[KaseyHamnerM.S.]

Hello,

Please share your experience with feeling abandoned, or not. Talk about some of the crazy things you have done in the name of abandonment. Also, please offer suggestions on how you were able to change your behavior and not feel abandoned any longer.

Thank you.

Kasey

[carolynppk]

Dear Kasey,

For me personally, I have never felt abandon. Like I have said so many times over, I think that the way my adoption was handled has kept me from ever feeling abandon. This was how God made me become the child my parents could not biologically have. I have always known I was adopted and that my birthmother was 16. My parents never made me feel like she abandon me, quite the opposite, they told me she did the most loving and caring thing a mother could do. For this I have never felt anything but love and admiration for my birthmother. I think it has shaped me into the parent I am today. I feel she put me above all else, her own needs and wants, so that I may have the best life. I have a strong faith, at 33 my husband died who was 35. I was left with three small children at the time. I don't think God took Scott from me to cause me pain or whatever. I think we all have things that happen in our life and the real test is what we choose to do with it. I don't think God took Scott from me to make me more compassionate, but that is one of the blessings that came from a tradegy. It is sad that one person had to give up their child, but what a giving act, especially being a child herself at 16. She gave the most wonderful gift in the world to two people who could not have a baby of their own. With everything she gave me, with all of my needs being placed above all else, how could I ever feel abandon? But I know each situation is different. I just feel very blessed in mine. Thank you.

Carolyn

[hprestonalexand]

I think I do have feelings of abandonment or at least I did. I have been able to work through them and I am at a different place in life now.
I think the feelings I had of abandonment were really intensified because of how my childhood went.

My adoptive father was an abusive alcoholic, my mother chose to be in denial of this for the most part and blamed me for my anger and lashing out and fits of depression/emotional distress/crying, she couldn't handle it all and would become numb in some ways ignoring me. I felt like I had been abandoned by my birth mother and that no truly loved me, if I was loved, I wouldn't have been treated so badly.

Time, forgiveness and acceptance helped me to heal and learn, and love.
Also, I think meeting a woman who lived with my birth mother and her telling me things about my birth mother and how she felt about me and my adoption really really helped me to heal and understand and let go of things there were holding me down. Sometimes you just cant do it on your own, if I hadn't met the roommate, I don't quite know where I would be or how I would feel now, but I did and I feel good.

Thank you

[allabouthorses]

I have never consciously felt that I have a fear of abandonment, but I know that deep down, I do. I never considered that my nparents abandoned me, but as an infant, I must have felt abandoned when I was handed over to the CAS.

In all my relationships, I know that I have always been afraid of losing the other person. My amom says that when I started kindergarten, I absolutely screamed. I hated being away from her, at times, up through grade 3.

[Sammie86Sosa]

When I was 18 mounths old the state took me and my siblings away. We went to at least 3 foster homes. One i didnt remember beacuse i was to young. The second one the foster mother dot tried to adopted us but instead ot arrested for child abuse. she would hit us constenly. Then there was my other foster home where my foster father raped my brother and i.

When I was finally adopted at six years of age i have already went threw homes and was seprated from my siblings.

My adoptive parents never really talked about it. My adoptive mother was quick to tell me bad things about my brith mom. things such as she ran away to the circus. Beacuse of my cirumstances i am always afraid to be left again.

When in a public place i have to have the car keys or something to comfort me in thinking they cant leave without it.

IDK i was told i have Borderline personality disorder. Due to my past. they say therpy will help...

I am not yet over this feeling and fear!