[laurie rowland]

This may seem silly, but my birthday is in one week and I woke up crying this morning.
Does anyone out there ever feel this way? I feel like I get a double whammy this month
with Mother's Day and my birthday all in the same month. Usually I am ok with who I am
and my life. But May is just a hard month. I was just wondering if anyone else ever felt
this way. Thank You Laurie Rowland

[bajohnson]

Laurie,
I am also one that gets down around my birthday, and Mother's Day. I just turned 39 in April, and I use to chalk it up to aging blues, but I love getting older and am enjoying my 30's soo much, that I really dug deep this birthday and figured out that it is bothering me, that it isn't bothering her. I have secretly waited for 39 years for that call on my birthday that says, I'm thinking of you, I wish you all the best, who are you, etc. I am waiting for a response to a letter I've sent my birthmother, through an intermediary, but nothing yet. I wrote and sent it around my birthday which is a month ago today. I rush to the mailbox every day. She didn't want contact in 1989 when I did the same thing(letter through the Dr. that handled the adoption) and am hoping that she has changed her mind.
Thanks for listening, good luck and chin up.
What's your info?
Hugs,
Beth

[Royalcav1024]

I totally hear ya on that one. For me I love my birthdays and start reminding everyone like months ahead of time. However typically at somepoint during the day I start crying just out of nowhere. My tradition at least for the past two years has been to read the letter from my birthmom around the time I was born. Everytime I read that letter I burst into uncontrolable tears. However, whenever I get that sad I just think about what a wonderful life my birthmom enabled me to have by placing me in such a wonderful and loving home. Typically that cheers me up just enough to get back into the swing of my birthday and enjoy it!


Kristin
(May 6, 1985)

[laurie rowland]

Thank-You both for your kind words, I appreciate them very much. Although I am not alone in this
world, sometimes I feel like I am. I just needed to know that I was not going crazy or feeling too
sorry for myself, and the two of you helped me; Thank-You both very much. Laurie

[bajohnson]

Laurie,
You aren't crazy. This search is like riding a rollercoaster. One day you are up, up. And then a day like today comes along and you don't think you can get any lower. I got a letter from the intermediary, and he said he sent my birthmom the letter a month ago, and that my birthfather is an impossiblity as he denied paternity and it was never proven. Yikes, I'm so down. I will get off my butt, I know, but for now, I'm wallowing. I get a picture in my head of a big, fat, pig rolling in the mud when I say the word WALLOWING. Tee Hee. The mud feels so good.
Beth

[laurie rowland]

Beth, I do understand. I am sorry to hear that your B-father has denied paternity. In my adpotion papers, it states my B-mom had not known my father very long. She did not even know about his education, yet she was a housewife. So I tend to think that I am a secret in her world. This is what I think about when I get too down; I know what I picked up from my A-parrents, and what I figured out on my own about myself, all the rest I think must have come from my B-parrents, but this is who I am for better or worse and I am not a bad person. That is all I have to give myself when I feel like an identity crisis is comming on. My wish for you, is for your B-mom to dig deep and try to think about your feelings and respond to you. She is probally very afraid, I feel that alot of B-parrents are afraid to face the past or may be afraid that the A-child will blame them. Keep your faith, and keep sending her letters, I know this is difficult, but you may be able to someday break the fear and she may respond. I hope this happens for you. In the meantime enjoy the mud! You have evey right to feel everything that you feel, they are your feelings for you and you alone do not let anyone take that away from you. Thanks Laurie

[laurie rowland]

Kristen, how did your birthday go this year?? I truly hope it was a good one!!!! You actually have a wonderful gift in the letter you mentioned that you have from your mother. You also have a very bright outlook on your life in thinking that your B-mom gave you the things she felt that she could not by giving you your A-parrents. I also feel that way most of the time. It's just that sometimes I think I feel sorry for myself because I have un-answered questions. But if I look at my situation logically I should not feel that way. My A-parrents love me as much as anyone could. Sometimes the fact that I just do not know where I came from or who drives my crazy. But then I get over it and go on, and I'm ok with everything. I just wanted to wish you a belated Happy Birthday!!!!! thanks Laurie

[dragonfly13]

I have yet to actually enjoy a birthday. I find that a deep depression takes hold of me about a week before...getting worse as the actual day grows near. I spend most of my time crying and wondering if my b-mom is thinking about me. Every year I wish the same thing while blowing out the candles, wishing that I will find her. Hopefully one day that wish will come true for all searching.

