[mom2fivesweetie]

Hello,

Is anyone else completely obsessed with their birth child? I never was supposed to be able to give birth as I had a lot of female problems. My son was born in 1986 and I have been completely obsessed with him since. I always say people don't understand because he is the ONLY blood I know!! Do you all understand that?

Lori

[sam_i_am_71801]

It isn't just about being the birth mother. I am an adoptee reunited with my birth family. Yes, It was an obsession for me. But that determination and "obsession" is what gave me the strength to stop at NOTHING to find them. Your son is always on your mind, just as my mother was on mind. Even though I did not know who she was or where she was..........she was forever a part of my heart. Of my soul. There is a soul connection. If you feel it ........odds are he does. I can't explain what we cannont see. But I believe in its existance. I have experienced many times what no one can explain. To me....it's just a part of life. To others.......they choose to ignore it. Your calling.........your hunger.........your "feeling"....trust it. And let that trust guide you, back to your son.
Sam

[kersey19]

Thanks for your comments Sam. Lori - I met my daughter in December. I feel a very deep connection .... an intense love for my daughter. I don't have other children so this was a new feeling for me. I was trying to explain how I felt to one of my friends. She smiled and said "now you know what you would kill for." She was exactly right .... I now know what it means to love a child so deeply that you would give your own life... you would do anything for them. That may sound a little deep ... but it is a real feeling.

[seacritter2]

Hi Lori

I too never had anymore children, and I never stopped loving my son. I loved the baby I had inside of me for 9 months, I loved the child I held in my arms for three days, and I loved the little boy who I prayed for every single day while he was growing up. I didn't know who he was, but oh how I loved him.

Now, I know who he grew up to be, and I have had one phone conversation with him and exchanged photos via emai, and the love I feel for him is like no love I've ever felt. Like Kersey, I know it sounds intense, but I would walk on fire for my son. I would give my life for my son.

I also have to say, I know other birth mothers who did have more children, and they feel the same intense love for the child they placed that they do for the child (ren) they parented.

Sincerely,

Seacritter

[sam_i_am_71801]

I would have walked through the fires of hell to find my mother. As a matter of fact 35 years of separation from her was hell. Today we have a wonerful relationship. It's not a fairytale.............we fight. But we also love.

[darkknight]

My son is now 4 and everyone says he is the "spittin image" of me when I was his age.

After he was first born, it was confusing as heck. I was so afraid of him and yet loved him to death. I had the hardest time trying to relate to him and I was so scared.

Now though, I miss him all the time. Even when is does something wrong I hate to correct him. I have this fear that he will hate me or reject me. He used to use the phrase I hate you when he was mad, and it tore through me like a knife.

I tell everyone he is the only blood I've known. It's even written on my website.

[Just Julie]

I have four bio sons with whom I was obsessed. I nibbled their tiny toes and ears and could stare at them for hours memorizing details as they lay sleeping in my arms. As they grew up they were the cutest toddlers in the church nursery, the smartest in elementary school, the coolest teenagers, and then the most talented and clever young men.

Just over three years ago I became an adoptive mom to a young man who was seventeen at the time. I am just as obsessed with him. I love him as much as my bio sons and told him so after knowing him for only two months. Although we share no blood and I will never have the intimate physical contact nor any of the growing-up experiences with him that I had with my bio sons, they are now jealous and do not understand the close relationship he and I share. They are offended that I would have such deep affection for someone I have known such a short time.

I wasn't looking for another son. God brought him to us, and I consider it a miracle. They don't understand that mother love is multiplied not divided. They probably won't understand until they have a second child. I hope someday they understand how parents can love adopted children.

[sam_i_am_71801]

I know you. What is different now from when we first met. In your life. Please respond. I just need to know. Because so much has changed in my life in the past year..............how different is yours?

[lonzygray]

mom2five:

My eyes got huge when I read your thread....I thought no one else in the whole world could understand that feeling. My mom (amom) literally thought I was crazy at times. I wouldn't let anyone feed him b/c I was afraid he might choke. I wouldn't let either set of Granparents keep him overnight because I was afraid something would happen. I wouldn't let him out of my sight or care...I agree that when it is your VERY OWN and ONLY BLOOD, it is a feeling that one cannot descibe....he is now 9 and we have just adopted a 4 year old little girl and I'm not AS obsessive, but still pretty close!!!

