[dynamic2003]

I HAVE TAKEN A LOT OF TIME TO MYSELF RECENTLY [MANY MONTHS TO BE EXACT] IN ORDER TO CAREFULLY REFLECT ON MY OWN INNER ISSUES AND I HAVE MADE TREMENDOUS EFFORTS IN SOUL SEARCHING, SEEKING PERSONAL GROWTH. ALL THE WHILE DESPERATELY TRYING TO PLACE MY LIFE'S JOURNEY INTO ITS PROPER PERSPECTIVE. WHAT I HAVE FOUND SO FAR, ABOUT MYSELF, AND IT SEEMS LIKE MANY OTHER ADOPTEES AS WELL, IS THAT WE SOMEHOW CONTINUOUSLY REPEAT CERTAIN KINDS OF BEHAVIOR PATTERNS IN SPITE OF THE DIFFERENCES OR SIMILARITIES IN ACTUAL ADOPTION EXPERIENCE. THESE BEHAVIORS SEEM TO HAVE ONE PARTICULAR THING IN COMMON, EMOTIONAL CONNECTIONS. I NOTICE THERE ARE A LARGE AMOUNT OF PEOPLE SUFFERING FROM DEPRESSION, ANXIETY, PTSD, AND RELATED DISORDERS THAT HAVE BEEN ADOPTED. EACH OF THEM VICARIOUSLY INTER-CONNECTED THROUGH EMOTIONAL TIES, AND MOST OF THEM RELATIVE TO BEING ADOPTED. I NOTICED ONE PARTICULAR PATTERN WITHIN MYSELF WHICH MANIFESTS LIKE CLOCKWORK [UN-INTENTIONALLY ON MY OWN PART] AROUND EACH AND EVERY HOLIDAY SEASON, INCLUDING BIRTHDAYS. ALTHOUGH I AM DEALING WITH HAVING MAJOR DEPRESSION ON A DAILY BASIS NOT CAUSED BY ANY SINGLE CIRCUMSTANCE OR SITUATION, I SEEM TO BECOME "OVERLY" DEPRESSED DURING HOLIDAYS, DESPITE MY BEST EFFORTS TO RECUSE MYSELF FROM HAVING THESE FEELINGS. THIS PATTERN HAPPENS TO ME EVERY SINGLE YEAR. NOW I'M STARTING TO WONDER IF THIS IS SOME "INESCAPEABLE" EFFECT OF BEING ADOPTED, AND IF SO, ARE OTHER ADOPTEES EXPERIENCING SIMILAR PATTERNS OF BEHAVIORS? WHAT ARE SOME OF THE WAYS THEY MIGHT DEAL WITH THESE KINDS OF ISSUES? ON A POSITIVE NOTE, IN SPITE OF THE HARDSHIPS I EXPERIENCE DURING THE HOLIDAYS, LIKE THE ENDLESS "WONDERING" ABOUT MY BIRTH FAMILY, THE DESIRE TO BE WITH THEM, AND THE STRUGGLE INVOLVED WITH MOVING FORWARD WITHOUT THEM, I DO FIND SOME SOLACE AND COMFORT IN BELIEVING THAT SOMEDAY, SOMEHOW I MIGHT BE REUNITED, AT LEAST IN SOME WAY. THAT IS MY HOPE, MY ETERNAL PRAYER. ITS WHAT KEEPS ME GOING.

MAY GOD'S FAVOR AND GRACE BE WITH YOU ALL, BIRTH MOTHERS AND ADOPTEES, ALWAYS.