[DanT]

I've got the details at this thread.

I was born in 1966. My birth mother, then unmarried, put me up for adoption. She went on to marry my biological father, and they had three more children; two sons and a daughter. The sons know about m, and they've actually met me. The daughter, my sister, though ... it's a different store.

Basically, my birth mom recently told me she decided that she would never tell my sister -- 100% blood, by the way, and reaised by my birth parents -- about my existence. After some wonderful correspondence and a great reunion, in February she suddenly decided that I was an object of shame, something that reminded her and my brothers -- also 100% blood -- of a husband and father that they don't like.

Things are falling apart. I already told one of my brothers, after a nasty one-sided "I don't care how you feel" type phone call from him yesterday, that I didn't want to hear from them again, as long as I was some sort of big secret, and seen as an object of shame.

It started off so wonderfully, and now it's falling apart. I now hold nothing but hatred and contempt for my birth mother, and it's something that I will be livign with for the rest of my life. I refuse to be considered a secret or an object of shame, and as long as that is the case, I don't want contact with any of them.

Pretty much, I wish my birth mom would have stayed the f**k out of my life to begin with. If she wasn't prepared for the consequences of a reunion, she shouldn't have looked for me to begin with. If she just wanted to me meet me just to satisfy her sense of closure, with no thought about how I would feel, she can go to hell.

Dan, I really am sorry thats this has happened to you. That really is lousy. How are things with your adoptive family? Donna

[dl]

I am so sorry you've had such a heartbreaking reunion experience. I've read many times where an adoptee searched and the bmother wasn't prepared to deal with a reunion and letting the "secret" be known, but this is the first time that I've read that a bmother searched and initiated contact only to insist that secrets still be kept. I agree with your statement completely "If she wasn't prepared for the consequences of a reunion, she shouldn't have looked for me to begin with."

I do hope you have a supportive afamily and good friends to help you through this difficult time. Take care.

[sspete]

Dan T......What a tragic end!!!! So sorry this happened!!! As a bmom it is all very hard for me to understand!!!! Please know that you will be in my thoughts!!!!

S Pete

[vicrose]

My heart goes out to you...I am an adoptee who found her birthmother and she wished no contact....but for you I'm sure this is much harder...I am soooo sorry that she has done this to you....and you are right...you should not remain a secret...if they can't deal with it...then they need to stay out of your life!!!!! I can't understand those brothers of yours though...what's the big deal if the sister find out....they saw nothing wrong with having contact with you in the first place...so why shouldn't your sister have the same contact....You will be in my prayers....and if you ever want to chat...just pm me......Hugs, Brenda

[rooten]

I contacted my birth mother 7 years ago and wish now I had left well enough alone. I guess none of us are prepared for what we will find and figure if we are normal that our long lost relatives are too. I have always questioned the stories my ** has told me re my birth etc. and also question her sanity. I have recently decided to cut all contact with her because when it is all added up she has caused much more grief than happiness. I wish you all the best, and hope you get through this ok. I know I will.

[radiodoll]

So Sorry. It's awful.

What are these women thinking? What kind of machines are they that they can turn off and on sections of their lives and believe that they don't have any responsibility in how they affect others? So f*ckin selfish. Incredible.

To have the nerve to bring the baby into the world and then decided that they can wash their hands and never look back. It's inhuman. Inhuman.

I am so sick of hearing stuff like this. It feels like being a part of the walking wounded. You get shot, and then shot again. All because you got born.
My experience has not been anywhere as bad as yours, but I feel the same way - broken, shocked, betrayed.

I AM A HUMAN BEING - NOT A DOG FROM THE POUND. I WAS BORN AN AMERICAN AND SHOULD HAVE RIGHTS TO ANY INFORMATION THAT I WANT ABOUT MY BIRTH AND MY BIRTHFAMILY. PERIOD. AND YOU CANNOT THROW ME AWAY JUST BECAUSE IT'S INCONVENIENT FOR YOU.


Take heart, Danny, you may be the only being in your family. Love to you - Radiodoll

[Adoptee_Erin]

DanT -

Hang in there...I know what you are talking about and I truly feel your pain. I sent you an email....thanks for taking the time to listen to my pain too.

Adoptee_Erin