[LisaCA]

hi lisa,

me again . you might want to do a ton of research on what domestic adoption entails, read what people mean by open adoption (some mistakenly believe that it means "co-parenting" which it certainly doesn't), talk to folks in domestic situations, and ask if it's for you. even though i tend toward the cranky and antisocial, and we aren't by today's fundamentalist standards "christian", we found our experience to be terrific. it turns out that bmom picked us for reasons unknown, but I can guess: our temperments are the same, and my temperment is like her mom, we have similar philosophies. what this meant was that we each looked at the other's profile and said "hey, that sounds like me". being egocentric hominids, people can't help but be attracted to themselves . it means that we're beautifully matched, thanks to our facilitator and to bfamilies. Not all matches are like ours, but then again, some are. we have added dd's birthfamilies to our family tree and welcomed them in our lives. we talk on the phone (maybe once every 6 or so weeks), we write once every three or so weeks (sending the photos i know they love-our contract just requires 4x a year but we love showing her off and they love seeing the photos), and we visited this past june/july (they live in Illinois, our contract requires no visits, but we like them!)

anyway, talking to folks, maybe taking some agency classes and discussing the pros and cons, will give you a good perspective. here are a couple of books that are good about domestic adoption:

*the open adoption experience by lois melina

*adoption after infertility by P. johnston (i hear great things about this book and it may help with the decision over donor eggs)

*dear birthmother by Kathleen silber



I'm sure there are great books on international adoption too. I would only suggest one book: Toddler Adoption by mary hopkins-best. she discusses the issues with adoption with children older than 1 year, and this is true for many international programs
.
anyway, I hope these help you in making your decision. People seem to fear what is unknown or unfamiliar. at first we were hesitant, unsure of the entire open adoption thing, but read a ton, talked to folks and embraced it. i have to say that we have gained so much from this experience, including more cool family members. And there are some positives for dd, including having contact with her genetic family. check these books out, they may help you to decide what's what.

good luck!

lisa