[amadsen]

I am starting to get very angry with my bmother. I have been searching for her for over 8 years now and all I keep doing is running into dead ends!!! She stated in her adoption paperwork that she would keep her information updated so that if I ever wanted to locate her, I would be able to....and she NEVER did. There are so many countries she could be in, who knows if she has gotten married or not.... I just keep getting more upset with her that she is being this selfish and not helping me to find her. At least she could update her information if nothing else. Do I not mean that much to her????

"...your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone..."

"These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase"

"I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
And though your still with me
I've been alone all along"

[TR1]

Do you know if you were born in a hospital??

[amadsen]

yes i was.

[dl]

I just keep getting more upset with her that she is being this selfish and not helping me to find her. At least she could update her information if nothing else. Do I not mean that much to her????

Please try not to assume things about your bmother. There could be a very good reason why her information has not been updated that has nothing to do with her being "selfish". I found out that my bmother died many years ago at the young age of 31. While I hope this is not what you find, if you do, it will then upset you that you had such bad feelings about her.

[amadsen]

thanks for the insight, i guess i never thought of it that way.

[shirleyville]

I agree with DLouis....there are many reasons why she hasn't been able to "update" your files, or appears not to be searching....and one of those, unfortunately, is the possibility that she has passed away. While I hope this isn't the case, I don't want to see you building anger toward her, when it isn't something within anyones control.
Hang in there, okay!! Don't let assumptions build unnecessary anger!!!
Hugs,
Sally

[patrisha]

I wanted to add another perspective. I updated my file until my birth son was 24 years old. I figured if he hadn't contacted me by then, he probably wasn't going too, and gave up. Sometime after my last update, the old files from his era were archived. I guess someone also "thinned" them out and removed what they considered outdated information. We were very lucky that a very tenacious and creative intermediary was able to finally locate me.

My son also searched for 7 years. I'm glad I didn't resent him for waiting so long to do it.

Trish

[l-thompson]

Like the other members have said there are many reasons why you are unable to locate your birthmother at this time.

One of the worst things we can do is second guess or play through all the scenarios in our heads - some may be real, some may be imagined - please don't waste your time or energy doing this or emotionally you may just lose your perspective.
If you do locate your birthmother any negative emotions that you have within yourself, may come out in reunion and you won't want to taint that with your feelings.

I understand your frustration, I understand how upsetting searching is when you keep on hitting obstacles. My search and finally contact with my birthfamily, took nearly seven years - searching from one side of the world to another. I understand but please just one day at a time and see what eventually unfolds.

Keep your chin up and keep smiling

[amymoe]

I am sorry that you have been searching for this long and still have not found your bmother. I just began myself and can't describe how quick I want it to happen so I can just face it and move forward. I wish you the best of luck in your search. I would feel pretty angry too. Take care,
Amy

[amadsen]

shirleyville and l-thompson - thanks for the advice, i will certainly try harder to stay positive.

patrisha - i guess agencies and whatnot dont really think about 20 years in the future before they disregard archived files. i know my file is still active, and i still have a thread of hope.

amy - keep positive, not everyones search is as dead-ended as mine has been so far. it just so happened that my bmother has travelled all over the world and the only time she entered the U.S. was to have me. its been long, hard and very emotional so far, but i will never give up hope. i wish you luck in your search and hope you never give up also. keep me posted on your findings.

i am currently in touch with Maxwell Productions out in California. they are trying to do a documentary on family reunifications, adoptions and such. they have a private investigator that is very sure he can find anyone no matter what. so lets hope this works out!!!

[l-thompson]

I will cross my fingers for you and hope that the private investigator from Maxwell Productions works out for you.

Keep us all posted and good luck

[dl]

Patrisha: How sad that the files were "thinned"! I remember another member (can't remember name) that was very frustrated as they had been searching for a long time. When they finally found their bmother they learned that she too had updated her contact information and stated that she would welcome contact. The bmother even produced copies of what she sent to the agency that she had kept as a record. The information was never put in the file.
Unfortunately "human error" does need to be taken into consideration.

amadsen: I wish you the best of luck with Maxwell Productions but as a word of caution, you may want to read the thread, "Anyone Heard Of Maxwell Productions" http://forums.adoption.com/showthrea...hreadid=130494