[Jiga42]

I am 23 years old and was adopted at age 2 by a wonderful family. The only information that i have about my birth mother is a single page of basic info on her such as height, weight, and age when she had me. But this page was written by a typewriter and didn't look the work of an adoption agency at all. When i asked about my birthfather my adoptive parents told me there was no information known about him. How could i be adopted and nobody told me about my birthfater? The only thing i know about my birthfather was that he was a man, thats it. Things in my life just seem really really weird? Is there some sort of waiver he signed inorder to prevent me from finding out? Why does it feel like things are being kept from me?

[peb]

Hi Jiga42;
i am a 44 yr. old adoptee. I rec'd my non-identifying information and it said birthfather "unknown". I found out later that my bmom knew exactly who he was (she was engaged to him!), but wanted to "protect" him so wrote "unknown" on my birthcertificate. It does happen; the only way you might ever know for sure is if #1 you could find you bmom and #2 IF she would tell you?
Good luck.
peb

[Jiga42]

If my bmom said that my bfather was unknown to "protect" him, that was the smartest thing she ever did because the way i was raised, i could never imagine no matter what the cirumctances are, saying that I didn't want anything to do w/ my child. The child that i created because of my decisions, i could never tell them i wasn't capable of caring for them. If i ,being a guy, got a 22 year old girl pregnant and couldn't care for them, i would w/o a doubt make sure they didn't have to worry about anything at all in their life, or get an abortion. I'm pissed off at the world right now cause i'm struggling so **** much and honest to god wish i was never born. I would only wish my situation on the two people who are responsible for bringing me into the world, but to irrensponsible to care for me. I don't care how much my birthparents loved me or how hard of a decision it was to give me up, point is i'm so depressed i could die right now a happy camper. But i keep up the charade of being happy so it doesn't hurt my adoptive family. Because they have given me everything i ever wanted. Because of everything they have given me, i stay alive. But right now, the only thing that can save me is the kind of love between a man and a women, or just a ****load of money. I seriouslly have this Satan Complex where i think i'm the devil. I love money almost as much as i loved Katie, the only girl in the world who i kept fantasizing about, even after i had been w/ her.
So i'd appreciate some happy coments

[Jiga42]

The only info from my adoption i have is a typewritter written paper that looks like it was processed by someone w/o a college degree full of the mostly insignificant facts about my bmom. I think her name is Eileen Hill who was about 5'6 180 brwn hair and eyes who wore glasses. It says she was 22 when she had me along w/ a few other miniscule facts that won't help me in finding out why i am the kind of person i am. I'm a sociologist very interested in the whole "Nature vs Nurture" theory.
I would assume she has married and changed her surname to further complicate things.
But how is it fair that i never even knew one single thing about my bfather? Is this being kept from me for a reason, if so why? He couldn't be much more of a **** up than me? What about genetics? Isn't it important that i find out something more than just the fact that my bfather was a male, i don't even know that for sure, just assuming. I know absolutely 100% nothing about my bfather, and that is reason enough for suicide if people don't get real w/ me soon.

"Could I have been anyone other than me"
Dave Matthews, Dancing Nancies

[summer324]

First of all there is nothing in this world that you aren't given if you can't handle it. I truly believe that. I think all of our bad times make us who we are. My father was also listed as "unknown" in my non ident. info. Maybe that was done a lot back then. You can't just totally believe the negative about either one of your parents. I know it's hard. I go back and forth with being sad and then mad. I think that it HAS to be hard to give up a child after you have carried them and delivered them. There HAS to be a good reason. Maybe your bmom didn't want you to know your father for good reason. Maybe she was trying to protect You not him. There are so many things that could have taken part in it that we don't know and might not ever. That is no reason to want to be dead. You said yourself that you aparents were great. Isn't that a huge part of who you are??? I know you want answers (as do I) but I also look at my life now and am happy with that if that is all I will have. I have 2 beautiful children and a wonderful husband and great aparents....what more could I ask for....but of course to know my bparents......but if that doesn't happen (and I have to prepare for that too) then I know that I will still be me and I will still have a reason to live..... Keep your chin up and don't always think of the negative!!!!

Lisa

[Tink1965]

In reply about your bfather.

When I received my pre-adoption birth certificate, the section which listed the bfather's info., was blank. I assumed immediately that she had been violated. Come to find out, he denied paternity, bmom did not know what to do. Keep in mind that anything could of happened.

It sounds like you have a lot to live for and to be thankful for, there is so much to learn about ourselves, do not limit yourself and remember that each day is a new day with new thoughts and hopes and dreams. We will fall down and have these ugly days, but tomorrow is always better.

Good Luck to you!

Tink

[snuffie]

I agree with Tink. Having lived MUCH longer than you, I have been through very very much and yet there are good days in between and still things to smile and be happy about.

There are many books written by bmoms that really show just what they go through to have us and give us up. Their lives are never the same.

As for bfather, my non ID was also type written, contained a lot of errors and the man named does not exist. It was the way some agencies did things. Your bmom may not have had a say in what was on those papers.

I hope that you find peace and happiness and that some day you will find your bparents and find out the real story.

[newlyorphaned]

Hey Jiga! Hang in there, this too shall pass. I have been searching for some time now and recently was contacted by a search angel who helped me find info on my birth mother part of the info was that she died in 98! Not the news that I wanted to hear but today I know her name and am waiting on the obits, non-id info, etc. in order to contact some birth half siblings. Contact a search angel via this web site. I could'nt get anywhere with my search because I was so emotional re: searching that I was all over the place and could'nt stay focused. It took her all of a week to come up with some info after I'd spent years posting. It does not appear that any of them are looking for me but today thats okay. Check out this web site for info on searching, sit down and put the information that you do have in some kind of order and give it to a seach angel. I don't have any info on my birth father yet either, I believe that he was married and they had an affair. My mom kept her other three kids. My bio-mom had a sister and I hope to find her and see if she knew who he was. Don't give up hope! This thing is emotionally the hardest thing I've ever done, lots of ups and downs. From your posts it sounds as if you've got a lot of issues going on right now. Searching will tax your coping skills to say the least. Keep talking to us and let us help we've been there or are there right next to you on this journey.

[l-thompson]

When I reunited with my birthfamily I asked my birthmother if my birthfather had been named as the Father....no, there were no details about my birthfather at all. When I received my non-id info the only info about my birthfather was limited details that my birthmother gave the agency.

Imagine my surprise when contact was made and I found out that my birthmother and birthfather married five years after relinguishing me. My birthmother had known my birthfather for many, many years prior to becoming pregnant with me. Their relationship was a meaningful one....very meaningful actually...they have now been married for 36 years!!!

Please don't assume anything. Please don't second guess why there are no details about your birthfather. You are doing yourself a great injustice by assuming the worst. Hang in there!! There will be days like this but they will pass. It can be a rough ride at times but hold tight believing that it will be better soon.
In my experience there usually is a silver lining behind every grey cloud.