[kerry lynn]

Wow.... I stumbled on this thread, and felt a rush...a wave...of familiarity I do not frequently experience. That's the hardest thing about being an adoptee: not having anyone UNDERSTAND what it is that I'm thinking or feeling. Aside from being "different" (NOT knowing my biological family among friends & "family" who have very large bio-families), my abilty to express my thoughts, in regard to the effects adoption has had on me, is limited. And I consider myself an articulate person!

I married very young (by today's standards...23) and did so because my NEED to have a baby...a blood relative...a CONNECTION was so intense, it superceded ALL other ambitions. I was pregnant before my 1st wedding anniversary, and gave birth to my daughter in 1994. I remember holding her, and being HORRIFIED! She was looking at me, with these soulful eyes, and she was warm, and it freaked me out: she Knew Me, and I had nothing to return - because I didn't know MY mother. I couldn't hold her the first 12 hours. I was overwhelmed with the demand & expectation that was "suddenly" bestowed upon me. But when I saw her the 2nd time, the following day, I fell immediately in love, as if the ghosts had left, and in their wake, left behind this gift of my Heart outside my body. I never let her out of my arms or sight. I would feel worried and jealous if someone else held her; even my hub... and I took great, profound offense when my (a)mom would make comments like my daughter had "her eyes" (because they both had blue eyes). To me, that was the biggest assault & attack against MY Heritage, MY genes, and MY singular connection with MY baby. 10 years later, I have 4 children -- the last 2 being twins. THAT was the single most difficult and incredibly thrilling event in my life, because it was PROOF and testimony that I had my OWN biology that no one else knew, or could claim credit. (Although my aparents DID manage to associate it to my father's sister who had identical twins... they made me SOOOO livid!!)

With each pregnancy, with each birth, with each milestone, I was so totally enwrapped with the process, the minute changes, and subtle nuances, I was oblivious to all the other aspects of my life and adult relationships. My babies are what gave - and still give -me meaning, purpose, definition, and identity. I was born and I breathed for the First Time, each time I gave birth.

My oldest is 10, my youngest are 3 -- and my "neediness" is more in check, regarding THEM. But I'm discovering something really alarming. I'm realizing I was so busy and so determined to feel Connected to someone, I lost sight of the responsibility & accountability I had to MYSELF - before getting married and having babies. I had thought The Blood Line would make me whole, and complete - but it hasn't. In fact, it has made me realize how much I really needed to search and question motives and meanings BEFORE I ever should have gotten married. Because the man I married is NOT the right person for me. I knew that when we got married...but I was just SO hungry for a Family Member. I NEEDED to belong to someone...ANYone....

The irony is so bitter-sweet...because if not for him, I would not have my little loves...and yet because of him, I can neither feel nor experience the entire package of Family. There is no intimacy of any kind with him, so we live parallel lives in a house surrounded by children. He is a Providor, but not a Husband...if that makes sense.

I have ALWAYS thought about & loved my b.mom, for reasons I could never explain...nor was allowed to express. That chasm that exsists in my soul is edged with thorns and fire, as it hurts to touch or change...and yet it is the very energy source that makes me determined and willful to Right the Wrongs that had affected her & myself.

In nature, there is no creature more threatening and potentially dangerous than a Mother who feels threatened...especially around her cubs, chicks, pups...(etc.). But I have discovered an even MORE alarming and more astute creature that is far more powerful, aggressive and capable of unfathomable feats of strength, courage and, determination to maintain safety and security -- that is the Adoptee who becomes a Mother.

I thank you for this topic, as it has opened my eyes to truth I hadn't known existed in me. Gosh...is it ME, but it sure seems as I get OLDER, the issues of Adoption and Family become MORE of a source of confusion, and sadness than when I was younger, when I was supposedly more vulnerable and susceptable to the "harms and dangers" of being adopted.

[Girlie_Hen]

OBSESSED with my birthchild? Me? Why . . . . . . Yessssss!!! lol

I think of my birthchild as often as I think of my other (not relinquished) children - constantly. You know what they say: "A birthmother never forgets."

I love her - she is on my mind, and in my heart.

[kittyonmarse]

do you ever think of looking for her? I was adopted from friends of children. Born January 26, 1983 Fayetvill, Georgia, blond hare blue eyes, thats all I know. I'm looking for my my file, to know where I come from.

I've red online about friends of children. nothing promising tho, just that the files had been turned over to the Department of Human Resorses. And that some of the files were not comleeted. I've not had a chance to contact the DHR to confirm this information. now i'm babling.