[sugarbabysmommy]

Involuntary relative adoptions have got be so complicated for the adults to sort. Before this goes any further you must sit down and explain very simply, what your adopting means- you will legally and emotionally become mom and dad, you are not taking care of her child temporarily, and whatever you agree to regarding contact, stick to it. Put your contact agreement on paper, not just verbally (I can't stress that enough), contact examples a previous poster gave. There are others better versed than me in open relationships (which is what you will have) with drug dependent persons (I'm including alcohol when I say drug, I'm not assuming any certain drug). A few other issues to consider and to address now, how other family will treat you all, will they call you aunt and uncle? You need to lay it all out for other family as well, your adoption is not happening in a bubble. Will you see your SIL at family functions? How will that fit into any contact agreement you make, if you do make one?

"I am worried about how we address the b/m within our household and how much say that the child will have in her realtionship with her b/m."

I wanted to address this, I'm kind'a confused. Do you mean by what name you will refer to your SIL, by her first name, by mom? Or do you mean how you will explain her relationship to your future daughter? And I'm not sure how to address your question about how much say the child will have in her relationship with her biological mother. You mentioned boundaries for the child, can you explain this further? I'm not trying to be a pain, but it might help to talk some of these feelings/thoughts out.

There is a great website that I seem to recommend all the time, but there's a good reason, it's got great info: Pactadopt.org