[Nicole28]

Here's an interesting question: who are the people in your life that know about your adoption story? Is it just family members? Is it just your closest friends? Is it just your significant other/spouse? Do you tell just about everyone?

This question came about after one my of college classes last week. We are required to give a 10 minute personal reflection in class, and I talked about being adopted. This prompted a TON of questions from my professor and classmates - I am wondering how other people approach the issue of whether or not to share your adoption story and with whom.

Nicole

[JoEvans]

Nicole,

Best luck in your search. I have a daughter who is the same age. Well.. she was born in October, but same year. We are reuniting this summer after 10 years apart.

Pregnancy and/or adoption in teens seem to have changed in the community through the years. In my opinion.

When I was younger, in elementry school, next to our school we had this place for young mothers. So they could finish their education and take their babies to school with them. I got pregnant in my senior year and transferred to a school for young mothers. But now, heck, girls will continue at their same high school pregnant. How times have changed.

I am not shy about discussing that I have three children that I have given up. Well... I dont wear it on my sleeve or broadcast it. Sometimes, I would just say, they live with their fathers. But its true! (they all were given up for different reasons, at different ages, for in that time in my life, I felt overwhelmed and I felt it was the best for my child)

[momof2under2]

I pretty much tell everyone if it comes up.

[Nicole28]

I'm really open about my adoption, too. Why not? I have nothing to be ashamed of. I'm proud to be an adoptee!

I also think it is important to increase adoption awareness among the people in my life.

Keep the answers coming!

[Raina0831]

When I discuss my adoption with others, it's generally just about how I came to be adopted, how I searched, and where things are now. I discuss it with friends, and my husband, but only if something new happens. Other than that, I really don't talk about it with anyone. But, it's not that I'm ashamed or anything like that. I'm just a pretty private person in general. I mean, I've shared things on this forum that I just wouldn't share with the people in my life. They just wouldn't "get" some of the things I've shared here, so I guess, I figure, why bother. It's just the way I am. .

Raina

[Nicole28]

Raina -

Most of my close friends don't "get" the things I have been through/are going through, either. I have finally come to terms with that...I used to think "Come on! It isn't that hard to understand!" but as I get older (and more wise, ha ha ha ) I realize that adoption is an extremely complex concept to grasp.

I share a lot of things on this forum that I do not share with people in my life..that's the great thing about being here!

[Raina0831]

Nicole,


It's really an odd thing, because, even as "different" as I felt growing up, it never really dawned on me that adoption, and everything it involves, is such a foreign thing to others. But as I read, learn, and experience more about it, I realize that anyone who isn't directly involved really can't grasp the realities of it. No matter how much they want to and how much they try.

Raina

[heartened]

I'm open about it if/when it comes up. I mean, I don't tell every person I meet, "Hey, I'm adopted" but if the subject comes up during a conversations, I have no hesitation in saying I am. I think all of my friends know. I know that I've never deliberately held back that information even in casual conversations with people I'll never see again. If the topic comes up, I tell. I'm certainly not ashamed or anything.

[carolynppk]

If it comes up or it is relative to what we are talking about, I let it be known. I have no problem talking about it. My parents have always been open and honest about it, making me very comfortable in my skin, so to speak. I like that it is no big thing for me because I may be able to change someone's perspective about adoption. I'm an open book.


Carolyn

[randloar]

Its funny to think about this, as when this comes up I tend to share that I was adopted without really thinking twice about it. It is amazing to me how interested everyone is to learn more about adoption and they have sooooo many questions. Afterwards I always feel like I have enlightened one more person that now won't stereotype adoption/adoptees in the same negative way they may have before.

[Nicole28]

randloar - me too! I feel like I've educated someone, which is always a step in the right direction.

[Raina0831]

I went back and read my first post to this thread. As I said before, I am a pretty private person and am pretty selective in who I discuss things with. The people in my life who know about my adoption, have known for years. So I was shocked when I ended up telling two coworkers about the biggest piece of my life the other day.

I had just started my new job two weeks ago and mentioned the other day to two ladies in the office that my sister and I talk on the phone for at least a couple hours each weekend. My coworker asked how many siblings I have...such an innocent "getting to know you" type question that I was completely unprepared for. I had one abrother growing up. I now have somewhere around 11 or 12 siblings...I've lost count. So, when I paused before answering, I felt like I needed to explain myself. One lady told me that she has a friend who was adopted. She didn't find out until she was around 45 years old. Her amom had kept it from her and on her deathbed, decided she'd better tell her daughter the truth. Within a few months of her amom's death, she'd found her bmom. Unfortunately, her bfather had passed away. It was nice to share and it was nice to find a connection - even if it was a distant one. I wasn't judged, I wasn't ostracized or anything like that....not that I would expect to be. I guess sometimes I hold in a little too much about myself (fear of rejection) and end up missing out on some potentially good friendships because of it.....a lesson learned.

Raina

[Nicole28]

Thanks, Raina

I figured most people would answer the way they did, but I think maybe I'm a little surprised that 15% are fairly reserved (or maybe a better word is "cautious") about who they share their adoption story with. Interesting!

Thanks guys

If anyone here has an idea for a poll they'd like to see, let me know & I'll be more than happy to set it up.

Have a good week!

Nicole

[RSargeant]

Im very open about being an adoptee. I love to talk about it to whoever, whenever it may come up. It doesnt make me uncomfortable at all. Actually I think other people think its more uncomfortable than it really is. I would share with anyone if the chance arose.