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Hi KK,
First I want to offer my sympathy for both of your recent losses. I'm an adoptive mom and can only imagine how painful both of these failed situations must be for you.
I read back to your first post and then all the way through to today. I just wanted to point out something to you (others may have already said this but I think its worth repeating).
You had good instincts with both situations. With the first, you said in your first call pbmom sounded "unstable." If you can think back to what you meant by "unstable" -- maybe you sensed something there. And with this latest situation, throughout you said you didn't feel connected to pbmom and in one post you even said that you didn't think she'd go through with the adoption plan.
It is so hard to trust our instincts when we are in the waiting process. And as you said, after your first failed experience you couldn't tell if your doubts were warranted or a result of your pain.
But I just wanted to offer the idea that as you move forward with trying to find another match -- listen to your inner voice. If a situation does not feel right to you, honor that feeling. Your inner voice is your guide and I don't believe it will fail you or steer you wrong.
With our son's birthmom, no one thought it would happen (least of all our atty). But I felt in my heart as I sat in that empty room that THIS particular baby boy would become our son and we would become his parents. Even though intellectually there was little reason to hope, something inside me (my inner voice I guess) told me that this adoption would come to be and it did.
I hope that you have all the time and space you need to grieve these losses. And ultimately I hope you are blessed to become parents through a successful adoption!
My thoughts are with you. -Ellie
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