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Originally Posted By mom2bsoon

we have been approached by birthmother who wants us to adopt her baby, i think she tinks that this is simple and we dont need an attorney and i dont know but i think she will be surprised when she finds out she will need to do drug testing, she is smoking pot and cigs.
what happens in situations like this, does the birthparent usually stop smoking the pot? What is going to happen in a situation like this?
Please help me

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Originally Posted By Marie

I have a similar situation. Bmom at our first meeting offered the info that she has smoked pot from the onsett (and before of course) of her pregnancy. She does not smoke cigarettes however. While she has a long history of this habit, her excuse for not discontinuing during this pregnancy is that it's calming effects help w/her sleep and after all, she says, it's more safe than taking some sort of sleeping pill prescription (up for debate of course). She says her doctor advised her to do the pot instead of the other. I personally don't believe any doctor in their right mind would advise a pregnant woman to smoke pot, but when people are addicted, they'll find a way to justify their behavior. Anyway, she's had many other children, some which have been adopted previously and some she has custody of and she states she smoked pot with all of them, and even smoked several joints a day with her first few. She's convinced it's effects aren't harmful. I've researched some myself, and while it does seem that most birth defects and low birth weight are more likely to be caused by factors other than smoking & marijuana use (disease, poor healthcare, malnutrition, genetics, environmental toxins, etc.), I personally would prefer she not do it but the hard cold fact is SHE'S NOT GOING TO STOP AND NEITHER IS YOUR BMOM LIKELY TO. So, my advice to you is to do some soul searching and decide whether or not you're going to be okay with her smoking the pot, and whether you're willing to take the chance of this baby possibly having some medical problems (most likely low birth weight and premature birth) because of it. You might want to look at from the perspective that at least she's honest and therefore you have been forewarned. She didn't have to offer this info and we all know there are ways around the drug testing. Count your blessings, and, if this is the worst about this opportunity for you, it's still a very good thing. This baby is coming either way. Would you still want the baby if he/she had a physical limitation or defect whether or not it what due to the bmom smoking pot? If not, this isn't the bmom for you. But, you run that risk no matter what. People do drugs and have healthy babies. People who don't have unhealthy ones. I think most of what I've read states that less than 5% of the birth defects were able to be definitely linked to cigaretts and or pot usage. As for me, I'm going to accept it all and adopt anyway, no matter what. Other than the pot, our bmom is in very good health and is very religious about her dr. visits/etc. I'd be willing to bet, with every situation you could find an excuse to back out, but it could be soooo much worse. If there's one thing I've learned during my 8yr plus pursuit of adoption, THERE IS NO PERFECT SITUATION. Good Luck with your situation!! I hope both my and your babies are born healthy and that the bmoms remain so too!

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Originally Posted By MonicaL

If they dont care, then they wont stop. If I were you, I would try for a different birthparent!! I am a birthmom myself and I smoke cigs. That is all! I smoked with my first born and there were no probs. She also weighed 8 13!! I dont think that it is right at all to smoke anything! My doctor told me that if I quit smoking now, it could send the baby into shock! Then there is that chance of losing him! I deliver in 5 days now, so what is the point? I hope that everything works out for u!! My prayers are with u!! Good luck!! If u want to chat email me @ ruffles72153@yahoo.com!! Bye

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Originally Posted By Mom2Bsoon

Marie,
I just read your reply to me today, 9-12-02 and I really appreciate taking the time to respond, I would like to correspond with you, please email me at www.h2osunfun@aol.com

Thanks,

[AnnieandZach]

At the beginning of my pregnancy I was smoking pot, I had quit cigarettes though, they made me throwup, even just the smell. Pot actually helped with my nausea and alot of people around me reassured me that it wouldnt hurt the baby, theyre moms had smoked while pregnant and THEY were just fine. Then around 3 months pregnant a murse at my Drs office talked to me about drug use etc... and i told her honestly that i smoked pot and she said moms should think of it this way, everything you get the baby gets double, pot is not known to hurt unborn babies, but would you smoke pot around a newborn? would you put even a little beer in your babies bottle? no probably not, atleast i wouldnt. so, i quit the pot. But they didnt haul me off to jail or anything, i am sure that if she is honest, doctors have the b abies best interest at heart usually and will take it in stride
Annie