[momm2be]

Take Forrest Gump for an example....

Life is like a box of chocolates you never know what your gonna get.

The first thing about parenthood is that there are no absolute knowns and every child is unique. Fitting a child into a preconceived expectation is a recipe for diasaster - even if it is just milestones like walking or talking.

There are no guarantee with health or intelligence with bio children, domestic adoptions, international adoptions.

I am the daughter of two Ivy league graduates - of 4 children - two excelled in school, two did not; one excelled in sports, 2 were average, one a klutz; 1 excelled in music, 2 were average, one was awful; all have bad allergies, 2 have asthma, 1 depression, 2 bad joints, 2 bad backs; 3 good careers, 1 still finding their way.

We have a preconceived low end of the spectrum. The bottom line is you can't take the low end of the spectrum of all these differences and tie them to one kid. Its just not how the cards fall out.

When you are looking at a referral, be it a 1 yr old or a 6 yr old, you will have no idea what this kid can achieve by age 18. How many parents have said - looking back at their grown child - if I had only known he good have <<fill in the blank>> I would have done more to support him there.

Taking a child from unknown background is a leap of faith, but in reality so is having a child. There are 3 grandchildren from the 4-some above. One child came with alot of issues - surgery at 14 days for a benign condition, heart arrythmia at 5 weeks, sensory integration disorder diagnosed at age 4 , speech delay dx age 3, special ed services - kindergarten. And he's a bio child- the sweetest thing that we (the extended family) could not live without. Also an extremely bright, & loving child.

So much of these disasters are based in a false perception. To often the pipe dreams that everything will smell like roses do not come true,the truth that motherhood is filled with poop, vomit, boogers, anger, sorrow, frustration and with all that you still love this child with every ounce of your strength.

The bottom line is we need to stop sugarcoating the stories post adoption. The agencies need to better prepare the adoptive parents for what the immediate future brings and what the late future could bring.

Okay- I am off my soap box now.