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Numbr1 - the reason this is so shocking is that ethnicity IS important to establishing your identity. It's also an issue for people of color b/c whether we'd like everyone to see us as just people or not, they don't. Denying the existence of racial, cultural, religious or any other differences can lead children to feel isolated b/c they know there's a difference even if no one will acknowledge it. It's a form of self-denial.
I admire you for wanting to learn more (BTW - I don't think your dd did anything wrong by picking out a brown doll - frankly, I appreciate it when people go out of their way to find one for my dd). It is a complicated issue.
The aa/transracial and international adoptee threads give a lot of perspective on what it means, long-term,to do this to a child.
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Sad to be moving on... humbled by knowledge.
If we have been spared knowing this sin or that, it is the grace of God alone which has protected us, not any virtuous excellence of our own character.
--David C. Reardon
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