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the waiting game
Dear Dr Kad,
I ask myself this question quite a bit. My husband and I have been officially on our agency's waiting list (Catholic Charities in our archdiocese) for approximately 6 months now. The average wait is 18 months, but 3 other couples who also signed on in Jan/Feb have already adopted, which is encouraging.
I'm reading TONS of articles/magazines/books. My friend (a newly adoptive mom as of 2 weeks ago!) recommends The Happiest Baby on the Block, which I hope to buy this weekend. I also subscribe to Adoptive Families Magazine. Mostly I read about raising adoptive kids, how to care for a newborn, and information on positive discipline.
There isn't a support group near us that I can find, so we hooked up with another couple working with our agency and email. We met for dinner once also, and plan to meet in the future. As they just adopted, she has been a GREAT resource and tells me all sorts of details and things we don't hear from the caseworkers.
I joined this forum a few months ago, but haven't used it much yet.
Although the agency told us not to buy much in advance (they're afraid it will make the wait harder), I'd always planned on being a parent, so I'd collected a few baby items over the past ten years of our marriage. I didn't think there would be harm in doing the basics, as I like to be prepared for things. We've painted the nursery (but not decorated it). I have a few hand-me-downs from family members, but the only things we purchased were the infant car seat, 2 outfits for coming home from the hospital, Dreft laundry detergent and a bottle. This was what our agency recommended we have on hand in case we're one of the couples who gets very little notice. (We're planning to adopt a newborn domestically).
I've been pretty calm about the wait so far. We stay very busy with work and hobbies and family, which helps. I do start to get antsy, I just try to pray more. I truly believe God has chosen our child, and he or she will be sent to us at the right time. I try to remember that when I begin to worry. I have faith it will happen sometime, and I hope it's sooner than the average wait.
I did also register for items at baby stores, as my sisters and friends are already planning to throw baby showers. That was one thing I knew I wouldn't leave the house to do after the baby comes home, and it was the last major thing to worry about.
Now I don't have much to do other than wait. We check in with our agency once a month. I usually just email the caseworker so she's familiar with us. If a birthmother has questions about our file, the caseworker will contact us. They've shown our book a lot, but they don't let us know each time someone looks at it.
Because our agency is non-profit and supported by donations, and I am dying to go shopping for baby items, I will be shopping for things to donate to the agency. They use them for the women who decide to parent their babies. At least I know I'm helping someone, and I like to think of it as relaxing shopping therapy!
I'm also trying to keep a journal (not as easy as I thought!) to share with our child some day. I do email a list of contacts updates whenever there is anything to tell (which hasn't been much so far, other than prayer requests and support thank-yous as we started this journey.)
I hope you can find something here to try to help your during your wait.
StorkWatcher
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