[calligula]

ok i have a question thats sort of been bugging me for awhile? i have heart rummors that parents who adopt, are paid money by the government to help support that child? is this true? and how much is it per month? also my real mother was in the military, and passed away? does anyone know if the money had anything to do with that?
my main reason for asking is, that i have heard from many sources, for one being my adoptive parents that they recieved money, but they later changed this to say they hadn't. and all through my growing up, i kept hearing, we don't have enough money for this, we don't have money for that, but they always found money for their children?
my brother and sister aren't in huge debt to put them selves through school, in fact they didn't even need a job the whole time, but i did, plus a ton of student loans. i am just wondering, if somewhere along the line, money that was supposed to be used for me, and saved for me, was misspent. or did they just not get very much? i really have no idea where else to ask. so i thought maybe someone here would have gone through a similar thing. any ideas on places i could go to find out, or resources, or personal stories would be of great help.
thanks.

[BrandyHagz]

I don't think there was a stipend in place for children adopted from the system (foster care) until the late seventies/early eights, but I could be wrong.

Were you adopted as an infant or from the system as an older child?

[calligula]

it was about 1984 - 1985. i was 4. and it wasn't really from the system, i am not incredibly familiar with how things work, but i was adopted by family members after my mother passed away.

[BrandyHagz]

Then its possible…in fact, I’ve even heard of cases where children were eligible to continue to receive the death benefits of their deceased birthparent after adoption…you may never be able to find out about the subsidy or even about the death benefit…unless your adoptive parents are willing to share that information with you.

[calligula]

yeah i was wondering if it was life insurance or something like that, but i have been out on my own since i was 18, and haven't gotten a cent. i haven't seen any moeny from the government, the military, or from life insurance. i wasn't really aware there would be anything, until a family friend said my mother had told her about something once, but then i asked her and she said no. then once near the end of highschool, i needed money for a ski trip, my dad said no we have no money, but my mom said that yes they get money a month for me, and they could use that. but then later when i asked about it, or how much it was, they denied mentioning it. so i am wondering where it all went. like if it was legitimately spent thats fine, but the sketchy answers are what make me think something else happened.

[Lis6191]

After your mother passed your "caregivers" should've rec'd Social Security benefits. I have friends in which 1 spouse has died and the other is receiving SS monthly for each minor child -- ~ $800/mo per child. Now, I'm not sure if adoption by someone else would negate that. I would think not. And, yes, I would think the military would pay a death benefit/life insurance of sorts, not to mention any other life insurance policy that your mother held. I suspect you would need her SSN to check with the military on any benefits paid out in her behalf. But you may be able to get information using your SSN from Social Security. Obviously, monies paid were intended to be used to raise you, not necessarily all saved up for you to use one day. For this reason, hubby and I started mutual funds in our children's SSN (UGMA) that will be theirs someday -- if we were to pass my brother and SIL could use SS money and life insurance to raise/feed/clothe our children. I'm not sure what you intend to do with this info as it seems the past is past, but it sounds like it is really bothering you. Just my 2 cents.

[HappyMomAnna]

Even if your adoptive family did recieve a subsidy or social security they are NOT required to save it for you to use as an adult--they are supposed to use it for the needs that having an addiotional child might require.

If it was Social Security that would be seen a lot like a child support payment.....My second husband and I recieved child support from the father of my children to use in order to raise them....We did not have to save the funds for the kids....and what my second husband earned did not change what their father owed for child support....

Social Security and Adoption Assistance are offered to families who provide for children who may not otherwise have had a family to call thier own..... Adoption Assistance is often based on what the child needs...and special things the child might need given the history.... It is usually not a ton of money. Social Security would have been based on the earnings and benifits that the biological family may have established and are provided for children to have their basic needs be met....

While I don't think it is fair that the biological children may have recieved MORE from your adoptive family it does not actually mean that the adoptive parents took from you to give to their other children..... What may older children recieve in child support goes into our family budget and is NOT accounted for....If someone asked me to account for it I could with great ease---1/3 of the motgage--1/3 of the electric bill--1/3 of the food budget--1/3 of the car payment--1/3 of the car insurance--1/3 of the chirstmas bill--1/3 of the vacation costs--1/3 of the wardrobe budget--1/3 of the cost of every part of the household which supports a total of 6 people with 2 recieving child support--If forced to demonstarte that I used child support FOR the children recieveing it 1/3 of everything counts!

It could very well be true that you were ripped off and that your life was given lower priority then the other children....But my adopted children may grow up to recieve ten times the things my older children have---and my adopted children may have a far bigger support of college then my older children have....Ironically the older children have almost exactly the same amount for child support as we get for the adoption assistance of the adopted children recieve--THE difference is that WE are doing better as our younger children grow up....we have another 11 years to save for the adopted children to start college--and we are going to be more finaincially able to give more to these younger children then we did for the older two....

My older two may resent this later---they may be angry that their younger adopted siblings GET More....

But also when youlook at things my husband was the youngest of three and when he was off at college his parents ran out of money to help--his older siblngs had much more assistance then he got--he resents it but his family had what they had and did the best they could....so he had to work harder take more loans and provide more for himself just because he was the little guy---he even had to give up Santa and trips to disneyland sooner then they did...the older kids got cars...he didn't..... He cannot point his finger and claim he was abused and ripped off over any of it--that was just the reality of the family budget....

It may be that your adoptive parents took advantage of some additional support money---the question is COULD they have adopted you and taken care of all their children without it? If they could not have provided for a family with one more child added without the additional funds...then perhaps they did do the BEST things they could for the children they were raising....?

[calligula]

i am not asking for them to give me money, or for money to show up. i am not asking for a hand out, its the fact that they aren't forward with responses of things that concern me, and as an adult i should be allowed to know. if legitimately all spent on me, or to help the family thats fine. But my adopted father didn't have a job for quite a few years, and i only ever recieved hand me down clothing. and now that i am out of the house, (i am the last) they are off on trips to florida, cancun, and a few other places every year, how come all the money now, and i am getting no support through school, when my brother and sister recieved so much? it just seems to be a pattern, and they wont account for it. Like i have never done it in an accusitory tone, but they still are shifty about their responses, and also contradictory, first saying yes, then no. i am just confussed about what happened.

[HappyMomAnna]

I can very much respect how this makes you feel.... There are many of us Adoptive parents who do recieve the subsidy and worry how our children Might feel when they grow up to learn that we 'got paid' to be their parents.... Some of us sure do think that it is possible that our children will feel differently about why we adopted them if they know that we got a check every month!!!! I know that it would have bugged me to think about my parents getting money to be my parents....

I can also sympothize with how it sure must feel that you were gipped in the fact that now they have all this extra cash laying around and they vacation.....

Is your relationship with your adoptive parents OVERALL a good one?