[kate298]

Ok all this is some what relative, so here it goes.... Ok I am thinking about becoming a single parent via sperm donor.... I have a accointance (spelling?) that might donate for me.... heres the thing.... he wouldn't be deemed a "good Example" for the child, with him being a bit wild himself... is it necessary to tell the child that Bdad is his dad? He might want to end up seeing his son/daughter would it be ok if to referred to him as "uncle so-in-so" or mommys friend insted of dad? Or do you really need to tell the truth... this would only be to benefite the child if he were to chose not to see him much. What do you think?

[JPDakota]

Always tell the truth. In my opinion there is no place for lies in the world of parenting.

[Nik8210]

The truth has a funny way of comming out in the end no matter what happens.

It best to be honest

NIK

[whitsunday15]

I agree, don't hold the truth from him.

[adopted_78]

I think every child has the right to know who their birth parents are.

[Nicole28]

Yes - of course you need to tell the truth. No question about it!

Like Nik said - the truth would eventually come out anyway, and you do not want your child to be angry or feel betrayed because you were dishonest.

Nicole

[carolynppk]

Okay, our two choices are:


#1, be dishonest and then when the truth comes out, as it always does, your child will not trust you and wonder what else you have lied to them about...

or

#2, be honest and explain, that your bfather didn't want to be a "parent" but was a good enough friend to help me achieve something I wanted.


Hmmmm...no brainer, honesty is always the best policy. Sometimes it may be a little hard to swallow, but it sure beats being lied to, especially about something so important to us adoptees, where did we come from.

Just my two cents.

Carolyn

[athena09]

I agree!! Tell the truth, it always prevails in the end.

[image]

As an adoptee I found it hard to cope with the fact I had parent/s who didnt want me from birth.
I think what your talking about doing is a whole different level. Yes, truth should be told but I think that you would need to be even more delecate with the way you present to truth...

[Bubbles71]

Kate298, I agree with everyone else that truth is the best option and starting as early as you can with the baby. It would be devastating to the child to find out later in life either from someone else or even you. Having been adopted myself and being told from as early as I can remember is the only way. It doesnt stop any hurt but I am sure it will lessen it.
It will also help with identity problems. Many adoptess will tell you that they have problems with their identity. Its the not knowing that really hurts in the long run.
I can understand this is a huge step for you so please take it carefully and consider everyones feelings.

good Luck

[Stagal]

you have to tell the truth! It might be hard, but if you lie, and your child finds out, it could affect your whole relationship. Plus he/she may feel more urgancy to find bdad rather than be satisfied with just mum and the knowledge that you have of him.