[UK Trace]

Having been sober for 2 yrs it appears that only now I am having any understanding of that other part of me, ie feelings...in my head I have ideas, fantasies about my adoption but never the feelings...I know now that the child inside of me is still not given up hope of having history rewritten and having her Bmum come for her...I think this pain in my centre is hunger...I hunger for knowledge, knowledge of what exactly?....every woman I meet is like trying to put a round peg in a sq hole...the child in me is trying so hard to make Bmum appear in front of her instead of it being that stranger in front of her....its a constant underground feeling of gggrrrr.....if I keep moving maybe I wont be adopted after all...but to be still is scarey....if I am still I might just catch up with me and I am afraid for them to meet...I am runing from that little gals pain and dont know how to stop and listen to her without dumping her too....