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You will find some of the examples cited in "Love and Logic" will not apply to you (Such as, your child is having a tantrum and banging their head on the refigerator and you give them the choice to have their tantrum in their room or their basement. Obviously, if your kid's banging their head you need to supervise that!) We use certain methods from Love and Logic. One is the offering of choices. A balks at bedtime and I say "It's bedtime. You may choose to walk up to your bedroom or you can choose to be carried. Which do you want?" Also, A is extremely irresponsible about keeping track of things. He has been at daycamp this week and thus far has misplaced or flat out lost: A water bottle, his lunch bag, his ENTIRE bookbag, 3 pairs of socks and a pair on underpants (they change clothes to go swimming, in case anyone was curious how he lost his underwear!) Instead of lecturing him on responsibility, because that has not sunk in the times I've done it, I wince and say "Oh wow. I hope they find that by the end of camp!" When we found his bookbag yesterday I said "Wow, you must be thrilled. You just saved yourself $20" He looked at me puzzled and said "I would've had to pay for it?" and I said "Oh yes. I bought you a backpack for the coming school year already. I don't particularly want to buy you a second one." We also use this at dinner. A likes to pick fights at the table. His choices are: not to argue at the table and to participate in the meal or to continue arguing and not participate in the meal. The one time we sent him from the table he was distraught that we'd actually done it but it hit home.
I would say take the priniciples and see how you can apply them to your particular child.
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