[sneezyone]

We've agonized over whether to involve social services in our family too. DH's sister is 16 and she lives with her bio father who is in his mid/late 70's. No one questions his love for her; his parenting made her and DH the loving people they are today. It's his ability to give her what she needs at this stage of her life that we question. Their situation isn't life-threatening or future-stiffling, tho so we've chosen not to intervene.

But we also have a friend of ours (we're military too)who's bio son is living in deplorable conditions (fleas, filth) with a young single mom who really has no interest in being one. She spends the child support money on clothes and clubs and the little boy arrives for vistations with no socks and highwaters! Our friend can't bring himself to involve social services because of his deployment cycles despite the fact that his son is 2 years + and mom's made no attempt to potty train, crack a book, encourage counting or singing the alphabet song, nothing. Veggies? What's that? "Sandwiches", crackers, soda and french fries are all this little boy eats. It's truly sad. The worst part is that he has another son who's a year younger that lives with our friend and his gf and has the benefit of more attentive parenting. I can't help but think that the son that's left to wallow will resent it eventually.

Were it my flesh and blood, there is NO WAY I'd allow that to happen. I understand wanting to preserve relationships with the adults, but my primary focus would be on the health and welfare of the children. Being poor does not equal being a bad parent...but WHT!! If you don't sign your kids up for free or reduced lunches so they at least get a decent meal for breakfast and lunch every day (the fed. program feeds kids in the summer too)...I think that's criminal and neglectful. Pride be da**ed! But hey - that's just me.

No one can make this call for you. In the end, you have to decide whether you'd be willing to sacrifice a relationship with your mom and stepfather in order to help those children (it sounds like you are) since that's what involving social services will likely mean. The parents could also refuse to let you have the children if they know yu instigated the trouble and the children could end up with strangers in a foster placement as a result. You'd need to be prepared for that possibilty as well. It's a tough call...

I guess I don't really have any advice other than to go with your gut.