[Devora]

I started to keep a special journal for our son when we were part-way through the homestudy and dossier process. At that time I wrote it "to my someday coming child", after we had his referral I used various nicknames, and it wasn't until the end of our visit that I actually addressed him by name.

I just use a journal that I picked up at the bookstore that I liked. I tend to write either (A) after something in the process happens (including the paperchase) or (B) just when I am especially thinking about him. I've told him about what the adoption process involves, the excitement of getting closer to him, how we told family we were adopting and how we shared his referral with them, kind things family/friends/strangers have done for us in this process, and lots about him when we visited.

I think the one thing you have to decide is how much of the raw experience you feel comfortable sharing with your child. Although I write to our son about the anxieties, etc., I only do so after I've gotten out of the bad spot and can tell him about it in retrospect. That's because while I feel it's important to be authentic and honest with our child and let him see us in our imperfection, I do not feel comfortable "processing my stuff" with my child. So I keep a journal for myself where I write when I need to sort stuff out for me and I keep his journal for telling him about his story. For me those are two different things.

This boundary thing really hasn't been a big issue for me because our process has been smooth (except for a long wait for a referral and my flipping out over preapproval, which was completely self-induced). But I think one of the reasons I have found such peace in the process and have been able to cherish the wait for what it is, is due in part to the fact that I kept the journal. It has let the wait be something I can share with our son instead of just something to get through until we're together.

By the way, I plan on keeping the journal as he grows up, too. I think it will be neat to be able to share stories with him about him and our lives together. If he's interested, I'll read it to him just like a storybook rather than waiting until he's older to give it to him.

Just do what works for you! There's definitely no right or wrong on this one!

Best wishes,
Devora