[blel0906]

I just found out I was adopted about 2 weeks ago at the age of 35 whille cleaning out my A mothers house after placing her in a nursing home for alzheimers... I stumbled upon the papers...I have gotten little bits of info from relatives that knew I was an adoptee not much to go on possibly a birthmothers last name...I was never told and per my mothers wishes I was never to know..I was always given answers that never made me suspicious..besides the fact that I always thought I looked like my family and have even had people that don't know us make comments about how much I look like my mother and how my one brother and I look so much alike (He is not adopted)

This is what I do know.I was born in New York 8/26/1970 at 1:55 pm (according to my amended birth certificate)Born in Manhattan and adopted through Nassau county social services..Birth Certificate says born at The New York Hospital..I tried doing a search and could not find an exact match for the hospital name...as a child my father had said I was born at Belvue...according to my husband my mother told him Queens general..No Doctors name is listed...My cousin (who is much older than me) said she was told that I was of Irish Decent which was a big plus for my parents (Dad is 100%) At least one of the parents was a college student..she thinks the birth mother was still in high school...according to the documents I do have I was about 3 months old before I was placed out of a foster home...Their is a foster home report of my schedule and general observations...the adoption was not finalized untill the month before my 1st birthday but foster home report shows my name (or the name I have always known myself as) this info alone leaves me with a bunch of questions..why was I 3 months old when I was placed...on the report It has a question about anyone other than the foster mother interact with the child..yes it says Father, Children, Grandparents...it does not specify if these are foster or natural...In anouther surprise revelation my oldest brother who passed away last year had told his friend that my birth mothers name was Davenport...I don't know if I should trust this information..Long story but I can't rely on much that he may have said at one time or anouther...however he would have been old enough to know a lot he was 10 years older than me..other brother was only 4 and did not understand anything that was going on...

So far what I have done is filled out and sent in the registry to the state of New York..Looked on a few reunion sights to see if anyone was looking for me...some of them are not very user friendly...In the mean time what else can I be doing other than waiting for at least 6 months..From what I have read New York is a very difficult state to get info from...Should I find a search angel to check the birth registries and would they be able to find anything with the limited info I have? I don't have an attornies name..their is a business envelope but it does not appear to be an attorneys office..I also tried searching the name with no luck...I do know that the adoption was handled through social services..this is about all my father could remember..No adoption agency and not through the catholic church which I suspected (I have an Aunt that was a nun) I may consider hiring an PI or intemediary but want to have as much info as possible before taking on that expense..and honestly before I can make the decision to seek them out I would like to have some of the story put together first...as much as I want to know I don't want to hurt anyone..I have already come up with some wild senerios in my head..based on what I have I have come to the conclusion that it was a couple kids that made a mistake...I am suspicious that their was some debate as to wheather to keep me or not (hence the 3 month placement) or possibly that something happened to the birthmother and that the birthfather and family (this is purely comming from the comment on the foster report) decided adoption would be in my best interest..I have read the horror stories of birth moms that were forced, shamed or tricked into adoption against their will...could this be what happened to me...I have no complaints about my childhood..It was not perfect..my parents divorced when I was 4 my mother moved us to Florida I visited my father 2 times a year...I never went without anything I was even a little privledged and maybe even spoiled...but also sheltered and overprotected...I think learning this info answered why my mother was so overprotective..however she was not overbearing..the worst thing in my life was my oldest brother who was mentally ill he caused a lot of pain for everyone in my family...I have alwasy been very close and protective of my A mother as well...this info changes nothing She is my mother always has been and always will..

Thanks for any help anyone can give me...sorry I went on and on...I have a tendancy to write novels..

[eastendmommy]

Hi and welcome! I don't have any advice for you other than what you are already doing...I can't imagine how it must've felt to discover this at age 35... this is what most birthmothers fear from the moment that their baby is placed - that they will never be told that they are adopted... What a shock that must've been for you. I'm sorry that you found out going through your Mother's things...you surely were overwhelmed with questions swimming through your head...

Good luck. Sounds like a job for a professional, since you have such limited information. I wish you peace.

Hugs, Tammi

[snuffie]

Hi
Welcome to the forums!
Wow, what a shock it must have been to find out at age 35 and in the midst of dealing with emotions about placing your amom in a nursing home. I have been there too as my amom also had Alzheimers and it is soo hard to see someone you love so much deal with this horrible disease.

It does sound like you have done a lot of the things worth trying. I have been reunited for 5 years now and it has been one of the most fulfilling, wonderful things in my life. It sounds like you have requested your non ID which is a good place to start but I do have a caveat. My non ID was not accurate so even with the information that is on our adoption papers, the whole or true story may be something different. Also, typos and inaccuracies abound in earlier records so if a hospital name looks like or sounds like something else it could be. Sometimes little clues are lurking too that we pass up thinking they are unimportant. It is a good idea to keep a "log" of everywhere and everything you have done in your search.

I wish you much happiness in your search and reunion.

Hugs
Snuffie

[Montraviatommyg]

No advice at all and like Tammi (eastendmommy) that was always my fear that my son wasn't told he was adopted. Whatever the reasoning was behind not tellling you my misgivings behind this is over medical history. You have grown up believing your family's medical history is yours but it isn't. I wish you all the best in finding out information and keep us posted as you will need support from those who understand.



