in this thread to hopefully help answer questions asked by a birth mother. To: gr8fuladoptee
Sun8
healingfeeling

It was nice for 3 wonderful souls to respond to my rambling and not only say I did not cause a migrane, but I was told you (plural) liked my posting, found words of wisdom, and thanked me for sharing. Bonus, prayers came with. I was not expecting to see any of this and was very touched by each and every one of you.


vbmenu_register("postmenu_1689219", true);

[L@@king2]

Originally Posted by Shanay235

Hello all…………….
I know this isn’t exactly the correct forum to be posting this on but since I asked the original questions in the thread, thought I’d update everyone on what’s happened in the last few months.

On Aug. 27, 2006, my daughter contacted me via email!!!!! We had our first face to face less than a week later and you could not have asked for a better first meeting. Her parents, brother and boyfriend were at this first meeting along with my husband and two sons. They are wonderful, loving, people whom I like very much.

Since that first meeting her mother and I met for lunch one day so we could talk and that went better than I ever expected. So far, my daughter and I are staying in contact, mostly through emails a few times a week. I have visited her at her dorm room and we’ve all went out to dinner a few times. For Christmas, she made me a photo album full of pictures of her growing up and her mother and I both sent family gifts that everyone could enjoy.

Tomorrow is her 19th birthday………..

AND I WILL BE THERE TO CELEBRATE IT WITH HER!!!!!!!!

Oh Shanay!! How SO wonderful!! I love it! Hoping I can report the same soon!

and thanks for reviving this thread!

[healingfeeling]

Originally Posted by chrissy2

I posted a response in this thread to hopefully help answer questions asked by a birth mother. To: gr8fuladoptee
Sun8
healingfeeling

It was nice for 3 wonderful souls to respond to my rambling and not only say I did not cause a migrane, but I was told you (plural) liked my posting, found words of wisdom, and thanked me for sharing. Bonus, prayers came with. I was not expecting to see any of this and was very touched by each and every one of you.


vbmenu_register("postmenu_1689219", true);

thank you so much for being you!!!!! hope to see you posting more!

[Sun8]

Thank you chrissy,,,, just keep on posting and thank you ALSO for being you!