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Part of claiming our kids all the way was learning that no title (birth mom, sibling, grandparent) was more sacred than the mental, emotional, physical and spiritual well being our our kids.
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How VERY well put!!!!!! We have BTDT too.....and believe that each child is different; but in our case, the visits were with another sib who sexually abused our child. Not good....not good at all. Yet, there we were, required by the state to do so...even though our child would literally crawl into a fetal position after a 'visit'. (Who THINKS of this type of torture, I ask you?)
Anyway, as each is different, I firmly believe that if 'old habits continue' (such as parenting the younger sibs, sexual inuendos, etc.)......there is little or no point in continuing the visits.....or at least until the 'new family' unit has had time to settle in and new and healthy habits can have a chance to begin and grow.
And in many cases, I do not believe visits need to continue at all. Our child was thrilled when we actually got to stop the visits with his sib. And the sad part, was that the state admitted the purpose of having the visits, was to help in the mental health of the older sib....NOT our child!
I'm in full agreement with Dr. Art. If this is scarey, fearful or causes any type of hestitation with the child....discontinue. It can undermine your authority and image of being a caring parent. How could any child feel safe, having to visit with a sexual offender---being told 'how wrong and awful it must have been'; all the while, being
forced to 'love them'?