Pip

[wilted rose]

Hi blel0906, welcome. I echo what the others have replied. This has to be alot to consider especially your amoms' fragile state. I have been in reunion for close to two years, and it has been a huge blessing in my life. When I embarked on my search I had only bits and pieces and I, too found it helpful to keep all my info organized in a binder. It's true somethings that seem insignificant tend to match up with other pieces of info that turns into a lead. Good luck with your search and there is alot of support here on these forums.
Rose

[mommymassaro]

Hello...this is a confusing and frustrating time. I have been right where you are at. The very first thing you need to do is obtain a copy of your "original" birth certificate. Your current birth certificate should say where you were born...call the vital statistics office for that area and obtain a copy of your "original" birth certificate. Once you have it you will be able to see your birth mothers maiden name and possibly ( if he's known or listed ) your fathers name to. From there you can start looking. I found intelious to be the most effective site out there for me. Chances are if you were a foster child....your birth parents are probably looking for you to. When I called vital statistics they had something where if someone called trying to locate you then it would show that you were also looking for them and they would send out letters to both parties to see if you were still interested in meeting. It didn't help me but it might help you...it can't hurt to ask about it. I was born in Kansas...I don't know if every state has this or if it is only Kansas. Good luck

[mommymassaro]

Sorry one more thing....I also kept everything from my searches in a binder....13 binders full to be exact. I found my birth mother almost 3 years ago

[blel0906]

Wow thanks for the response..Guess if nothing else I will learn patience...yes it was quite a shock but surprisingly I was not as shocked as you would think, I got over it in a mater of 10 minutes ...I don't know how to describe the feeling...First person I called was my husband...this part is funny and a little creepy..just the night before he was teasing me and saying he discovered something about me at my moms house that I bet I did not even know...so kiddingly I said what did you find my adoption papers!!! Of course he thought it was a big joke when I called him. Honestly I don't think her origional intent was to keep it from me I think it grew into a fear of me rejecting her as the years passed...you would have to know what my oldest brother had put her through to understand...it disappoints me that she had such little faith in our bond and saddens me I may never be able to tell her how I feel...Honestly I feel like I have been given a wonderful gift...possibly had the info come to me in anouther way or at a differnt time I may feel differntly about things...My SIL is adopted and has known since she was 8...someone made a comment and her mother explained it to her..I asked her about searching and she has never had a desire to find out anything..I don't understand that probably as much as she doesn't understand my desire to put the whole story together and know everything I possibly can..


Anyway I understand New York can be a difficult state to deal with...I can try requesting my origional BC but from what I have read its not likely I will get it.I read somewhere that possibly if the adoption was not handled right away the info may not have been changed in the the state birth registry so I have thought about finding a search angel to help me..I am not too keen on posting my info online on reunion sights but may sound the soundex registry.

[mommymassaro]

My huband recently got a copy of his original birth certificate from New York. He was born in White Plains, New York. We had to fill out some forms from the law library and provide indentification of who he is but he got it. He was not adopted but his dad raised him and he did not know who his mother was. I can also tell you that it is the obligation of each state within the USA to keep accuarte birth and death records of every individual who is born or died within the state at all times and if they fail to do so it is punishable by fedral law. I can pull the statute for you if you need it. Some vital statisics offices keep the records in different places. Example my vital statistics office is seperate from the court house....my husbands was found and filed for within court records. No matter what if you contact vital statistics they can point you in the right direction and tell you what you will need to do to obtain a copy of yours. Also...when you are adopted your birth certificate does change... but there is always a before the change was made copy. I was adopted at birth. The my parents were divorced...my adopted mom married 4 times and all 4 men adopted me. Then when I was almost 13 I went into foster care and due to some circumstances my case wroker petitioned the courts to have her last husbands rights revolked and his name removed from my birth certificate. I have copies of every "version" of my birth certificate. Each time the birth certificate and registery changed. Well good luck to you.

[carmel drake]

Hi, I am a reunited mother to a daughter just about your age. She was placed in a foster home for the first three months of her life. I was never told that she would go there...I was told that I couldn't change my mind and keep her because a good and proper couple were to be her parents, that she was going straight to them.

I found out 19 years later about the foster home on her non id information...my daughter grew up asking her amom where was she for those three months and her mom said that she didn't know.

I have most of my story posted on a forum called cocersion across canada..if you would like to know of some of the reasons why mother's and their babies ended up adopted.
There are many reasons why one choses adoption, but most do welcome reunion or some contact...If you phone or write for your original birth certificate, I've been told to not mention that you are adopted...There is also members group called LDA..late discovery adoptees...I am not sure of the address, maybe another member knowns it or you could goole search it.

I wish you a successful search and wonderful reunion
Carmel, reunited Jan.05,with April lynn born 06/18/71

[carmel drake]

Whoops!! I should have stated that my daughter's mom also had no idea about the foster home..she was only told that a baby girl had just arrived and both parents went to pick her up the next day.

[llarson]

Hi.

I was born and adopted in New York, Port Jervis, Jan 25, 1966 and had the adoption handled through the Orange Co Dept of Social Services. I have always known I was adopted but only recently decided to search for my birthparents & siblings. I signed up with the New York Adoption Registry and have recently received from New York Dept of Vital Records non-identifying information off the original birth certificate -- my birthparents ages, my weight, and that my birthmother had a normal delivery and that she had 2 prior children. I am now waiting to hear from the Orange Co Dept of Social Services with their report. I was also placed in a foster home at birth and was not adopted until I was 2 years old. I was told my birthmother put me there and came to visit me almost everyday and only decided to sign the papers to put me up for adoption when I was around 18 mo. old. I only have my first name given to me at birth (I assume) which was later changed at the time of my adoption. I don't even know the hospital I was born in.

I have found out that in order to obtain a copy of your original birth certificate in NY you have to petition the court in which your adoption was handled (and even then you may not get it).

Good luck in your search.

Laura