[vicrose]

Hi everybody...Let me just say that now that I have had contact with my birthmother and she has stated that she wants no contact...I truly feel blessed for being given up by this woman. In the past few days I've found myself sometimes being a bit upset with her...but no more...I initially contacted her because I just really had to know after 37 years that she was o.k. and was able to move on from the trauma of giving me up for adoption...well, she has moved on and has a husband and 3 other children...this could of been a happy ending..but she never gave me even an instant to say "thank You"...I've waited 37 years to say that to her and she didn't give me the chance.....I've had time to re-evaluate my relationship with my adoptive family...and so you know what..I'd rather try to rebuild a relationship with them...then to cry over my birthmom...I can't shed tears for this woman anymore...my adad e-mailed me just yesterday..and said he loves me..he's always loved me..and he'll never stop loving me...sometimes we search all our lives for love from our families..and then when something like this happens..it's the ones we least expect that would be there...are there!! So, thank you birthmom....my amom is looking out for me from heaven and my adad is giving me the love that I need here on earth...and people say that I should feel bad for her..because she never told her family..and it's all still a secret..well, I will respect her wishes and keep her secret....my intention was never to ruin her familylife that she has worked hard to build...I just wanted her to acknowledge me...but it didn't work out that way...and in a way I do feel sorry for her....but only sorry because she will never know the love that she could of had..........Sincerely, Brenda....

[echaos]

What a great outlook!

Thank you for sharing.

[bajohnson]

Brenda,
I know your pain, and am so pleased that your dad has stepped up and declared his love of you openly. There is no replacing that feeling. You probably knew all along that he did, but it's wonderful to hear it. I'm so sorry your birth mom is taking that road. HER LOSS! Secrets are evil! I will believe that til the day I die. Life is too short for them, it sells short our loved ones ability to love us unconditionally.
You are in my thoughts,
Beth

[gabriella]

Hey Brenda,
I was just thinking about you the other day and I was going to reply to one of your other threads to find out how your trip to the Manhattan "Library of Live Births" went. I guess from this posting that a lot has taken place in the past month or so. I am sorry for your bmother's response. It saddens me to think that people can create a child, give that child up and then never again feel the need to reconnect. I am glad though that your adad has openly proclaimed his love for you. Last I heard, there was some tension, so maybe this all happened to reconfirm the solidity of your afamily, and the lifelong place that you maintain there! I am so happy to hear that that side of things has come around. If you need to talk, I always have a listening ear!

Take care!

Gabriella

[radiodoll]

Brenda -

You are obviously a very cool woman. I both admire you and respect you.

It's amazing to me that somehow, the universe seems to place us where we are suppose to be.

I believe that if I am asking that my will fall in line with where the universe (or God) wants me to be of service, that is the ultimate good I can do in the world. My job is too be awake, available and open to what comes next, even though pain is often included in the changes along the path.

You are touching this journey in a very healhy way. Enjoy the blessing of the people around you today and say the words you need to say to your birth parents to the Higher Power that is listening. The universe will respond with more love.

Thank you for sharing this painful but important message with us.

Radiodoll

[vicrose]

Thanks Radiodoll....That was sooo touching....and as I always say, "God has not brought me this far in life to leave me now"...Thankfully I have a wonderful family life....and I do know that since the day I was born God has been watching over me..and continues to do so....Love, Brenda....

[Judilyn]

What a strong person you are. Your are going to make it through this storm and come out OK because you have decided that you can do it.

Keep pushing forward!

Judilyn

[maureen salamon]

It's true -- God does have a plan for your life, and although it includes moments of pain and loss, He never leaves us without people to help us through (and sometimes, to carry us if need be).

To be turned away by your birthmom is devastating, and although on a rational level you are trying to understand, be prepared for times of anger and disillusionment to come. You have the right attitude and the right skills; you are very strong. You are also human, and this being the process (and not the moment in time) that it is, you likely will experience better days and bleaker days.

I am so glad your dad has stepped up to the plate for you and you feel his love. Right now, he is the person God has sent to help you through this (along with all your friends here on the forum.)

Take care of yourself.

[debsdone]

Brenda, It never was, nor will it ever be YOUR loss. The loser is someone who will never even know it. You will be fine! I will pm you more later, you are major in my thoughts! Love, Debi

[aodell]

Brenda,
I completely agree. I know I am blessed to be adopted. As my daddy always says, I was chosen. Anyway, I am new at searching and like you just want to say hello and thank you to my birthmother. I would love to have a relationship with her, but will respect her wishes whatever they may be. I just don't know where to start. Did you feel guilty looking for her after all these years and what your adopted family might feel? I do. But I have 2 kids of my own now and I just want to know why I am the way I am, what can I expect as I get older, etc. I am rambling, but it is so good to see that others feel as I do. Thanks for sharing!

Amy

[vicrose]

You people are sooo great!! It's been a week now since my ordeal with my birthmom...and I finally stopped crying a few days ago...thank God!!!! I guess I always knew I ran the chance of rejection...but I just had to know...and now I can move forward!!! And Amy...I don't feel guilty about contacting my mom after all these years....I had the right to find out about my heritage, medical info, etc....as adoptees we are always trying to walk on eggshells so as not to hurt the other person....and I'm sure I didn't hurt her by finding her....I only let her know that I am alive and well...I would of said more...but she never gave me the chance!!!!!! Sincerely, Brenda....

[radiodoll]

Brenda -

Keep the faith, and let those tears come! it's all part of the journey and the healing process. The funny thing is ...

ya never know what's around the next corner. Don't be surprised if things turn around at some point.

But in the meatime, you are a BEAUTIFUL, EXQUISITE CHILD OF THE UNIVERSE. Be very good to yourself. You deserve the slf-love.

Radiodoll

[Lovemends2]

Ohhhh Brenda!!!

I am so so so sorry it had to happen to you! I know exactly how you are going through now.

After my birth mother completely rejected me, I had to deal with my own pain, hurts, and anger. It has been 2 years now since my first contact with birth mother.

What helped me pull through is support from my adopted mom and dad. And my new family, my husband and children and in-laws. And last....my newest family.....YOU and other adoption forum members!!!

May your heart be comforted and I could see you have this great forgiveness in your heart. You also have respect for your birth mother but at the same time.....helping yourself to heal is much more important than worrying about birth mother. To wonder about her is okay. You can still love her and think about her. There is nothing wrong about it. But to heal yourself is more important to yourself.

It is her loss. I am so sad that our birth mothers have chosen that path. I am sure our birth mothers would feel some regrets once they grow closer to the end of their lives and that is to their graves. That was what my adopted dad told me. He felt that in the future my birth mother would regret about me once she draws nearer to her death.

Lovemends2

[sspete]

You have been in my thoughts a lot lately, as the others on the board who have dealt with rejection from anyone within the triad. I know your great attitude helps many others. I share your thoughts on the love that the rejecting party is missing out on. This is a very sad loss for them to me!! You hang in there my friend. This is another journey in life that you will be a better person for going down!! You are a great lady with so much to offer--Blessings to your dad for being there for you!!!! My prayers are with you also--may your healing continue!!! S Pete

[dl]

I am so sorry for the pain that you have suffered over the past week. I think it's all the more awful as it happened on your birthday.

Your grace and forgiving attitude is beautiful and inspiring.

I too have always felt that I was where I was meant to be. After reading my non id info I truly wished that my parents were alive so I could give them a big hug and let them know how very grateful I am that God led them to me when I was 13 months old.

Beautifully said by sspete - "may your healing continue!!!"