[truff]

Just wondering if anyone has any experience with explaining thier adoption to their children. Has anyone found any books [ie: my mommy was adopted] or anything like that? Adoption isn't really a fraught issue with me...good relationship with my family, am in touch with my a-family and things there are good too. Just wondering how to explain it to my son in a way that makes sense to him...and I guess I'm looking for a way for him to understand who my b-family is to him, etc.

[NewlyScotGirl]

I'm an adoptee & thinking of having this same conversation with my 2 nieces at some point. I'll start with the thought that there are many ways of making a family, and see how many ways they can think of ... adoption might be one of them ... and familiar to elementary schoolers. Then a transition into how some people who become parents are not able to take care of their babies/children or not capable of taking care of them, and must relinquish. And some people wish for babies/children to love and take care of, and adopt. It's one of the ways in which familes are formed, with each way bringing special joys and responsibilities.

Since I'm adopted and my young nieces are adopted, I think we'll dwell on the lucky aspects of our lives. But I'll be watching for those thousand unspoken questions that I think all adoptees have, too.

[l-thompson]

I think a lot depends on the age of the child/ren that you are explaining adoption to. My daughters knew from a young age that I was adopted and were very accepting of the fact - there were very few questions from them to be honest. The door opened to discuss adoption with them when I began to search for my birthfamily - the oldest was 6 years and the youngest was 5 years. They were not terribly interested and there were no difficult questions from them - I was adopted and they understood what adoption meant as far as the fact that I didn't come from my mothers tummy...and that was basically the end of story for them.

The difficult stuff came when I reunited with my birthfamily last year. My daughters are now 13 and 14 and the questions they have now are quite intense. A teenagers views seem to be quite black and white and as far as the 14 year old is concerned she struggles to understand why I would want to even know my birthmother, after all, in my daughters eyes, my birthmom gave her baby away to strangers.

When they were young and I had not found my birthfamily adoption was easily accepted by them. Now that I have reunited and they are teenagers, its a bit more trickier.

[tricia3]

I too had to explain adoption to my oldest child when I was conducting my search. It helped that he was wise beyond his years (7).
I told him that my bmom was simply too young to take care of me so she had people help her find a family that would take care of and love me as I was their own. I didn't think it wise to tell him that lack of money played a major role, for fear that he may think that if I did not have enough money, that I might have to give him up.
His father is also adopted, so I thought it important for him to know that HE is the beginning of our family tree. That made him feel ultra important. He does not ask alot of questions, and I try not to confuse him with too much info, but whatever he ask, I will gladly tell him.
My other 2 children don't quite understand, they are far too young, but when the time comes I plan on discussing it with them too.