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Hi Tybeemarie
Boy have we been in your shoes... and painfully learned so much.
Decisions about contact with birth family members need to be fluid based on each child's need at a given time.
We learned that pictures, cards & letters and occasional phone calls were much less chaotic and more rewarding for our kids than the dreaded "visits at McDonalds or wherever..."
Another thing we learned was that getting two or three sibs together was much more meaningful than getting together with the whole crew. (they seem to jump into old dynamics on sight of each other).
Each of our children has a scrap book and a treasure box that they keep birth family stuff in.
As far as the foster family enabeling and the birth families life style. I just had to get a tough skin and tell them the truth. It wouldn't be healthy to expose my little one to certain behaviors or lifestyles.
My message to my kids has to be clear..."we don't hang out with folks who have crazy life styles; nor do we hang out with folks who don't support our values/rules etc. for our own kids."
Part of claiming our kids all the way was learning that no title (birth mom, sibling, grandparent) was more sacred than the mental, emotional, physical and spiritual well being our our kids.
Hope this helps....
Take Care
Carla
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