[Jiga42]

Why do i have to be responsible for my actions but the folks who conceived me are aloud to give me up? I say **** the world for cursing me w/ unknown genetics!
I wonder why adoptees are over represented in mental hospitals and suicide statistics. I for one, wish i didn't have these worries to worry. Adoption is a curse. I wish i was aborted, at least there would have been one less crazy person for the beaurocracies to deal with. Adoption is crazy.

[ALFIE]

In all honesty I don't understand your burden. Personally I feel completely grateful that my birthmom chose to give me a life that she couldn't. Have you ever put yourself in your birthmoms shoes? I bet if you had you would somewhat undestand where she was coming from. I'm sure it wasn't an easy task for her to give you up. Th at is something that she had to live with. I hope that this gives you a different prespective and if it doesn't so be it. There is way to many people in these forums fo ryou to discourage those who are searching because you are feeling sorry for yourself.

[wdalaya]

Your bmom must have been a cold and callous person to have given up nine mos. of her young life in order to give you a chance at a decent future. If she had been a caring person she would have deposited you as a blob of tissue in some trash can somewhere. What a horrible person she was to be so selfish as to go thru that devasting process to carry a baby inside of her only to have it wrenched away so that YOU could have a chance at life. Poor, pitiful you. Get over it and don't make her sacrifice a wasted effort.

[Volfe]

No,

It is fine and normal to be angry. Feel free to your vent your anger. Even in an open adoption, my son has had some anger.

But do you realize that it is not your birth mother who cut you off from your heritage - your genetics... It is the system, the laws, the government.
Even had your adoptive parents requested this information, it would have been denied them (and you).

Only recently (since the 80s I think) has the system been circumnavigable. Since then, open adoption has again become available to adoptees (I say again since historically adoptions WERE essentially open until the 40s-50s).

I hope your anger will resolve into understanding of whatever your birthmothers situation was at the time.

The system is unfair, and still in place. I only had open adoptions - in states that don't technically allow them - because I planned them, and had attorneys do the paperwork.
Your heritage is still cut off from you. Write to your lawmakers. Why? What good will that do? the more voices they hear, the more they will listen.

You can mention:
Your anger and lack of choice.
Your right to medical and cultural knowledge (Please realize that the UN rights of the Child recognizes the right to heritage, and the US and Somalia only signed this. All other countries ratified it. Were the US to ratify this, all states would have to conform their laws to recognize these rights. This of course would involve a major overhaul of our social service system, our adoption laws, and access to certain records)
The unfairness of various states laws... Should you be denied the rights that your neighbor states recognize just because you were born in the backward state you were born in?

Also mention that birth parents are NOT promised privacy.
Privacy laws do not apply in this case IMO.
Birth mothers were told to move on with their lives...

November is National Adoption Month, a time to raise awareness about adoption from foster care and to celebrate families created by adoption.
November is a great month to also write to media outlets in protest of your situation.

Anger is good.
It promotes healing.

Take care and PM me anytime (even if its cuz your angry)

Maia

[ALFIE]

You know something never in my entire pitiful life has anyone been so rude. I get that you feel abandoned and shamed. You know if my birth mother hadn't given me up then wouldn't have the beautiful children I have today. Growing up in a family that adopted within wasn't always easy. I had to deal with the jokes and the indifference as well as I'm sure you have. Don't blame your birthmom for all of the bad things that happened in your life because the way I see is you make your bed so you should have to lay in it. I'm sure your b-mom had no intention of making your life a living ****. You are the only person that can change the way you live and for you to say that she should have aborted me is wrong. Life isn't a bouquet of roses anway and who ever told it was is wrong too. You know don't dump on me because, I feel like you you are responsible for your own actions as a person and to use the fact that you are adopted as an excuse is just plain childish. Like I said before I don't know your preticular situation but for you to tell people they should have been a big blob in a trashcan somewhere is being hurtful and mean. I am a mother of two and to imagine having to give up a child that you have carried and nutured for 9 months is difficult in itself. Even though you have been so cruel to those of us that do want to find out where we come from I still wish you the best in finding what you are searching for. From what I can tell you arn't searching for anything but the anwser to how you stop your own personal pain.

[ALFIE]

You know something never in my entire pitiful life has anyone been so rude. I get that you feel abandoned and shamed. You know if my birth mother hadn't given me up then wouldn't have the beautiful children I have today. Growing up in a family that adopted within wasn't always easy. I had to deal with the jokes and the indifference as well as I'm sure you have. Don't blame your birthmom for all of the bad things that happened in your life because the way I see is you make your bed so you should have to lay in it. I'm sure your b-mom had no intention of making your life a living ****. You are the only person that can change the way you live and for you to say that she should have aborted me is wrong. Life isn't a bouquet of roses anway and who ever told it was is wrong too. You know don't dump on me because, I feel like you you are responsible for your own actions as a person and to use the fact that you are adopted as an excuse is just plain childish. Like I said before I don't know your preticular situation but for you to tell people they should have been a big blob in a trashcan somewhere is being hurtful and mean. I am a mother of two and to imagine having to give up a child that you have carried and nutured for 9 months is difficult in itself. Even though you have been so cruel to those of us that do want to find out where we come from I still wish you the best in finding what you are searching for. From what I can tell you arn't searching for anything but the anwser to how you stop your own personal pain.

[ChristaIL]

I personally agree with Maia... it is healing to vent your anger. Everyone has gone through times when they've felt the same. Maybe some of you haven't expressed it the same way, or haven't experienced the same things. He needs to get his feelings out no matter how awful it may sound or how little some of you may understand, and to lash back is not going to help a thing.

Say you have a son, and he goes through a stage when he feels worthless and angry... if he tries to vent that anger to you are you going to tell him that is the most horrific thing you've ever heard or are you going to try to support him and talk to him and let him know he's worth much more than he currently thinks?

Though some of us can't handle your anger, there will always be those of us who are willing to listen.

Christa

[jude4691]

Hi Jiga42,
I'm adopted too(and have been reunited,then the reunion broke down after many years).I think anger plays a huge part in the grieving process of coming to terms with adoption, and it can take many, many years to come through it all-so much so that I still wonder if I'm through everything and I've faced a lot!
I assume from your post that you do not know the reasons for your adoption-if you knew those you might find your anger subsided a bit, or increased or focussed in another direction.
One thing I am certain of is that it was not your fault, and that it is dreadful not to have been able to stay with birth parents able to love and care for you. You have suffered a huge loss.
I know people often say there is always someone worse off, but that doesn't help you deal with your own pain.
For me, when I discovered mine was a coerced adoption I became very angry at the system-my mum wanted to keep me but was not made aware of the financial provision available to help her keep me.
Burying your anger will only lead to depression. Have you thought of writing down your feelings?Eg, "I feel angry because. . .", you might find you release other feelings such as sadness,shame,isolation.
My hardest issue over the years was wishing I had stayed with my bparents-I do think I would have had a happier childhood with them. If you let yourself go through thr grief you can come to a place of acceptance.Then it's possible to decide to make good choices in your life-we all have to be responsible for our own actions,and I think we have a choice as to whether we will conquer adoption issues or become a victim to them.There are an awful lot of battles in this war though, and healing is not a quick fix-it takes a lot of time and work.
You are important and valuable,regardless of how you came into this world or your past.It is possible to come through the problems that seem insurmountable at the moment.
Good luck, Jude.