[UK Trace]

I know I suffer greatly from feelings of rejection and abandoment but can't get the feelings to come to the surface. I know all about the words and read about the stuff but just can't feel the stuff. I sit in my Therapists office and find that I have wandered of into space, only to be brought back to earth with my Therapists usual question of "What you looking for?" I normally shake my head and reply "Dunno". I think the unconsious me is still looking for her. Dam I've never met my birt mother but seem to have such an incredible cord connection that needs cutting! My body memory is still stuck in 1962! I wish I could just get the dam process over with and feel the grief and loss and move on. Why am I so stuck? Am I looking for her when I wander of? LIke a motor inside of me that has a mind and a drive of its own and searches for her even when I'm asleep! Sorry I just need to let this stuff out!

[erschopft]

The internet allows people (especially men, men arent allowed to express emotion right) to express what they are too scared to express to the normal people in their lives. I don't know what to think of therapists. I saw one and she asked why I wouldnt open up and I told her because she is pushey and intimidating. PERSONALLY (i dont have a degree in this stuff) I think that therapists are good at pushing us to push our selves, but we need to practice opening up to all the other people in our lives.