[Lovemends2]

Many of you are aware I am in a downhill relationship to bottomless pit with my stubborn birth mother. Many of you did suggest therapist help to me. How can a therapist help me with my complicated situation? They can't completely understand me and I have no extra money! Why?

Because I am deaf. Oh yes, I do have a physical disability from my premature birth. My deafness has brought me to isolation with no communication skills so much since age 6.

No therapist knows sign language and I am in great isolation which made it worse for me to mentally deal with birth mother's stubborn choice of me.

Someone told me that birth mother gave me up because I was just a little deaf girl who needed special help. She had no patience dealing with my special needs when I was a toddler. That is one of the questions answered to me why she gave me up in the first place.

My aparents are deaf....they only can give me empathy but they really cannot do anything to really help me.

So, now you get some ideas how hard it is for me to find someone who is an professional to help me with great understanding of cultures of deafness, adoption and sign language. You can see now it is that easy for me to get help?

Until I came here to adoption forums and I found many friends here who could relate with me. I felt so much better that I am not alone anymore.

[KaseyHamnerM.S.]

Keep trying to find the right therapist. I went through about 10 of them in my lifetime (in 20 years) and now I have a winner and I am not even deaf. You might have a harder time but you will find someone to help you with the adoption, deafness, and reunion issues. Keep talking to us in the meantime.

[Pandora]

Hi again,

Why not ask Dr Art on this site if he can recommend anyone for therapy? or if he has any advice on the subject?

Perhaps you could have online therapy (I know it is not ideal but a way forward) which would involve writing opposed to speaking directly therefore a therapist who knows sign language would not be needed.

Have you contacted NAD the National Association of the Deaf for advice or help? Perhaps they can give you info on low cost therapy or some other avenue because you have a hearing disability.


http://www.nad.org/infocenter/infotogo/mh/mhfs1.html


Best of luck

Pandora

[Raichyll]

Almost all therapists either offer a sliding scale of $ based on a person's income, or they can refer you to places that do so (locally). I would not be at all surprised to find that there are therapists closer to you than you think who know sign-language. A very good friend of mine worked in Human Services for over ten years, and in that course of time I distinctly remember him mentioning driving all sorts of clients to appointments with their therapists (even people who were hearing impaired). If you really would like one, I believe with a little digging, you could find a therapist who could help you.

[Shoshana]

Hi Lovemends --

I agree with the others re the sliding scale fee, and doing some digging to find the right therapist. I do NOT however, recommend online therapy -- only as a last resort and only if you get a very good referral from someone you know. Many people consider it to be unethical -- there's too much information missing -- therapy is about forming a real-life relationship and it's almost impossible to do that online with someone you don't know.

One other suggestion -- if you do find a good therapist who does not know sign language, you can bring an interpreter to the sessions with you. I've seen that work out fine a few times.

Best of luck to you...

[Pandora]

Shoshana


I totally agree with you that on-line therapy should be the last resort and young lady who began this thread probably will not choose any therapy at all if she cannot pay for it. So I suggested that option opposed to 'no therapy' even somehow hoping that someone will do it voluntarily once realising the circumstances (probably too much to hope for right enough!)

I mentioned it in my earlier post due to the fact she mentioned that she is deaf and will have difficulty unless she can find a Therapist who uses sign language or can find an interpreter to mediate all at low cost or no cost. She probably has an extremely low income and not able to work - so needs every last dime to live from day to day, never mind pay a therapist even at a low cost.

I know in places like UK she would most likey have access to these services for no cost on the national health service, but I think USA is different.

She has been on these boards with the issue of her bmother for quite some time now and definately needs help as quickly as possible. She is very isolated with these issues and is limited to who she can talk to about them.

I am hoping that she will contact NAD and enlist some help there where perhaps they can help her with an interpreter for no charge and/or even help her get benefits to pay for a therapist.


Pandora

[Lovemends2]

Hi everyone!

Thank you all and I truly mean each one of you, for your ideas, resources and imputs which motivates me to take a new step along my path. Yes, I have been here since April 2003. I will do some research. At first, I thought about going to a therapist would label me as crazy or depressive as other people might look down on me that is why I fear and kept putting it off for weeks and weeks.

[Shoshana]

If you live in an area where there is a university which has a doctoral program in clinical or counseling psychology you may be in luck. They usually operate mental health centers for people in the community as part of the training for their doctoral students. When I was in graduate school, our fee went all the way down to $2. They would probably do everything in their power to get an interpreter for you.

Community mental health centers also have sliding scale fees.

And even if these 2 options are not possible due to your location, and even if the NAD that Pandora mentioned isn't able to help, there is STILL another possibility... Psychologists, the ones who take their ethical training seriously, will see clients on a much reduced sliding fee scale or even pro bono.

And, Lovemends, try not to worry about labeling. People who matter, people who understand, will respect you for having the courage to ask for help when you need it. No therapist in the world is going to "fix" the problem. The therapist is only going to give YOU the support and the tools to help yourself.

Another comment about labeling -- people could label you as "crazy" regardless of whether or not you were in therapy! STILL wouldn't make it true, right?

Good luck to you!

[Shoshana]

Re your comment about a therapist "not understanding..."

No person can ever COMPLETELY understand your experience because that person isn't you.

But a good therapist is a good listener and will be able to empathsize with your experiences and your pain. Everyone has experienced pain in their lives -- sure, for different causes, but reall -- if you think about it, pain is pain. So on that topic, the therapist WILL be able to understand. The point about therapy is not that the person has to have your exact same experiences as you to help you -- that's kind of ridiculous if you think about it -- it would mean that any good therapist would have to have had more problems in their life than any one client could possible cope with :-) The point is that the therapist really listens, supports you, is only concerned about your needs and feelings (not their own), helps YOU learn more effective coping mechanisms, helps you to not be so isolated (because you are having a close and intimate relationship with the therapist), helps you to understand the hows and whys, and "holds" your pain so you can begin to heal.

Really, though, Lovemends, if you are able to find a good therapist, I can just about guarantee you that it will be one of the absolute best experiences of your life -- and one of the best things you could ever do for YOU.

Okay :-) That's all for this round :-)

[Lovemends2]

Shoshana

Thanks for your advice, opinions and resources! I made an appointment to see someone professional on Sept. 23rd. Let's wait and see and I will tell you what's new with me!

[sweetnoodle]

I know another organization that might help you:

www.shhh.org

I think they could find you a therapist who can sign, or an interpreter with a counseling background to sign objectively for you.

Sincerely,

[Nano]

Lovemends2--you should be able to have an ASL interpreter provided to go to your counseling session at no charge to you--TTY your local Deaf organization (I know in Los Angeles it is GLAD, but they are in all major cities) and they should be able to give you a referral and provide a QUALIFIED interpreter. I worked for a psychologist who was seeing a boy with Usher's Syndrome--when we scheduled his appointments we always used the same interpreter--it was a little inconvenient for everyone, but all parties were more comfortable using a consistent interpreter.

Your insurance company is required to pay for the interpreter (if you have insurance). If you are using insurance, if you get a Parity Diagnosis from your therapist, the insurance company is required by law to pay the claim as though it was a straight medical bill (i.e., $5 copay).

You could also try contacting the National Center on Deafness at California State University at Northridge--csun.edu, and maybe they could offer you some suggestions as well.

Good luck