[Anastasia2226]

I just wanted to write and tell my story. I haven't searched for birth family or anything. I am 30 and I have the best adoptive parents!!! I've known i was adopted since I can remember. I was adopted when i was two weeks old in Panama city. My parents have always celebrated my adoption day as my special day!! I couldn't ask for better parents than the ones i have. I am thankful that my biomom gave me up. My parents have given me the info they do know and I know that while it must've been very hard it was the best decision. My parents have been supportive of me searching but as of now i haven't felt the need to search. I know that some are bitter or upset about being adopted but I just wanted to post and say that there are adoptees out there that are happy and well adjusted. I do have to say i do have a hard time with the term bmom because to me my mom is the one who has cared for me my whole life. I've had incredible experiences being a military brat. I feel so lucky every year when it rolls around to my birthday on the 26th of january or february 12th for my special day. thanks for letting me share my little bit with all of you.

Kelly

[Lis6191]

Hi, Kelly, welcome to the forum. You will find many of us here grew up in wonderful adoptive families and I, too, have only been able to call my mom, "mom." But as I get to know my bmom better she is becoming more like a mom to me, too. Not all of us are bitter. Very few that I've gotten to know, actually. As you ride the emotional rollercoaster you have good days and bad. I chose to ride the emotional rollercoaster and not live the rest of my life in ignorant bliss. My reunion experience combined with this forum and what I've learned about myself is making me happier than I ever realized it would. You will read a lot of stuff out here, try to learn from it and have an open mind

[Nicole28]

It's nice to see another adoptee who considers herself to be well-adjusted and happy...I think there is a big misconception that all adoptees MUST be depressed, miserable, and extremely poorly equipped to survive in our world! I enjoyed your post.

I have always gone back and forth on my opinion regarding the word "birthmother" too. Everyone has a different opinion and a different feeling about that term! For me personally, it's an okay term to use. However, I would not consider my birthmom to be a "mother" so to speak...I think mother goes hand-in-hand with the word "parent," and to me a parent is someone who raises a child, protects them, nurtures them, etc. A lot of people say "natural mom" instead...there's a whole slew of terminology that people use. To each his own!

It's interesting that you are "thankful" that your birthmother relinquished you for adoption considering that you don't know the circumstances surrounding that decision. (I prefer the term "relinquish" over "gave up.") I am thankful for my incredible, wonderful, super-duper adoptive parent's, but I don't know if I would say that I am "thankful" that I was relinquished for adoption. Maybe if I found out that my birthmother was a homeless drug addict who couldn't have cared for me properly then I would consider myself "thankful" to have been relinquished...personally, unless I knew the circumstances surrounding my adoption, (which I do not) it would be hard to decide if I was "thankful" or not. I do, however, feel incredibly blessed to have been adopted into such a great family.

I'm still searching for my birthmom, and I've sort of hit a dead-end with my search. I am always hopeful, though, that I will be reunited with her someday.

Thanks for sharing!

Nicole

[RiverGal]

Kelly ~ As a birthmom, I take comfort in posts such as yours. I'm so happy to hear that you had a wonderful life and are so happy in your adult years.

Special blessings to you and your wonderful family, and welcome to the forum!

~Deb

[carolynppk]

I, too, am a happy adoptee. I was adopted at six days old. I am 39 and had NO desire to search until this last year. I have never considered my adoptive parents anything less than the real thing. Looking back at my life at thirty, my letter would have been exactly like yours. I don't know what happens or when it happens, but something inside you just becomes curious. I have six children, they range in age from 18 to one. I knew a lot about my birth mother, but since starting my search I have found out so much more. I started my journey by wanting my health information and to thank her for giving me the best gift in the whole world, my parents. I never expect the emotions and the need to find until I started my search. The Vice President/Social Worker of the agency I was placed through said she finds her average age for women to begin their search is in their early 40's. (I wasn't far off!!) I thought this would be a breeze. I had no idea the emotions I would experience once I started, thought I would just jot down a letter, get my medical info and be on my way. I think there is a primal need to know where we all came from and or heritage. Some one in here signs their name with a Alex Haley quote that says just that (only in more elequent words!). I am glad that you are happy and well adjusted. I am sure that you will find most of feel the same way about our lives and our parents. We are all just on different points of our journey and we have each had unique experiences that have compelled us for different reasons to search. I have just enjoyed this forum because it has given me such insight and to know I am not alone in my feelings. This is an incredible group of people with a great support system. I have experienced nothing but positivity from this site. Thank you for your post.

