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I am a mother who has a 17 year old daughter who was raised in another family (adopted). I have since had two more daughters, now aged 4 and almost 2. From birth, my daughters have known about their older sister. It has helped because we have had bi-annual contact in that time, so they have a face to a name. My four year old does ask questions about Erin, but we have always answered in an age appropriate way. She knows Erin is her sister. She knows Erin has another Mum and Dad. She knows I am also Erin's mum. You can see her mind ticking over, trying to understand why Erin lives with another mum and dad and we have explained it very simplistically to her. We never use the term 'birth' sister or 'birth' mother or even adopted. I just want their relationship to develop into what ever it will be (bearing in mind there's about 14 years between them) without the stereotyping in society about those terms. In time the questions will get harder, but I have no doubt that our openness about the whole situation will assist my 4 & 2 year olds accept the situation for what it is. I strongly encourage a relationship between my girls and fortunately, it appears to be working. Even though they don't see each other very often due to distance and there is a great age gap between them, there is clearly a close bond. I lost my daughter to adoption and I do everything I can to reduce the grief that all my daughters may also suffer due to being separate from each other.
If the parents treat the situation 'normally', then the children will adapt much better to the experience they have been born into.
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