[timni]

I am a hopeful soon to be adoptive mom. The waiting is almost over and now I need some help. We are in a potential adoption relationship with a good friend of mine. We have been working on this together on this since E was 19 weeks along. Her and I have been and will continue to be very close. I an so honored that she wants me to be a part of her childs life. I am having a hard time address the conflicting feelings I have and I thought perhaps talking to a few Birth mothers might help.

I want to have a child more than anything in the whole world. Without going into the details this has been a long hard road so I know what it feels like to lose a child. E is my friend and I am so upset that she is about to learn what I already know and that is the pain doesn't go away ( you only forget about it for periods of time) So I have been really searching inside myself for the answer to this problem. I even went as far as thinking if I don't adopt the baby maybe she will parent herself. But she says would just find someone else to adopt her child. SO you see I am stuck. I have been working with a counselor on this but they really don't have much experience in adoption. Which is strange but they have lots of experience with me so it is working out. E had refused any counseling she says she doesn't need it. I know she will need someone to talk to and I am not sure it should be me. I am profitting from her pain. GOD I hate how that sounds.

I have been reading the Birthmother threads in order to get a little help understanding the other side of the coin. I have read of all the hurt and pain and regret that you have felt. How can I be apart of that. I have sworn to keep this an extremely open adoption with all parties involved. I have made plans that should help E and I get through this. We have talked extensivley about it together.

As you all can see I could be in over my head here. Do you have any advice or suggestions. Have there been any particullarly succeful situations and what made them different. What should I never do. How can I help her through this time. Even negative comments will be understood and taken for what they are.