Carolyn

[dl]

Anastasia2226 ~ Thank you for sharing your story. It's great to read positive stories.

I was adopted at 13 months and like you had the best parents!! I also never felt the need to search and found out by chance that I could get non-id from the agency that handled my adoption and that they would act as an intermediary if I wanted to attempt contact. After reading so many posts on the forum of biological parents longing to know if the child was well and what type of life it had etc. I decided to try contact thinking perhaps someone was wondering about me ~ in my case, no one was wondering. I have met biofather and two bioHalf-siblings. They're nice people and it's been interesting to look at pictures etc. But, like you, there is only one "Dad" and "Mom" to me.

I completely agree ~ "there are adoptees out there that are happy and well adjusted".

[Lis6191]

DadofTwinGirls, pls don't be discouraged by what you read, learn from it! IMO, those of us that come to a support group are not coming here to just say Hi, I'm adopted and I've had a great life. We are here to try to understand some of our feelings, we are here for support. So obviously, the majority of us here have had, at some point in time, "issues" or I doubt we would've taken the time to seek support. Make sense?

That is not saying that we had a terrible life. I have had a WONDERFUL life and I have a WONDERFUL family. Now, my issues stem from DENIAL on the part of my afamily . . . they CANNOT or WILL NOT try to understand my wants/needs and have not accepted my bmom whatsoever. They have given me the guilt trip to such a degree that I've DENIED myself what I want, to please them, until that became too big of a burden to bear.

If only my parents would take the time to read up on adoption and validate my feelings and accept my differences . . . I'm sure we'd all be happier. But they won't. So I commend you for being here.

Take what you read with a grain of salt and know that you are doing the best you can do with what you know. Most of us adoptees on here are from that "closed adoption" era where society created a fantasy that all could just look forward and never have to look back.

Feel free to read about my story:
Confession to a bmom
There's a lot of adoptees, bparents, and even a few aparents that have been tremendously supportive on this thread!!!!

[hprestonalexand]

Thank you Well said.

[tricia3]

Yes , it is true that not all of us adoptees are wounded individuals. Some go their whole lives and never really give it much thought (my husband is one of those adoptees). He's totally cool with it and says there has never been a day that being adopted has affected his life. I think adoptees like that are in the minority here, IMO. Most of us (adoptees) here are here because we are searching for something. Which brings me to my next question.

If things are so great and you have no adoption issues...what brought you here? Just curious, not trying to imply anything.

I for one did not choose to search because my MOM and DAD were some how inadequent parents. It did not have to do with what kind of childhood I had (which was mostly happy, I might add). My reasons for searching had to do with me and who I am and what type of illness' me and my children might be subjected to. I was 31 years old when I searched, which seems to be the average age (based on a poll taken here) , when I was 21, I felt the same way you do now.

I think it's great your parents celebrate your adoption day. I think this is a very important thing to do for an adopted child. Celebrate the day, don't try to pretend it doesn't exsist, I say!!!! My husband's parents did this until his sibs caught on to the fact that her had 2 days to celebrate (they weren't adopted) .

Glad to see that we are represented here by All adoptees. Hope to see you around.

[chris1965]

Your post is sweet music to mine, and I'm sure many others ears, Anatasia. Thanks for sharing.

Chris

[Lis6191]

i haven't felt the need to search. I know that some are bitter or upset about being adopted but I just wanted to post and say that there are adoptees out there that are happy and well adjusted.

