[sweetnoodle]

Hi! Hope everyone had a good day.

I am an adoptee, and I was the searcher and, thankfully, finder.

Sincerely,

[Shoshana]

I'm an adoptee. I began my search in May 7, 1979 and called my birth mother on the phone 3 days later. (My search techniques from the A.L.M.A. organization that Carol mention were a failure -- an attorney who knew my adopted uncle made a phone call to his buddy, a judge. the judge made a photo copy of my adoption papers! in 1979! in Indiana no less!.)

My birth mother had never told a soul about me -- neither her husband nor her ob/gyn who delivered her three subsequent children. She said she never considered denying me because she'd done it once and couldn't live with herself if she'd done it again. We have a great relationship now -- and with extended family too & my adoptive parents know everyone too.

For those of you who are disappointed that your birth parent didn't search for you -- It never occurred to my birth mother to search. She didn't feel like she had any "rights" at all where I was concerned. Plus, she had almost completely repressed all memories of my birth. She remembered me on my birthdays. So even tho she didn't remember much, she still welcomed me and we've built a wonderful relationship.

[lemonchutney]

My bmother searched for me because she was in an adoption support group that encouraged bmothers to search. I doubt she would have done it if she hadn't had the support of that group. They encouraged her, and they also provided logistical help. Not all people are the type who would join such a support group. My bmother has been in several support groups, two for adoption and several others for other forms of support she has needed. She's also a church-goer. My point is she's a "joiner." Please don't think that bmothers who search necessarily care more about their bchildren than those who don't search.

So much of how a bmother behaves toward her bchildren depends on the kind of support she has from the people in her life, and how much shame those people have (or have not) heaped upon her.

Best wishes to all of you.
LC