[BrandyHagz]

Elaine,

My advice, from reading what you’ve written, is do not put yourself in the position to be this expectant moms resource of support, you will only kill yourself trying to do that.

If she is unwilling to accept counseling, then that is her choice, I did it and I was fine, however, she cant decline counseling and turn around and expect you to be her counselor. Not only does that create boundary issues, but it also creates a hard position for you both to be in.

I suggest you continue to be her friend, listen to her concerns and be her sounding board, if needed, but don’t try to solve her issues, that’s best left to the professionals. If she tries to bring you in as her grief counselor, the best thing you can do is provide her with the resources she will need to help her thru it, one of those resources being a professional counselor.

I think its great that you want to have a fully open adoption, and I think that all of you will grow over time, as has been my experience…but you do need to draw some lines in the sand regarding your involvement in her pain. It is perfectly natural for you to empathize with her or even talk about it with her…but you cant be her birthparent counselor…its not only an unrealistic expectation of the relationship, but in many circles, considered unethical and could be seen as coercion if something, on down the line, were to happen.

Open adoptions are some of the most complex relationships around…you need to meet somewhere in the middle.