Tricia, I have to agree with you:

If things are so great and you have no adoption issues...what brought you here? Just curious, not trying to imply anything.

I noticed Anastasia has not ever logged back on, since 2/27 and only has this 1 post. I suspect she read some stuff out here that "hit a nerve" and may be she is now off "processing" . . . that's how I would've been 8 years ago . . . still in DENIAL

I wish people would remember that this is a SUPPORT group and if all was peachy keen why would we be here? Those of us who care enough to reach out for support and offer support are here because we CARE.

I see DadofTwinGirls hasn't been back either.... Hmmm...

[hprestonalexand]

People come to this forum at many and very different points in thier own adoption experiences.
Some people still have allot of exploring and growing and really need to read into themselves and how they truly feel.
I have been searching for 7 years now and I don't think I am the same person I was 7 years ago.
But I do allot of self search and try to be aware of how my adoption effects me.
Being here on the forum has helped me emenssly and I love you all.
We all grow and learn in different ways.
I just hope some people do not deny how they truly feel and can share and read and learn from each other.
Take care guys

and Lis, I love your words. Continue sharing, you are greatly cared for around here

[tricia3]

Lisa ~ Perhaps you're right....maybe something she read here scared her. I must admit, I usually get annoyed at people assuming that my search for my bio family makes my seem ungrateful or disrespectful to my MOM and DAD. Searching had nothing to do with them and everything to do with me. Why can't some folks understand that you can be a well adjusted adoptee and still need to know the facts of your heritage.
I think my searching has actually brought my parents and I closer together. The first thing I said to my DAD after meeting my bio-dad was "I am so glad your my DADDY" . Before searching I would have never discussed the topic of adoption, now I discuss it with both of them. My MOM still does not understand , but we still talk about it.
I do believe there is a lot to learned here even if we don't always agree.

[hprestonalexand]

I do agree with everything you and Lisa have said. It is true that the adoptee does not have to have come from a horrible childhood to feel the need to search.

Unfortunatly, I did not have the best upbringing. I do not think that this is what has made me want to search though. I grew up with an abusive alcoholic father and was I molested as a child. I used to have serious adoption issues. My father does not drink anymore and has apologized by word and through his actions, I have been in thereapy in regards to my molestation and adoption issues and have been doing self search and self healing for many years.
I felt the need to search when I was 11 y/o. From about maybe 14 on, I discussed this with my a/parents. They have always been supportive of my feelings about my adoption and have always been open to talking with me about it (I am very blessed and lucky). My need to search is not to take away or replace the parents I already have. Yes I have had issues, yes, I used to be bitter tword my father but that was not adoption related. Being able to be so open with my folks has helped me to deal with whatever I was feeling about my adoption and birth parents.
I just need to know me, who I am, where I came from, who I came from. My medical history for me and my children. I want to know my heritage so that I and my kids do not have to go through not knowing about the family tree and such like I did when I was in the sixth grade. I just want to know everything about me that I do not know. I have come so far and learned so much and really healed. I am not bitter at my birth mother, nor am I bitter about my adoption or at my a/parents. Yes I had a bad childhood, but I have not let that shape my life. I search for me
There are so many amazing people on here searching for so many different reasons and God bless you all
May we all find what and who we are searching for.

[carolynppk]

Heather,

Thank you for sharing such private details. I commend you for being brave enough to talk about such things. I also think it's great that you don't blame those issues on having been adopted. The grass on the other side of the fence could have been even worse if your biological parents had kept you. I think it is important to separate some of those issues and see if they are really adoption based or had you been brought up by your biological parents would you still have certain or other issues. I do agree that many times the search has nothing to do with finding your long lost "mom" or "dad", it's finding a piece of yourself. I also so am so pleased to hear that your father has taken responsibility for how his life was in your younger years and that you have forgiven him. I just wanted to thank you for sharing.

Carolyn