[LisaCA]

hi,

we didn't have any failed matches, but we were prepared (somewhat) for at least one. We were matched with a teen, and they have higher decide-to-parent rates.

the rates are as individual as paparents and pbparents. it doesn't have anything to do with you, I suspect it just sometimes feels like it. Any parent can look at their newborn child and, whatever decisions they'd made in the past, all disappear. that decision to place has to be made several times, including in the hospital.

we've made some decisions to protect ourselves emotionally with adoption number two (that we hope takes place next year), but at some point you have to just jump in and take the risk. I think, for example, that we'll just ask for a short match, that is only match with a mom who's at least 7 months. that way we won't have that major emotional investment. that said, there is an emotional investment that happens no matter what, and that can be hard to deal with. by the luck of the draw we missed a failed match this time, but each adoption is different, and each match is diff. a little has to do with pbmom's counseling, whether all her options were explored with her, etc, but there's that time in hospital when she looks at her newborn and has to make that final decision.

i've heard of folks on this board with up to four failed matches, but for every one of them there are several like us who had no failed matches (so far). I think it's just something that's out of our hands and up to the pbirthparents.

I wish for you a successful match and placement soon,

Lisa