In 1995 I was married and after a year of marriage my wife convinced me to adopt her 6 year old son. Now we are divorced and I am supporting her son from 2800 mile away. According to the legal profession I will be supporting him until he is 18-21 yrs old. Be cautious about step-parent adoption, it can change you life in more than one way.

[AlbanyKaren]

Have you considered going back to the agency where you made the adoption and asking for adoption disruption compensation? I don't even know if this is possible, but you might want to look into it. It might be the child support division, not the agency of the adoption, but someone should be able to talk to you about your options.

Good luck!

[kytten4u2]

I am in the same boat you are if there is a way to change it please let me know. The only difference in my case is thst the bio- parent is back in the childrens lives, so everyone is getting a free ride on me, and eventhough they make more money than me they are always pushing the jail term for me.They have even "talked" to the kids that if I was to see them somewhere and try to talk to my kids, The kids scream out like I'm some pervert who is trying to snatch them away.
I have even thought about trying to havr the court reverse the adoption. I don't know anyone that would take a case like ours, but the government should take into concideration special cases,like ours, and force the bio-parent to pay for their own, unless the adoptive parent wants to continue support and has joint custody so that the relationship never changes for the children.

If anyone out there can help me make a stand and defend adoptive parents so that there is a law for this type of situations PLEASE respond. THANKS

[michellemartin]

I think you SHould take responsibility for the child you adopted. You knew that at the time you adopted that the other parent would no longer have to pay any support to you, if you didnt want the financial burden, well then you shouldnt have adopted. Step parent adoption is not always a good idea, but it is a choice each of you freely made. That is your child now, and you can get visitation and even try for permanent custody so that child lives with you and not the Bio parent-because after all- you ARE the other parent. You are now on the BC and have the same parental rights as the person who you divorced/divorced you. Divorce happens. Its not the childs fault.

[kytten4u2]

It's easy for you to say that it is not the childs fault and we knew that when we adopted, but have you ever worn the other shoe? Life would be easier if adults would act like adults instead of using others for a free ride. If you actually read what I said you would understand how I could end up feeling the way I do. I am a mother of my own children and now not only am I hurting but so are MY BIO-Children is that fair to them? I am raing my own kids without any help from anyone and he is trying to take me to the cleaners. He has a better paying job, and his parents pay for most of his bills, While I'm trying to live, paying my own way with my kids, and NOBODY is giving me a free ride!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[34andhopeful]

OK. I was not going to post...BUT. In the eyes of the law, once a child is adopted he or she IS your child. Biology or not. I am wondering if the adopted child "felt" that there was a difference. My assumption is yes.

I have a similar situation, although not the same. My DH has two BIO children from a previous marriage and he pays an arm and a leg in child support. Guess what, his ex uses the money for her mortgage. When the kids come to visit - we have to buy them clothes and shoes cuz she is not providing. She is getting a free ride!

The law does not care - just as long as his check gets to her every other week!

Now, OUR son, who is adopted is getting the short end of the stick. But we are not blaming his EX for that. We blame the system. There are associations out there that are trying to fight this very thing. But there are sooo many groups out there who could care less about the non-custodial parent its insane.

But it is NOT the kids fault, its not even the x's fauls - even though they are the easy target. Its those people in office who pander to who gives them the most money.

BTW, do you live in PA. If you are in a state that has no fault divorces, you get it two fold.

Sorry about the rant, but this situation has NOTHING to do with Biology - it has to do with the stupid laws.

Did you know that in MD, more than 5 women, who are not related cannot live in the same house? Do you know why? Cuz some politician a hundred years ago, said it was a brothel!

Agaion, sorry bout the long message and any typos...LOL

[michellemartin]

I was actually thinking on my way to work today that maybe you could get the biological parent to adopt the child back. I feel terrible that you are being treated this way by someone who was supposed to care about you forever. My advice is if she wont adopt them back, sue for custody. Let him pay child support. I'd really only recommend sueing for custody though if you could really treat them as your own which might be hard seeing that we adults do get angry.

[numbr1dbcksfan]

BUT. In the eyes of the law, once a child is adopted he or she IS your child. Biology or not.

This is VERY true..... and also even though you have to pay support for the one child ---> YOU should be recieveing support for your other children!

I just dont see how a person can adopt a child and then write them off because of a divorce. But I see it as the same as any parent having a child then writing them off it is all the same. There are venues for parents to go through to be able to have access to their children....take the other parent to court! They will force them to give you access just like they can force you to pay child support....and they can order them to not trash talk you....it isnt any different for adopted children or bio children!

Also...
The thing about child support is that it is due to the parent...not the child. If the money goes to the mortgage...well that is a roof over the child's head.....it all goes together..... BUT of course the childs needs should be met....

Look at it this way....so she spends THAT money on the groceries...and the grocery money on the mortgage.....it is all the same....