[Royalcav1024]

Dawn,

Don't let being adopteed ruin all your birthdays. Its not worth it. Your b mom did not put you on this earth to cry about not knowing who she is or if she thinks of you. If she cared enough to not have an abortion she cares enough to rember you on your birthday. I have no doubt in my mind that my birthmom remebers and thinks of me on my birthday. Mothers and daughters no matter how far apart will always have that special bond Cheer up, enjoy life and especially your special day!

Kristin
(ISO birthmom 5/6/85)

[Royalcav1024]

Laurie,

I had a wonderful birthday This year was the best ever! I know what you mean about wanting to know. I dont know if you ever feel like this but sometimes I'll be walking down the street and ill see someone with my eyes or my nose and I just start thinking. Could that be her? I have so many questions I want to ask her, and I believe whole heartedly that one day I will find her. I am still very early into my search. In fact it was on my birthday this year that I started my search, which also helped make my birthday that much more special. My only problem i find now is with my a mom. She loves me very much as I love her and is supportive of me in my search. Yet I sense that she feels uneasy about my finding my birthmom which makes It difficult to talk to her and get the vital information that I need for my search. Thanks again

Kristin
(ISO birthmom 5/6/85)

[laurie rowland]

Kristen, I am glad you had a wondeful day!!!! Just give your a-mom some time, it must be pretty difficult for someone who had loved you for so long, and it may make her feel a bit insecure also. Just keep on letting her know she is the onw who raised you and you do not wish to replace her and that there is enough room on your life for all of you. My little brother found his b-parrentsabout 6 years ago, and all of the parrents in his life get along wonderfully. It can be tough, but with enough love it can work keep up your faith. Laurie

[bajohnson]

Hey guys,
Just had to jump in here and tell you how weird I am. When my husband and I visited Greensburg in March, I spent the entire time looking for people with a big dimple in their chins. I have it, my kids have it, so it must have come from one of my birth parents. It was great when my babies were born, I never worried about someone switching the babies, cause they all had that great dimple.
Thanks for keeping the chatter going. It makes me feel better to know that I'm not crazy, or if I am, that I have good company.
Happy Belated Birthday Kristin!
Take care, chins up, keep movin'
Beth

[laurie rowland]

Hey you two, I do this too. I even moved to the town where I was born to look for my parrents, it is only 60 miles away but I did not have any luck. I look for people all the time and wonder. Beth dimples are so cute! I'm glad that made the hospital easier, I think all of us mothers have that fear. I made my husband follow my two all over the hospital so that would not happen. I look everywhere I go sometimes I don'e even realize that I'm doing this. What is really crazy is my brain does it even when I watch t.v. sometimes so I know I am the crazy one here!!! All I know is I have to keep my outlook bright I want to know about my B-parrents even just a little, they do not have to meet me I would just like to know something about them. Oh and I would also like to thank them for giving me life. Bye for now Laurie

[bajohnson]

Laurie,
This must be an adoptee thing because I look at people on TV too. A few years back there was a show called "Sirens" on. It was a cheesy, girl cop show, but one of the characters looked so much like me. Prettier, of course, and younger, but there was something about her jawline and eyes. Anyway, she's now on that show on CBS, "Yes Dear" Her name is Liza Snyder. I even clicked on her name and read her bio to see if she was in Indiana, or adopted, or folks were from there. She isn't, they weren't, but for some reason, she still reminds me of me. Even her weight gain. I think that when you find your birthparents, you do stop looking at people like that. I wish we were there.
Beth

[laurie rowland]

Beth,
I wish we were there also, but we cannot give up!!! We must some how find the strength to keep on going. Sometimes I feel like just giving up, but then something inside of me will not let me. So in the mean time I will just go on searching. I am however, glad to know that I am not the only person who does this, for a long time I really thought I was crazy, so I say thankyou for letting me know that I am not alone in the way I feel, I truly appreciate it !!! Please have a happy day!! Thanks again Laurie