[Falcon]

I am an adoptee with a question for those of you out there. Simply why search, the only reason I can think of is to obtain medical histories of the birth parents families. Please, don't take this the wrong way but I fail to see the need to reunite with my birthparents

Thus for me the only reason to search is to find out what if any medical problems the families were predisposed to have.

[shirleyville]

Falcon,
I would say that the reasons that people search are as unique as the people searching. No two people search for exactly the same reasons. If your reason for searching is to uncover health information, then that is why you search -- it doesn't make it any more or less "right" than those who search to "connect" with thier birthfamilies on some level.
If you don't feel the need "reunite" then you should listen to your heart and follow it -- especially if you view your birthparents as "vessels".
Best of Luck!
Sally

[Randa]

How about just to say "Thanks". As a bmom I would like to know that all of the things I did for my son were understood and appreciated. I hope that doesn't come off sounding cocky. I just want to make sure that he knows that everything I did for him (taking the best care I could of him in utero and my decision to find the best family I could for him) that I did out of love. Every decision I made was for him above, everything else. So, I guess my reasons are a little selfish, but I would like to know that he's ok and he had a good life.
I have heard that other adoptees have questions (ie "Why") and wanting to know who they are, where they came from (as in heritage).
I think medical history is good to find out also, b/c you never know.
I hope that helps and doesn't sound too negative.

Randa
bmom to Matthew (1/5/89)
mom to Aja, Nicholas, Elijah, & Emily

[shirleyville]

Randa,
There's absolutely nothing selfish in what you've said! I could only wish that my birthmom felt the same. She denied contact with me, and signed papers to have my files forever sealed with the state.
I've spent much of my adult life searching -- my reasons were simple. Wanting -- no needing that "connection" to my past. To know where I came from, who I look like, where my talents come from. I wanted, more than anything in this life, to thank her for the choices she made, and to let her know that not only was I alive and well, but that I had made something wonderfully positive out of the life she gave me. I wanted her to know that with each and every success I achieved, a part of her was there with me, because, without her, I wouldn't have been there to achieve it. She made an incredible difference in this world, and I wanted her to know that all the pain and guilt and shame she endured had produced something of value. I know that my life can't replace or erradicate her pain, but I had hoped, that knowing me, in some small way, would have helped her.
Those were, in part, some of my reasons for searching.....
I have never, nor will I ever, consider my birthmother a "vessel"....she has no idea the level of loyalty and respect she has with me, and she never will. But that's okay, because the choice is ultimately hers. I can't make someone want to know me, or to care enough to open herself up.
I am not saying that my feelings and my decisions are the right ones for everyone....they are only right for me.
Hugs,
Sally

[Falcon]

Sally,

Perhaps I should have said "why reunite" that is the part I really do not understand. The need to meet has never been a part of my thought process when researching my birthparents. Nor can I recall ever wondering about them and I knew from the time I was rather young that both my sis and I were adopted. So I guess the real question I have is just what drives a person to want to reunite.

Falcon

[sam_i_am_71801]

Why do some prefer Pepsi and some prefer Coke?
falcon, the answer to your question can only be found in each individual heart. There is no general reason why some choose to search or choose not to search. It's just not that simple.

[bajohnson]

Sam- leave it to you to raise the old Pepsi/Coke argument. Let's see..... I was raised in a "Pepsi" family, and married into a "Coke" family and am now firmly addicted to Coke! LOL Just kidding....
I search because I can't not! I want to know, see, feel, taste everything about my birth parents. It is a part of ME and I MUST KNOW!
Hugs,
Beth

[shirleyville]

Falcon,
I suppose to begin with, I would reiterate some of what Beth said, in response to your query "why reunite"....

I want to know, see, feel, taste everything about my birth parents. It is a part of ME and I MUST KNOW!

Wanting to know my birthfamily is as much a part of me as anything else. I want to know them.....and without reuniting -- actually physically being in their presence -- I can't fully know them.
There isn't a thing wrong with the way you feel.....it's how you feel. As Sam said, it's as individual as each adoptees heart.
Hugs,
Sally

[sam_i_am_71801]

Beth you're so silly lol "addicted to coke" lol that's funny. Myself, I am addicited to coffee, gotta dress it up to smooth it down though. What I mean to say is that 3 pots gets me caffiened up this, "condition" enables me to "OUT RUN" the family./.................lmao.........see there is a purpose to my maddness.............. catch ya later.....sammie.....hey sally, did you get my pm? Talk to you in a bit. Hey did you all notice that adoptedabirth's thread has been removed? YYYYYYaaaaaahhhhooooooooooooooooooooooo!