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Old 09-22-2005, 05:40 PM
meimaemomma meimaemomma is offline
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He's either "not using his filter" (as my ds, 4, says) and it's unintentional or he's trying to ask in a lighthearted way something that is too deeply personal and offensive to ask in more explicit terms: "Why adopt if you can be pregnant (or can't you be)?" I have one bio and we're waiting for dc#2 via adoption. People do ask, "Do you mind if I ask why?" If I care at all about them, I'm in the position to answer (and it's complex, as all life decisions, so if they really want to know they're in for it!). If I care but don't have the energy: "Love makes you do crazy things." Because we love this hypothetical child intensely. Intensely enough to go through this. If I don't care, or if it's in a public setting, "Yes" is a perfectly fine answer. We do not need to discuss our biology or our intentions with other people, but we will face in one way or another the common conception that you don't do this if you don't "have to" (whatever that means. Aargh).
My answer to this "to get out of pregnancy thing" would probably be as follows: "What I'd really like to get out of is the mountain of paperwork and the emotional strain of adoption but (like pregnancy and delivery) can't have the child without the pain," and a shrug.
If you've just shared the news (or it has just spread), I doubt he'll continue talking about it for a year. At first, people will ask you or say odd things every minute and a half, but if it's a long wait before you're actually in the thick of it, the idea will settle in.
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