[nickychaz]

I have not been on the boards for a while because I gave birth to my third child, Alexander Michael, on June 10, 2004. He is healthy, but was born with two huge ear tags which I am told are hereditary. The Dr. asked who in the family has them, but was forced to admit to the that I have no clue.

I love my new son dearly, but wonder how many more times I have to go through the embarassment of admiting to virtual strangers that I have no idea who I am or who my family is. It seem as if I will never be allowed to just forget about my past and live my life in peace. To make matters worse, several of the nurses asked when my mom or dad would be visiting me. At first, I tried to change the subject, but I eventually gave up and simply told them the truth.

I feel so much guilt about being adopted and just can't seem to get over it. No matter how much I try to forget, there is always something, like the hospital incident to remind me. I would really like to know how other adoptees deal with their "adoptive" status. Why can't the states simply open all adoptition files and gives adoptees a shot at having a normal life ?????????

[condetti123]

Hi NickyChaz... I totally agree with that. It is not fair to keep our well deserved roots from us, especially our medical histories. It is so important to know lots of these things. I have dealt with the same thing that you are talking about over the years and I hate it. Every time I would go to the doctor or even when my kids go and they ask about their maternal grandparents and maternal family. I have always had no idea. I should know now, since I met my bio mom 12 years ago but she really hasnt shared much with me over these years. I just wanted to let you know that I totally agree and I wish there was something that we could do about it. Hugs!!!

[mxdad418]

Hi Nicky, Although i understand your embaressment i also know that doctors and nurses deal with patients like us on a regular basis. I've dealt with the same questions for many yrs. and i'm at a point now that i tell new doctors upfront. As far as strangers, let them wonder.

I have always wondered about my heritage and one day i hope to find out more than i know now. I've always felt blessed by having been chosen by my a-parents. I was given a good upbringing, lots of love and when i was 5 my parents took me to pick out my b-sis (I remember that to this day).

I'm not ashamed of being adopted, just ashamed of the system we are judged by.

Mark 08-17-53

"I was born to a woman I never knew and raised by another who took in orphans. I do not know my background, my lineage, my biological or cultural heritage. But when I meet someone now, I treat them with respect. For after all, they could be my people." James Michener

[snuffie]

I totally agree that states need to give us a right to open our adoption records! During my search and reunion most people were very nice and helpful. But there were some who were downright heartless and rude. I had one attorney tell me that "you have no right to know. You were adopted."
Another felt that all records should be closed for good. I told them both that they"obviously were not adopted and could not possibly know how it feels." (and then I hung up on them)

I had a child who had many health problems and we were in and out of the hospital many times during his childhood. I, too, have had my share of health issues. And up until now I could not tell medical staff anything. It was indeed very frustrating.

The system must change. Yes, birthparents have a right to privacy BUT they gave birth to us and even though we may have been "unexpected" we should have the same rights to know our heritage, health history etc as everyone else. Usually I am a very passive person but this is one issue that makes me want to become an activist!